For Janet, I Know Where She Is Now

For Janet, I Know Where She Is Now

It's all over now, no more wondering if I'll bump into her
Every time I walk through the town centre.
In the early days I would look at each face expecting to see her smile,
Peter and Pat would occasionally say, 'Oh, we saw her in the High Street today'
She would ask if they'd seen me recently, I thought about her often.
I remember September 11th 2001, I watched as the drama in New York unfolded
I was glued to the television screen and was gripped by terror.
Not just for the victims I could see dying before my eyes,
But because Sarah had told me during a chance meeting in June,
'Mum and I are going to Las Vegas in September'
She didn't tell me the exact date and I didn't know initially
Where the aeroplanes had departed from, or where they were bound.
I waited all day for a phone call from somebody telling me she was safe,
At one point I was so worried I nearly phoned her home to make sure.
Nobody called me then, and nobody called me in the last month.
It's been two years and nine months to the day since I last saw her
I've never been able to forgive her for what she did to me
There's always a small part of special relationships that never leave you alone
I'd learned to live without her and didn't even want her anymore
My time was filled with new things, new people, new hopes, new dreams
But the shared experiences of life tie us together, even against our will
Sometimes in wistful moments we want to turn the clock back and change things
Three years ago today we walked into a shop in Oxford Street and bought a ring,
It wasn't anything special, but she chose it, and to us at that time it was our future
I have the ring in a cupboard, it's been there since we parted, and she returned it.
I told her at the time, 'If you ever want it back, call me.' I knew she wouldn't.
It's all over now. She died three days ago. A friend told me she had bowel cancer.
I didn't know she was ill, I meant nothing to her family since she dumped me
Even as she was dying the daughters that used to say I was a father to them
Never called me. I never got to say goodbye.

12th December 2003