Fergus the Inventor

In a very strange house lived a very strange family of inventors
called the Potts.

The father of the family, who was called Albert Arthur Anderson Potts,
had most recently invented a hammer that would never hit your thumb (no
matter how hard you tried, even if you really, really, really wanted
to!).

The mother of the family, who was called Mary-Mary Madeleine Potts, had
most recently invented a spoon that could stir things all by itself (it
had two little feet that would run around the bottom of your
saucepan!).

The eldest son of the family, who was called Harrison Horatio Herbert
Potts, had most recently invented a pair of shoes that would take you
wherever you told them to (Harrison was always so busy thinking about
new inventions that he would forget where he was going!).

The daughter of the family, who was called Petra Petunia Patricia
Potts, had most recently invented a tennis racket that kept score
(Petra was very competitive and liked to know the moment she had
won!).

And then there was Fergus - the youngest of the Potts family.

Fergus Potts was known as the black sheep of the family - not least
because he had long black hair that covered his head in a mess of curls
that made him look a little bit like a black sheep.

Fergus lived in a tiny cottage made of trees at the bottom of the
garden, with his cat called Batts.

Fergus, who was the worst inventor in the Potts family, had most
recently invented a clothes peg warmer (an old sock!), a banana cover
(another old sock!) and a pair of water proof socks (an ordinary pair
of socks in a carrier bag!).

It was on that particular day that Fergus decided that he needed more
than a bag of old socks if he wanted to invent anything really
useful.
"I need bits and bobs and thingies and what-nots', then I'll be able to
invent just about anything. I am sure if I ask my family nicely, they
will be able to help me. They all have rooms full of stuff and they
cannot possibly use all of it. What do you think Batts?"

Batts the cat looked up from where she was snuggled, glanced at Fergus
in a very uninterested manner and went back to sleep.

Fergus was sure this meant that Batts agreed it was a splendid idea, so
he set off from his cottage at the bottom of the garden and headed for
his fathers workshop.

His father liked to work in the kitchen, although you would not know it
was a kitchen from the look of it. There was clutter everywhere. Not
useless clutter like you or I might have, but the kind of clutter that
any inventor could not do without.

Piles of wood in the fridge, strings and wires in pots and pans, a
large toolbox sticking out of the oven and hundreds of inventions, some
of them only half finished, everywhere else - just what Fergus was
hoping for.

Fergus walked over to his father, who was busy removing pipes from
below the sink, and said,
"Dad I know you're terribly busy and everything but I was wondering if
you had any bits and bobs lying around that you don't need anymore that
I could use for my inventions you can say no if you want to but it
would be really really really good if you said yes and?"

"Fergus, I'm in the middle of something at the moment," said his
father, "so if you don't mind I'd appreciate it - PUT THAT DOWN!"

Fergus had picked up his fathers most recent invention, the hammer that
would not let you hit your thumb, but as his father shouted, Fergus
leapt back in surprise and sent the hammer flying out of the
window!
Fergus' fathers' face had turned bright red, "FERGUS!"
"I can see this isn't a good time, I'll come back later, bye
dad?"

Fergus thought that now would be a good time to visit his mother.
Fergus' Mother found that the bathroom was her favourite place to
invent things.

The bath was packed with metal and wood, the sink was over flowing with
nails and screws and nuts and bolts, and the bathroom cabinet was
stuffed with tools. And if you ran the taps in this bathroom you would
not get any water, instead the hot tap ran with oil and from the cold
tap ran glue!

Fergus, in his quietest, most polite voice asked his mother if there
was anything that she no longer had any use for.

"WHAT WAS THAT?" bellowed his mother, "SPEAK UP FERGUS AND MAKE IT
QUICK, I'M IN THE MIDDLE OF SOMETHING VERY - FERGUS BE CAREFUL!"

Fergus was holding the spoon that could stir things all by itself and
was studying its tiny feet when his mother shouted. Being Fergus, which
meant being not very careful, he dropped the spoon, which swiftly ran
out of the bathroom never to be seen again.

