Dora. Part One.

I don’t remember the first time I met Dora. With other people I can sometimes remember where I was when I met them, as it’s that memorable, but with Dora, not so.

I know we met many decades ago, when we were all single.

I remember for my 30th when I was a poor student at university, We were going to watch, “Dances With Wolves, a very long film over three hours long! I was skint, at the time, so I would be unable to buy my usual goodies when I went to the cinema, I made sure I ate and drank before I went!

Ruth who was going to pick me up arrived late! When she arrived, she said to me, “I just have to pop to Dora’s house first, before we go to the cinema.”

When we arrived at Dora’s I said to Ruth, “I will stay in the car, because if I come in too, we will be even later getting to the cinema.” Ruth went into the house without me, then Dora came out and said, “Look above my front door.” I looked up high above her front door, and there was a huge banner with the words, “Happy 30th Birthday Maxine, I am looking for him too.” To say I was gobsmacked was an understatement. The, “I am looking for him to,” Referred to us looking for husbands.

Inside her home, were a small circle of close friends, and as I walked in, they sang “Happy Birthday to you.” My 30th birthday was the only birthday I didn’t want. It had been a long sad year, living on my own, in a block of maisonettes flats built for old age pensioners, I was the only person that got up to go to uni each morning, while all my neighbours slept. It was strange at first, but I got used to them and they got used to me. There was Elizabeth with a very strong Welsh accent, downstairs and Peggy my next-door neighbour and a lady, across the landing who had dementia and she would come out of her flat at night and wonder and talk, and some of the other ladies would coax her back into her flat. When she was well, she would ask me to come over and do things for her, like change her light bulb, as I stood on her chair, and she would then offer me beautiful tasting butter, as a thank you. I drew the, line at putting her ear-ring back in, I told her, “I am unable to do that.” The only sad thing about living in those flats, there were about fifty in total, was when the hurst would pull up, as one of them would pass away. No one in my block died while I was there, I lived there five years, they passed away, after I left.

The surprise birthday party was ‘great,’ I felt tears in the back of my eyes, filled with sadness, when I heard those words. For I just didn’t want to be thirty with no husband and no child! The pain of lack of both was too deep. Dora and my other single girl friends understood. I remember in my flat, feeling sad, about thirty approaching, then one day, days before my 30th, I stood in front of the full-length mirror and with tears streaming down my face, I said to myself, “I am not in pain, I am not in a wheelchair, I am not sick, I have not got cancer, so I am thankful for my good health!” It was very hard, but I did it.

Tonight, at the surprise 30th birthday party was not helping, I would be 30 at midnight, when midnight arrived, they all sang “Happy Birthday,” Again!! Through my smiles I gritted my teeth. Another thing about the surprise birthday party was, I was full, LOL, I had eaten and drink and I had no space for anything else. What I had eaten would have lasted me for the three hours of the film. So, my favourite Jaffa cakes, were untouched, they gave it me to take home. With my Mum’s help and support, they did, This Is Your Life, with pictures and stories of me growing up. It was very thoughtful of my friends to do this; it’s a birthday I will never forget. We went and watched the film the next night.

Dora’s house was always inviting. Everything was in its proper place, and neat and tidy. And so was her garden, everything looked effortless.

Dora was very clever; she had been to Grammer school. I was not clever, I had all through my school life, undiagnosed dyslexia. With her invite I went to her lovely home for some English lessons, in that none judgemental surroundings, I learnt SO much. Even though we were in our twenties, lessons learnt back then, I have not forgotten it.

When she had gained my trust. I told her about other parts of my life, the sexual abuse from a family member and I told her about my step dad. When she heard what I confided to her about him, she said, “You have been psychologically abused,” I said, “There is no such thing.” Dora said, “Yes there is, and you have experienced it.” I was shocked, that I had been abused by these two powerful men in my family.

Over the next few weeks and months, I would go over to Dora’s home, where she would give me English lessons, counsel me and feed me. I have always had different friends for different things. I have a friend, who I usually went to the cinema with, I have another friend who I went ice-skating with and with her roller-skating the next day. I had a few different friends who I went out to restaurants with, we were all single, and depends who was working shifts or had other family commitments, if we went out with that person or not.

I suppose back then, life was good, but we didn’t know it then, as none of us knew the future. We all went to the same Church, Dora came from a fabulous Church, many miles away from ours, she may have moved to our Church when she bought her lovely home, ours was a bigger Church than hers, but hers was awesome! It was ‘famous’ too for been awesome. Her sense of humour was off the scale; she was very funny.

I remember once, after my 30th Dora invited me over to hers for a meal, I stood next to her as she cooked the food in the wok. During the night I was violently sick and had the runs very bad! I rang her and told her, and asked her if she was, “Poorly too?” She said, “No, but it might have been the bean shoots,” I have never heard of them, nor had I eaten them before.

