Desperation

I can remember it all so well, the desperation and the confusion I
felt inside.
I hid it all away, never gave a name to the lies,
I deluded myself, I thought you were something that you obviously were
not.
All I ever wanted was to fall in love, and be loved by someone, anyone
but you.
You gave me nothing but shame and desperation,
I can't believe I let you fuck me over the way you did.
I feel ashamed that because of you I felt unclean,
I loathed myself for letting you use me like you did.
My loneliness blinded me to your lies, blinded me to myself,
You were never good enough for me.
Now I understand the weakness that made me turn to you,
How I lost part of myself making love to you.
I know that the memory of this will remain,
But after you I found true love,
And she eased my pain away.