Fergus saw his mothers eyes begin to bulge and her nostrils flare and,
deciding that she probably needed a few moments to calm down, ran out
of the bathroom as fast as he could.

Harrison Potts was deep in thought and making notes in his notebook
whilst his shoes led him around the house. So deep in thought in fact
that he did not hear Fergus running towards him at high speed.

The two Potts brothers collided and fell into a heap on the
floor.

"Fergus! Why do you insist on running about the place like an idiot?"
asked Harrison once he had removed the notebook from his mouth.

"I am sorry," blurted Fergus, "Its just that I've been trying to
collect bits and bobs so that I can invent things as good as the rest
of you but I keep getting in the way and dropping things and I upset
Dad in the kitchen and Mum's gone mad in the bathroom and? Why are you
doing the splits Harrison?"

Harrison's legs were growing further apart as his shoes tried to take
him off in two different directions. This was because his left shoe had
heard Fergus say 'kitchen' but the right shoe had heard Fergus say
'bathroom'.

Harrison was fast turning red with panic "Fergus? Help? Fergus, Fergus,
FERGUS!"

The shoes were by now quite confused and assumed that Harrison must
want to be taken to Fergus. As they started to approach him, Fergus,
who was much shaken up by everything, panicked and ran away.
Unfortunately, the shoes chased after him, and Harrison, as he was
still wearing the shoes, did so too.

All around the house, Fergus ran, closely followed by Harrison's shoes
and, of course, Harrison. Up stairs, down stairs, into rooms and out of
rooms they ran until the only place left to run was the garden.

Petra Potts was on the lawn serving aces with her new tennis racket,
and then she wasn't. Instead, she was knocked onto her back as her two
brothers smashed into her.

Her racket, which had flown out of her hand, landed with a bump,
firstly on Harrison's head, then Fergus' and finally Petra's. It just
had time to declare, "Forty - Love" before it landed on the ground and
broke in two.

After everyone had taken a few seconds to get their breath back, Petra
and Harrison both screamed at the tops of their voices,
"FERGUS!"

Harrison's shoes, deciding they no longer wanted to play, undid their
laces, jumped off Harrison's feet and sprinted off never to be seen
again.

Fergus began to cry.

"I only wanted to be a better inventor," he said between sobs, "I was
just trying to collect some bits and bobs?" and with that, he sulked
off.

Fergus went for a long walk. He did not want to go back to his cottage
just yet, it would just remind him how bad an inventor he was.

Eventually, just as it was starting to get dark, Fergus headed back
home. He had done a lot of thinking and had decided that inventoring
might not be for him. Instead, he was thinking of trying something
simpler, like becoming the Prime Minister.

Fergus entered his tiny cottage made of trees and was very surprised at
what he saw. Instead of the bag of socks, which had been all he had had
to invent with, there was now a large pile of?
"? Bits and bobs!" said Fergus and started jumping up and down with
excitement. There were pieces of wood and pipes and string and clay and
plastic and cloth and clocks and radios and allsorts of things that
could be used to invent things. And there was a note.

The note said,
"Dear Fergus, sorry for shouting at you. We hope you will find a good
use for all of this stuff. Lots of love - your family. P.S. Next time
you come to see us please let us know in advance. Thank you."

Fergus got started straight away.

After several hours of sawing and hammering (during which time Batts
the cat looked on through one eye in disapproval) Fergus stood looking
at his newest invention with pride and an enormous grin.

It was a box.

On the side of the box was written, in large letters, 'Bits &;amp;
Bobs'.

"Look Batts," said Fergus, sounding very proud, "my first proper
invention."

Batts the cat looked up from were she was trying very hard to sleep.
She looked at Fergus and then at the box.

After yawning a very large yawn indeed, Batts the cat stared at Fergus
and if she could speak, this is what she would have said,
"Go away, I'm trying to sleep."

THE END.