KFC/JFK Connection

Once upon a sunny day, me and my girlfriend were walking through the
park, on the way to feed the ducks. She likes to do this from time to
time, because she thinks that Ducks are cute, I've always found that
there are very few ducks in the park, and mostly loads of Geese. Geese,
unlike the majority of Ducks, tend to be psychotic bundles of feathers
and beak, with a very bad attitude towards us members of the working
classes. Possibly because they have some in-built genetic memory, which
recalls the dark day when their third cousin was shot by one of the
landed gentry and his hunting buddies, to provide the main course at a
Christmas dinner. Or perhaps it was pissed off because my girlfriend
nearly knocked it unconscious with half a bread loaf, thrown from ten
meters away. Well how would you feel if you were trying to chat up a
really fit girl, and some four foot eleven, Marxist hippy chick chucked
a loaf of Warburton's best at your head? Yeah, my girlfriend is that
small! She really say's that she's seven foot four, but her shoes just
make her look smaller. Possibly something to do with refracted light,
and a portable gravity well.

I digress, as I was saying, for some reason, the goose decided that it
would look cute and encourage Sez, to chuck bits of bread at it so she
could watch it gobbling all the food up, at least until she nearly
caved its skull in. Maybe the impact triggered repressed memories of
its previous incarnation as a Velociraptor, or T-Rex or something,
because in that instant, It decided to launch itself out of pond in
some sociopathic rage. We ran, and hid behind an old age couple. Well,
the goose might have been dazzled by the old lady's blue rinse. Also
her attempts to feed it with humbug's would have poleaxed its tiny
brain through sheer confusion, hence halting its feathered
assault.

Anyway, in the aftermath I mentioned that I was hungry, and could
murder a chicken sandwich. This choice of lunch may have possibly been
influenced by our run in with the Hannibal Lecter of the bird family,
anyway, I wanted to re-assert humanities dominance over the likes of
the animal kingdom, and its homicidal members. With this in mind I
opted to head to our local KFC outlet, who do some rather nice fried
chicken meals, so with vengeance and a nice bit of heart attack
inducing fried food in mind, we headed through the town centre towards
our destination. It was at this point, that my girlfriend chimed in
with a subversive and potentially earth shattering conspiracy theory.
In order to protect my girlfriend's identity, I shall refer to her from
here on, by her alter ego pseudonym of Bob. Bob said that her and her
best mate, a girl named Jeff (again another pseudonym, but with some
parents you can never tell&;#8230;) concocted, or should I say
discovered the horrific truth behind a large fast food company, and the
Kennedy assassination. Be warned though, that this theory is a
potentially earth shattering revelation, with far reaching
consequences, and could destabilise the western world, and make small
children wet themselves.

Don't say I didn't warn you&;#8230;.

No really, you've only got yourself to blame for this.

Okay, here goes&;#8230;

According to Bob and Jeff, there was a KFC advert a couple of years
ago, which had a scantily clad women gyrating around with a fried
chicken bucket on her head. According to the girls, this was no normal
woman, but rather a sex changed JFK, masquerading as a partially
operated transsexual! The reason for the bucket, was because he
couldn't go through with the full operation, and therefore wished to
remain anonymous. What was shot from the grassy knoll, was in fact a
clone made from deep fried chicken, and re-programmed by evil machines
from the future. Therefore KFC backwards is CFK, otherwise known as
Christine F. Kennedy! Damn, its obvious now! The deep fried chicken
company is really acting to protect the former president, so that
he/she will be re-elected in the future as the first transsexual
president of the USA, and then clone an army of super chicken soldiers
to act as the army for Bob's new Communist Empire! Just wait until you
here about that one!