When reality takes a backseat...

It's been thirty years now that emailing came into existence but it
caught on as a fad only about seven-eight years ago in India. Now it
has become a necessity. I am not getting into statistics, but most of
us depend on this means of communication more than ever before. And for
obvious reasons.

Another revolution that has swept across our country (and the world as
a whole) is chatting. People spend endless nights yakking about
miscellaneous stuff with all and sundry on Yahoo, MSN, Rediff Bol,
Indiatimes, ICQ and countless other messengers. And, of course, in the
surreptitious chat rooms. Crossing territorial, regional and
continental barriers was never easier. Since it's such a fad, I tried
being a part of the brigade that forms the statistical report for many
surveys. I chatted last night.

Yes I do have Yahoo and MSN messengers downloaded on my machine and I
do use them to keep in touch with friends and family across the world.
But entering a chat room and talking to complete strangers is, well, a
different ball game altogether. Since all my married friends were
attending a "couples only" party and there really was nothing
worthwhile being aired on the idiot box, I decided to experiment. And
boy, what a learning experience it was!

The first rule I understood upon entering the chat room was never ever
to use a girl's name as your chat ID. Oh! Believe me that's the worst
thing you can do to yourself. If, on the other hand, it's been male
attention you have been craving for in real life, nothing could be
better! Out of the 25 odd people in that particular chat room, 18 of
them pounced upon me the moment I entered. Daunting as it was, I tried
being decent, courteous and extremely gracious by providing them with
my a/s/l. And when "a" equals 23, "s" stands for female and "l" is
Delhi you are nothing less than a goddess! I don't really know what I
had expected out of those faceless strangers, but I do know that I
received a lot of unanticipated and unwanted talk. The most common
query of course, was "Wanna cyber?" I refused politely to the first few
invitations but things got nasty after that. Never in my life have I
heard such profanities being thrown left, right and centre. I am no
prude, but I have never been so shocked. It's amazing how people, who
perhaps in real life would never use such abusive language, feel so
uninhibited about such unabashed rudeness. You can't even imagine what
such a verbal assault can do to one's psyche. And it's not the language
as much as it is the attitude! The good part, however, was that I could
exercise my right to block such messages.

Not one to be cowed down so easily, I tried striking a conversation on
the main platform. And what started on a flirtatious note caught the
attention of some of the intellectual variety scouting around for
companionship. It was indeed mentally invigorating to enter into a
debate on arranged marriages versus love marriages. And surprisingly
enough I realised that my initial impressions were perhaps too biased
against the entire populace that elects to air their views using this
medium. Some people got bored and left the conversation in between,
newcomers to the room chipped in with their opinions while the rest
just served to increase the count of people on my ignore list. But it
was four males who very coherently kept up the discussion till the wee
hours of the morning. And it made me wonder why these guys were whiling
away their time with strangers over a wire when they could actually be
spending it with real people! Why was it that they, and many others
like them, were able to speak their hearts out on the Net but found it
awkward to do so with existing friends? Where was the hitch? And all
these questions made me think how detached we are becoming from our
real lives?and from the real people surrounding us.

We don't have time to exchange a decent conversation with our parents
but we sit till 4 in the morning talking to people we'll probably never
meet in our entire lives. We don't share our sentiments with friends we
have known since school days, but we overflow with emotions in crowded
chat rooms. We don't have time to read or cultivate new skills but we
have enough time and money to kill on spewing profanities to those we
don't even know! Why are we moving away from secure territory into
unforeseen lands? Is it the attraction of the unknown? Is it the allure
of promised happiness? Is it escapism? Or is it that our generation
just does not believe in putting its time and effort in nourishing
existing relationships? Whether we blame our not being able to talk to
our parents on the convenient "generation gap"; or declare that our
lives are too hectic to spare some time for get togethers with friends;
or say that it is relaxing to be our uninhibited selves in the
ignoramus chat dominion, I think there's something missing in our
lives. It is subjective and personal for each individual in those chat
rooms but that elusive "something" is what they all seem to be running
after.

My four hours of chatting experience in one night revealed a lot to me.
I went there with a desire to know what it was all about, but for so
many others out there it is a part of their daily regimen. They log in
every day hoping to find that missing link. I realised that even in
that crowded room each person was lonely. Everyone wanted someone to
talk to (for whatever reasons). There was such a crazy need to be
noticed. To somehow attract attention. It was poignant to see strangers
turning to each other for solace from the harsh realities of life. And
as much as some of you might find the entire experience to be an
exciting, fun thing to do, I was saddened. Ironically enough the room
was called "Friends Forever".

I agree that the daily grind is monotonous. I accept that making new
friends helps us grow. But at the same time one needs to do it right.
This entire episode made me understand one thing: A virtual
relationship might provide the answer to your despairing needs but
believe me, nothing can beat a real hug from a real friend.