Do I really have to take this makeup off? And think about it?

So now the night is over. Officially.
I do not intend to be overtly cynical, but instead deconstruct this crucial (or completely useless, most likely forgotten the next day) time of indulgent reflection.

As mascara further clouds your already fleeting judgments of the past few hours (or days), what’s on your mind? Where you went and where you definitely did not, whom you spoke to and who spoke to you, what you said and what you observed?

Personally, this is when the inconsistencies arrive. Between the preconceived notions I had getting ready and the question mark left over my head after I got home and locked the door. As one layer of preparedness flushes down the drain, I can’t help but draw conclusions.

I put a lot of make up on tonight and this eye shadow definitely will not work until I become a few shades less pasty. I didn’t wear much make up tonight and you know what, I think I should try going a bit more natural. (For the record- eyeliner turns a little makeup into a considerable amount of makeup in a matter of seconds, and with that I know almost nothing about makeup)

Three points I want to make out of this. Quickly, I acknowledge the fact that I put makeup on in the first place. Despite anything that went well or went terribly, I planned and executed to some extent and even went as far as to clean myself up afterwards. There’s that looming cynic again, I swear I have a life.

I learn an important lesson each time though. Some nights I planned to try something new, go to a new restaurant with “some people,” and maybe even leave with a picture to prove it. I might have gone to a party and tried some new drugs; maybe I learned something relevant through an interesting, well educated, friend-of-a-friend. This is when I try and form a short summary to answer the “what did you do last night question?” that people (nobody) often ask in the morning. In any case, your night will boil down to how you remember it. In a metaphorical sense- whatever you did, you will wake up tomorrow and your eyelashes will not be stuck together. Last night will turn into last week and there’s still plenty of time to create tomorrow.

Most vacation nights, my best friend and I get high and talk for hours while our usual playlist runs through the car. We’ll complete our agenda of 7-11s and the endless search for a socially acceptable bathroom to use at midnight and return home only when it’s almost not legally acceptable to be driving.

I get home and dread the thought of taking my makeup off- whether this is before or after I took that sleeping pill. I think why did I even put it on in the first place? It definitely wouldn’t have affected my night either way, obviously no one would have noticed or cared if I happened to be face naked.

Regardless, I want that snapshot of my evening. A little physical connection to the awkward interactions we had at CVS, and the intimate moments of connection, frustration, pure joy, and laughter. I look forward to the addition of another night, another brand new yet totally reliable experience to sort through. Or not sort through. Point is the choice is mine, and I fully intend to embrace it.