Party

FAMILY PARTY

It's a family party for Uncle Joe
But I don't know if I should go
Oh it's not him it's not he's fault
It's Jean and Ted and Uncle Walt
I know that blood is thicker than water
And I know I really oughta
But Sarah and Phil and their spoilt brat
Will end up rowing with John's new wife Pat
Also there will be my twin sister Janet
Who'll do her impression of a big hungry gannet
Her husband Jim brings his terrible home brew
Then every five minutes nips off to the loo
They've got three kids all sweetness and light
As most children are till there out of sight
They smoke and they swear and they drink alcohol
Encouraged by the recently divorced Auntie Moll
She'll show her new beau big smile and fake tan
Much to the annoyance of Betty my gran
Who'll grind her false teeth until they fall out
Then steadily get drunk on Lambrussco and stout
Granddad will be transported to the Second World war
But I haven't the stomach for bullets and gore
I'll slip silently away in search of some quiet
Past Kath and my mum who are talking of diets
In the room with the youngsters I feel out of place
Their idols today could all be from space
Cousin Pete and his gameboy will be joined at the hip
And never an illegible word leaves his lip
So I'll get stuck with young Claire pubescent and zitty
Or called in as ref against United and City
But I suppose I will go it will all turn out just fine
After all it is family and next month it's mine.