Just Another Friday Night In Memphis - Part 14

????????...kissed me lovingly and was gone.

During the first week of January I once again detected a slight change
in attitude from Janet and by the 6th I could tell there was a problem
again. On the 9th, a Tuesday, I was sitting at the far end of the pub,
the bar empty except for a nosy club member leaning against the bar,
when Janet walked in. It was something about the way she walked towards
me, it reminded me of John Wayne walking into a saloon for a shoot-out,
and I sensed trouble. She sat down across the table from me and placed
her handbag in front of her on her knees, holding it with both hands as
if it was some kind of barrier between us.

'George, I've got something to say', she said calmly and very
deliberately.

I noticed the guy at the bar look round at us and glancing back at
Janet replied, 'Not now Jan, later.'

'No, I have to say this', she insisted.

She had obviously been preparing herself for this moment and was not
going to be deflected from what was a carefully prepared speech. My
face dropped, and I resigned myself to the fact she was not going to
stop now for anything!

The tone of Janet's voice was hard, even callous.

'I'm fed up with your friends telling me how to live my life. I am NOT
going to stop going to the jazz club, I love it and it's none of their
damn business what I do. And I don't care what any of them think,
they're not special.'

I sat there saying nothing but my heart was slowly falling through the
seat of my pants.

'She doesn't care about me. She knows that what she's doing is tearing
me to pieces and all she can think about is herself'.

These thoughts were whirling around in my head and I knew in that
instant that she didn't love me and probably never did. She just looked
at me with anger all over her face, my mind slipped back to the
previous summer when she had tried to get me to go to the jazz
club.

'Are you serious?', I had asked her, 'with Mike and Tony there!'

'Why not?', she answered, 'it's not a problem to them or me and they
are no threat to you, so why should it be a problem to you?'

'Well why don't you invite Peter as well', I replied angrily, 'then you
can have every guy you've ever shagged in the room at the same
time!'

She didn't seem to understand what I was saying then, and didn't seem
to see what was wrong with her behaviour now.

'This woman is playing games with me and I don't like it one little
bit', I remember thinking to myself, 'she gets a kick out of
humiliating men and I'm top of the list!'

I suddenly realised that Janet was asking me if I wanted a drink and I
was so upset all I could do was nod.

'Well that's it, that's what I have to say', she continued, 'if I have
something to say I have to say it.'

Two and a half weeks later it was my birthday and Janet had booked a
room at the Grand Hotel just for the evening, she said she wanted to
give me a birthday treat, and arranged to meet me in Southend at
7.15pm. She knew it was a special day for me but at 7.30 she hadn't
turned up and I was a little concerned, then it got to 7.45 and I
became really worried. She had never been 30mins late and I thought
something must have gone wrong, I called her mobile phone number but it
was switched off, something that occasionally caused problems between
us. By 7.50 I was panicking and decided to give her five more minutes
and then go and look for her. Just as I was about to start the car
engine she walked into sight and into the car.

'Where have you been?' I said almost hysterically, 'I thought you
weren't coming, I was on the verge of going.'

'You really piss me off when you say that!' she replied, 'can't you
wait five minutes for me?'

'Five minutes!' I cried, 'it's 45 minutes, I thought you must have had
an accident or a problem with Peter, you've never been this late and I
couldn't believe you wouldn't be on time for my birthday.'

By this time we were halfway to the hotel and she was ranting at me
about my impatience and in the end I pulled the car over and said if
she didn't stop I was turning the car round and taking her home.

She changed in a split second, she took a breath and swallowed, smiled
at me sweetly and said in a much softer voice, 'Don't lets quarrel, I
just want to have a good time.'

By the time we arrived at the Grand we had both re-gained our composure
although I felt it had already been spoiled a bit. We had a drink in
the bar and then went upstairs to our room. This time it was a little
strange, Janet let me do all the lovemaking whilst she just lay back
and enjoyed it. It made me feel a bit used, she just wanted me to make
HER feel good, it seemed like I didn't matter.

