Mind Games.

Women do not rule the world. Men do not rule the world. Cats come Very close to ruling the world!

I recently went to Marks and Spencer’s, to buy new bras. Over the decades, that is the only thing that I buy from there, consistently. It has been many years since I bought new bras. The last time I bought new bras, was in covid, where we were not allowed to use the changing room, I eventually got the right size!

I always buy the same type of bras from there. I went to a large store, and chose the size that is on the label of the ones I currently wear. I asked the staff, “What is the next size up?” She told me, and I chose one and went into the changing room.

I squeezed into the first bra, that is the size I wear daily, it wasn’t good. I then tried on the one that was the next size up. It was perfect. But I was shocked that I needed the next size up. I bought two of the new size and left the shop.

This was last week, while I was in the store, I decided it is time to go on a diet!

The bra is absolutely lovely, I feel like I am wearing a luxury item. Sometimes, it seems, that we get used to things, but I realized I had neglected, my bras. I wished I had done it sooner.

I have a very sweet tooth. I have in my freezer, Cart Dor strawberry ice-creams, a stash of biscuits in my work bag, Hula Hoops BBQ crisps, I also have Cornetto ice-cream that I put red sweet sauce over it. I have ice-cream, every night while watching telly at about 1am yum. For my first drink of the day, I have two heaps of hot chocolate mixed with evaporated milk. I always eat between meals, if I want anything, at any time, I just have it, makes no difference if it is morning, noon, or night. I love to nibble when I am writing, or writing my diary each morning, be it cake or biscuits.

Over the years, when co-workers tell me, “I have given up smoking,” When I see them again, they are smoking! So, I decided not to tell anyone I am on a diet, just in case I don’t keep it up.

I weighed myself, and told my Husband. Whenever I try to go on a diet, I try to have more salads and different types of fish.

I still have my hot chocolate in the morning, but not a heaped spoon, I had one spoon and less sweet milk.

Went shopping and bought bananas, mixed salads in the bag, cooked mackerel, small tomatoes, and avocados!

I already had a huge chocolate cake with cream in the middle in the fridge, that I had bought reduced the day before I went to buy the bras, along with the large carton of custard. It was reduced from £5 to £2.50 when I had bought it, I imagine me having a quarter of in in one go! This cake was about 12” across, so it was HUGE! Now I had a dilemma, do I have a tiny slice, or none at all? Or do I throw it away? I told the family, “You have 2 days to eat the cake, then it is going in the bin what is left,” I had a small bit with custard, it would have been cruel not to. The family ate the rest.

As with all of us, we do things as routine. I work with someone who is very strict with their diet, as my brothers, and William who is the strictest of us all.

The battle started straight away, my nightly routine, Ice-cream with strawberry sauce, I told myself, “NO.” I have already decided, if I ‘fell’ I am entitled to a treat a day, but if I can not have the treat, on any day, then IF I did fail, it would not mean the end of the diet. I used to buy crisps for Paul, as sometimes he would ask me for my most treasured possession, Hula Hoops, BBQ flavour, so I bought him his own, that has stopped, so I will not be tempted. The cakes in the reduced section for the family that too has also stopped!

Each person deals with a diet in different ways. Some go to a diet group, where they meet up each week and they are weighed, and another might go to the gym with a friend, or some might have a personal trainer. My cousin did hers on Facebook, she set herself a target and had a, “No sugar diet,” And each day, she would show her meals and what challenges she had faced that day, that she had said, “No” to. She did not fail, I was very proud of her, knowing I could not do that. She was in inspiration to myself and others.

For me, a banana was to be my sweet treat, but if I could do without it, even better! I survived the first night. I always noticed, when I try to diet, and not eat in between meals, I feel hungry, or it could be a fear of feeling hungry, for I don’t usually feel that, as usually I will have a bag of sweets, the whole bag or biscuits, cakes, crisps, or all three, there are SO many lovely things to have, at my disposal, in my work bags or in the fridge or cupboards.

The mornings I now have my hot chocolate not two heaped spoons but one, and less evaporated milk, I suppose that could been seen as a treat, but it is not. For Brunch I have been having, two potatoes, that must be done quickly, so I chop them up and cook them in the microwave, while in a pan I add real butter, soften half a chopped-up onion, with some small tomatoes. On my favourite plate, I take out the bag of, prewashed spinach, slice up the lovely cucumber, and add more small tomatoes. When the chopped-up potatoes are cooked, then I add that to the cooked onions and small tomatoes that is already in the pan. I then add the cooked mackerel, to the pan to heat it up. When I am satisfied that everything had heated through, I then put it all onto the red and greens that I have on my favourite plate, and drizzle with Heinz salad cream. Everything is eaten, no waste.

For dinner I had the same thing, but instead of mackerel, I have three boiled eggs. In the evenings the ‘dangerous’ time for me, I have cereal, with a finely chopped up large banana, with no sugar added, this is either Alpen, Weetabix or shredded Wheat. This gives me the feeling of been full, to an extent.

Yesterday in the shop, I googled which was better for when on a diet, Paprika or Cayenne pepper. It said, “They are both good, but Paprika may have anti-obesity and appetite suppressing properties. That was the one I bought along with some lovely superb silver skin onions, for some variety! I saw in the reduced section a large pack of sliced chicken breast, I know there is nothing added, it is just plain. Usually, I would buy this for the 6 cats and give it to them over 2 days as their treat, but not this time, they have other treats. I do not add salt to anything! The only time I have salt, is when I have chips outside the house, that’s the law!

For a change to the meals that I have been having, I saw reduced lovely pack of 6 vegetable spring rolls, and that is what I had for my dinner this evening, for later, I will have Alpen with a large banana. I have also bought low fat bread, it has 62 calories, and low sugars. I don’t mind having normal bread too. I have thought of buying large wraps, but not sure if that will be too heavy. Might still buy to have a change.

For me, it is the evenings that is the worst, my chill time. That is when the mind games start! I say, “No,” To myself, until the feeling passes. I can see in front of me my virol type sweet sticky, malt extract, across the room on the small table, for that is where I keep it.

The lack of munching is real! The urges are real! The feeling of feeling hungry is real! The mind games are also real!

It was someone’s birthday this week at work, my manager went out and bought some delicious looking fairy cakes!! She offered us all one, I thought to myself, that I would take mine home and give to Paul, and lie and say, “I will have mine with a cup of tea at home,” Who does that!! I decided that I would have it there at work and just enjoy it! I did enjoy it, and not feel guilty, at all. Then later my manager said to me, “Have another one,” Now the Maxine of old, would have had another without any hesitation, but the new me, said, “No, thank you.” I was proud of myself.

I have been giving myself a good talking to, over this past seven days, and it has so far worked. I would like to lose half a stone, for that would be very realistic, IF I did achieve that, that would be a first in my life. Then I would like to lose another half a stone. Then I would like it to be a way of life.

I think I will be going to a Toby Carvery soon, if that is the case, I will not have the gravy, the gravy is the best part of the whole meal for me! I will still enjoy it though, I can hear Paul now, “Just have a little bit,” But it is what I put IN my mouth, that adds to the weight, I don’t want to undo the good that I have done, for each time I don’t, add to, then it makes it lighter for me. So, let the mind games continue.