As I lived on my own in my flat, it was the only time in my whole life, that I had to clear with my bare hands the sink in the bathroom of sick, so that the sick could go down the plughole, and the more I did that, the more I was sick! With the runs at the same time, it was a low point in my single life. There was no one, to do it for me. Back then I usually had each Saturday, a Big Mac, hot chocolate, and fries, but I could not face a burger for ten days, it was that bad! Dora had told me, “You have food poising.”

One by one, some of us got married, not all of us did, some of my friends who I went out with back then, never found Mr Wright, we all wanted to. I haven’t lost touch with my single friends, we still go out, but in general not as a group, but usually on a one-to-one basis, like a catch-up meal, a natter, unhurried, about once a year. We all keep in touch via social media or WhatsApp.

Dora got married to a wonderful clever man, and they had a Very clever child.

About fifteen years ago, they moved very far away.

Ten years ago, Dora said, “Lets meet half way, at a McDonalds.” I was very anxious about this meeting, as I was skint, with petrol in my car, I only had £3. For close friends like Dora, they know that the only thing I eat at McDonalds is a Big Mac, hot chocolate and fries, nothing else. I didn’t have enough for the Big Mac, I decided I would have a burger that was under a pound, with small fries, that too was under a pound and the hot chocolate, that way, I would have enough and hopefully she would not notice.

We sat in a corner, by the window, it was sunny lovely day. It was not a busy restaurant, but I had my back to everything. We had a wonderful catch-up. We were there for about two hours. Then suddenly she said, “And how are You?” This direct question took me off guard, and I said, with emotions in my voice, coming to the surface, “We have no money,” In a flash her purse came out, and she turned it upside down and emptied the contents onto the table! I protested and said, “Please don’t,” For I know she is poor herself. She was having none of it, “You must take it.” I knew it was a battle I could not win; I thanked her. It was £6.37, soon after this we hugged and went to our homes.

The following week, I had a phone call from my Pastor, “She said, Sian has contacted me, can we meet up in the office for a chat?” Now that we were married or single most of us now don’t see each other, and go to different Churches. Sian was best friends with Dora, they had grown up in the smaller awesome Church. I didn’t know Sian very well, nor did she know me, we had one thing in common, we both knew Dora.

I went to the meeting with the Pastor, she was lovely, I was feeling sad and low. I tried desperately not to cry but I did. The Pastor said, “The Church will pay for you and Paul to have counselling to help you with your finance management,” I said, “No thank you, Paul would never go to those meetings,” And I didn’t want to go to them either.

About a month later, at the end of the evening Church service the Pastor called out to me, as I was about to leave to go home, she said, “For the last three weeks I have been trying to give you this, but when I look around, you have already one.” She gave me the Christ mas card and I thanked her and left.

At home I opened the Christ mas card, and inside the note said, “This is instead of the counselling sessions,” I was stunned and shocked to count £180.00! I looked at Paul he too was just as stunned at me.

I thanked God for providing the money and I told Dora all about it. She was thrilled. With it, I was able to buy all my Christ mas gifts, food and more. I also thanked the Pastor the next time I saw her.

I remember one Christ mas when I lived at my flat, in total I lived there for five years, until I met Paul. I had worked with his best friend, who introduced me to Paul and within eight months we were married and on my wedding day I moved into Paul’s home. Each year, that I lived at my flat, Christ mas week, I had a small party for a few very close friends. It was always lots of fun with a capital F! there was always lots of laughter and food. Back then, I cooked great food and from scratch, using my proper scales, that I had chosen as a birthday gift. One year Dora said to me, “There is a young woman, who has no where to go, for Christ mas, can I bring her to your party?” Now I don’t mind strangers, but to bring a complete stranger to my private personal space was another thing, personally I didn’t want her in my flat, I had never met her before, it’s one thing meeting someone for a coffee or at work but having her in my home, was on another level. But I knew Dora well enough to know, if she is OK with the young woman, then I would be more than OK to have her in my home.  So, I welcomed her with open arms. I did not treat her as a stranger, none of us did, the party was too intense, too much fun, plenty of home cooked food and pop to treat her any different to us. We laughed SO hard, we cried, it was actually the Best party out of the others, she must of thought Doro’s friends were Nuts! I don’t remember her name, but I am sure to this day, she will never forget that party at my flat, the day Dora brought her there, I am sure like us, she was still laughing weeks later, well into the New Year! We all laughed again soon after, when we saw the photos that were taken, and collected from the shop. My Christ mas parties always had the best and dreadest, pass-the-parcels! I am SO glad she came; we showed her no mercy and treated her like one of us, but that was Dora, not leaving anyone out.