The following night, Saturday the 27th, we had arranged to go out for a
birthday meal with two friends of mine that Janet had met a few times.
They run a music shop in Southend and are a couple of rock'n'rollers
like myself and we were going to a restaurant in Hornchurch called
'Jailhouse Rock'. Janet and I had been there before two or three times
and enjoyed it. I picked everybody up and said I would drive, as I
didn't drink much anyway. Janet sat with Pat in the back, and her
husband Peter sat in the front with me. I don't hear too well from
behind, so I didn't catch any of the girl's conversation but Peter and
I chatted separately in the front. The table we were seated at was
directly below a loudspeaker and the music was very loud and intruded
on our conversation all evening, at one point when the live floorshow
was performing, we stopped talking altogether as we couldn't hear each
other speak. Janet seemed a little distant for a while and then began
to be a bit nasty to me, I didn't notice at first but Pete and Pat did,
not that they said anything at the time. The evening wasn't a great
success and when I dropped Pete and Pat home, about a mile and a half
from Janet's house, they invited us in for coffee but Janet declined
saying it was late.

Three weeks later Janet's husband was going to Scotland for a week, to
stay with his old fianc? as he had done before. I thought Janet and I
would take full advantage of this and see a lot of each other but it
didn't work out like that. On the Tuesday before Peter was flying up to
Scotland I asked if Janet would see me on the Friday night, but she
said she couldn't because while Peter was away she was having her
bedroom re-decorated and she had to spend some time preparing the room.
I knew Sarah was taking her father to Stansted airport at noon and it
wasn't like Jan to miss an opportunity when he was away. I kept
thinking about this all of Wednesday and by Thursday I was sure she was
cheating again. I knew if she was going out on Friday night she would
leave about 7.30pm so I drove to Southend and pulled up outside her
house at 8.15, walked to the door and rang the bell. The door was
opened by Andy, Adrienne's fianc?, who was going to do the decorating
for her. He was surprised to see me on a Friday and when I asked if
Janet was in he said yes, she was having a bath.

'Come in ', he said, 'I'll make some tea, Janet will be down
shortly.'

I sat in the kitchen and talked to Andy for a bit then I heard Janet's
voice call down the stairs, 'Was that Adrienne coming in Andrew?'

He looked at me and called back, 'No.'

I heard Janet walk across the landing and into the front bedroom to
look out of the window where my car was parked. She came down stairs in
her dressing gown saying, 'Oh, it's you, why are you here? I told you I
couldn't come out tonight. Come on upstairs', she said, 'you may as
well see what Andrew's done to the room.'

They had moved her dressing table out on to the landing and Janet sat
on her stool and started to dry her hair. I stood behind her, a bit to
the side and was watching her intently in the mirror.

She glanced at me with a scowl and said, 'You look fat tonight!'

She had never said anything so nasty to me before and it was obvious
she was determined to upset me as much as possible. (As it happens I'm
not fat at all, although I'm not as slim as I'd like to be) She
eventually got dressed and came downstairs, Andy and I were in the
sitting room, Andy in an armchair and I on the sofa, she walked into
the room without looking at me and sat in the other armchair with her
Dachshund on her lap. She was really nasty for about 10mins. and I
decided to leave.

She didn't even see me to the door and I just said, 'I'll see you in
the morning then?'

She kept her eyes fixed on the TV and just said, 'All right.'

I let myself out and drove home full of dread yet again!

The 16-mile drive to Janet's house the next morning was awful, I felt
like a condemned man walking to the gallows. I rang the doorbell and
after a few seconds Janet opened the door and stood back to let me
enter.

'Hello', she said, with an expressionless face.

I stepped into her lobby and said, 'Do you want me to stay?'

'Yes', she replied, but she didn't give me the usual cuddle and kiss. I
followed her into the kitchen and sat down.

'Jan, will you talk to me?' I asked.

She glared at me momentarily with anger all over her face.

'Why were you so nasty to me last night?' I asked.

'You only came round here last night to check up on me didn't you?' she
snapped.

'I have to admit that was part of it', I replied, 'but you can't blame
me, you've done this to me before and I was terrified you were going
out with someone else last night.'

She appeared to be avoiding my look and said, 'I've just got to make
some tea.'

