Another Wednesday

I gulped down my last mouthful of tea, swigging it around in my
mouth for a prolonged moment, but not long enough to delay the stack of
dishes piled up high in our sink. Typical, out of washing up liquid
again. Although if I add some boiling water to the bottom of the bottle
and shake it vigorously, I could conjure up enough liquid to at least
create some bubbles. Another full set of garlic-scented plates. "I put
a spell on you&;#8230; cos your mine.." blasted the radio as I
kicked off my trainers to replace them with my pair of 'Simpsons'
slippers.

8pm; Wednesday night, my usual dosage of soaps had so far been fairly
light, having said that 'Brookside' was awaiting in the wings, followed
by the tension of ER and a pure unadulterated 'So Graham Norton'
session to round off my night. Not bad. As I lifted myself up, with
great effort, from the sofa, approaching Dale Winton's BBC twists and
turns, the telephone rang. Not now, who rings at bloody 8pm, the
viewer's channel surfing moment. After five minutes I now know how to
make a Spanish omelette, after five minutes, I now didn't know if Jimmy
Corkhill had filed for a divorce from Jackie. Ten minutes down the
line, I had been informed of my sister's new boyfriend and whether it
would last, yet who is Adelle Murray's new boyfriend?

Finally, I put down the receiver and raced into the living room. 'And
the bonus ball is number 8'. Dale Winton hugged Lulu as they reeled off
the last number of the National Lottery numbers. Does Dale Winton wear
self tanning lotion? Come to think of it, does lulu? My finger reached
out for Channel 4 and then froze like an android ET. 6, 12, 13, 15, 21
..'and the bonus ball is number 8'. Dale's final catchphrase catapulted
me back on to the sofa. "I..errrr." "Whoaaahh" I screamed like a
banshee.

In a second my life had been transformed.

Have you ever shouted from a rooftop or a goddamn mountain, have
you!

A myriad of circumstances, episodes and role-plays avalanched on top of
me. Cheques written out to my parents, to my lover, to my sisters and
my debtors, empty bottles of wine appearing out of all orifices of the
room, people smiling, broad smiles, not contained smiles, but relieved
and raw smiles. The smile spread to all nations of the globe, starved
children holding gigantic trout above their heads, smiling, the HIV
patients surrounded by a semi-circle of doctors holding up their
cheap-HIV vaccinations, smiling and more, plentiful more scenes of
joy.

I picked up the phone, to spread the good word and instantaneously
dialled Perfect Pizza. "..yes that's right, your biggest chicken
supreme pizza with all extra toppings and a giant size tub of
Haagen-Daaz ice cream&;#8230;. pralines &; cream". After all,
I've got a life time to spread the good news, tonight..and tonight
only, I am still me and tomorrow I'm getting a dishwasher!.