I don't want to hate Scunthorpe

When I drive past the steelworks
I put my middle finger in the air
and wave it
like a windscreen wiper.

I don't want to hate Scunthorpe
there are people there I adored.
I was obsessed with the girl
from the pet shop with braided hair
when I was 16 I bought goldfish
every weekend for months.

I adored the owner of Record Village
where I bought Modern Life is Rubbish
by Blur, for a pound.

I don't want to hate Scunthorpe
what I want, is to go to the car-parks
on Friday nights, where people fight
with flick knives and glass bottles.
I want to raise my finger to my lips
and "ssssh"
the violence would stop.

Maybe then, when I looked
at the football scores
on teletext
I would be happy
when Scunthorpe United won.