I'd been through this scenario several times now in the last 3yrs. and
I started to feel ill.

'Will you please sit down and talk to me', I repeated.

She finally sat down across the table from me but wouldn't look me in
the eye.

'Jan, are we still lovers?' I asked.

'So that's what it's all about is it? Sex!' she replied in a hard
voice.

'No, no that's not what I meant. I mean are we still Jack and Jill? Do
we still care for each other?' I answered.

'We can't do can we?' she said.

'So you don't love me anymore?' I suggested.

'I've changed, I'm not the same person anymore!' was all she
said.

My whole world suddenly went into slow motion.

'All this Elvis Presley crap you keep on about, anybody would think you
knew him' she was determined to be as hateful as possible.

'I couldn't live with you; you'd be nasty to me. You've never got any
money anyway!' there was real venom in her voice now.

'There's not much difference between you and Peter', she
continued.

'I'm not with anyone', she lied, 'there's no one else.'

My mind was whirling and I felt giddy, rising to my feet I moved to the
door saying, 'I have to go.'

She didn't say a word as I opened the front door and stepped out into
the cool February air. I felt numb as I walked to the car and drove
away with tears streaming down my face yet again. I'd lost count of the
times I'd cried over her but it had become a daily occurrence recently.
I pulled into a car park at the airport a couple of miles away and
called her on my mobile phone. She said she didn't feel the same way
about me anymore although she never said the words 'I don't love you'
(and she hasn't said them to this day).

On the following Tuesday she phoned me at work and asked if it was OK
to keep the ring, 'It's so pretty, I really like it, and it is only a
dress ring', she said.

I was so distraught I could hardly speak but remember saying something
like, 'I don't care.'

I went to the folk club that night hoping she might turn up but in my
heart I knew she wouldn't. I sat in the bar for an hour and had to
endure all our friends arriving and asking where she was and why do I
look so upset; when it became obvious she wasn't coming I went home. I
cried every day, cracking up everywhere, in public, at home, at work,
in front of family and friends.

After a day or so I called her and said I couldn't live with my ring on
her finger and her hand on another man's body. She knew it was
unacceptable, in fact she told me she knew it wasn't right the instant
she asked to keep it. I asked her to leave it at Pete and Pats shop and
I would collect it but she said she didn't want to go in there as she
thought they would be nasty to her. I told her she could go in on a
Friday as Peter and Pat never worked on that day of the week, and Brad
the manager, would give it to them the next day, but she still declined
to leave it there. In the end I agreed to collect it from her house on
Saturday morning, (10th March), as long as she would assure me there
would be no one else there.

I said I'd call at 10.30 but I arrived at 10.15, she had obviously been
watching for me because as I walked up her path she opened the door and
stood there stony-faced. She invited me in and offered me tea, making
sure she didn't get too close to me. I hadn't seen her for 3wks and
couldn't believe that two people that had been so important to each
other for so long now seemed so far apart. I kept looking at her and my
heart was breaking, I just wanted this nightmare to end and have her
cuddle me as she had done so many times before and whisper in my ear
that she loved me. She made me a mug of tea and as I picked it up she
took the ring from a draw and gave it to me.

I had written a letter and gave it to her to read later but she
insisted on opening it and reading it in front of me. She asked me a
couple of questions about it, things she didn't agree with, but there
was always going to be differences, she was never going to accept she
had behaved badly.

'I was worried about you coming', she said.

'Why?' I asked.

'You said to make sure there was no one else here and I thought you
might be violent', she replied.

'What the hell are you talking about Janet? I'm not a violent person,
you know that for Christ's sake!' I said.

'I didn't mean physically violent, I thought you might shout at me and
be really horrible to me', she explained.

'Janet, I love you, I couldn't be nasty to you even if I wanted to be',
I said, my voice beginning to shake with emotion.

'Well you have every right to be', she answered.

This was as close as she ever came to acknowledging that her behaviour
was unacceptable and that she may have felt some guilt.

As I left I sat in the car, turned the ignition key and gave one last
glance toward her door. She stood in the lobby with the door slightly
ajar partially concealing her. She raised her hand slightly giving me a
weak wave as I pulled away.

tbc.