The Finder

“There you are my young friend. I was told I would find you here today. I’m actually a few minutes early but that’s ok. As long as you’re sitting here then everything is just dandy. In fact it would allow me to have a neat Scotch while I’m here once the bartender comes this way.
I know what you’re thinking. Why is some random drunk in a stained suit and an unevenly buttoned shirt talking to me? Believe me, that’s what I would be thinking too if I was your age. If you were even half my age then you might just tolerate my presence. If we were similar in age, then we would be happily talking about anything and everything. But my young friend, you have to know you can trust me. Especially with a serious and classical Roman nose, like mine.
As you can see, I look as though I’m going through some tough times. Not financially you understand, I’m still fully employed. And before you ask it’s not old age or illness or any such nonsense. In fact it’s my current job, possibly my last before I finally pay off my debt and retire. You see, I find things. I’m not a private detective or bounty hunter, although I’ve had to do that kind of thing before. It’s actually quite clever on my part to have negotiated this as the final part of my career. They could have given me something that would have made me want to leave this realm prematurely. Oh I’m sorry. This rambling wouldn’t happen if I had had that Scotch by now. They didn’t have this sort of problem back in Great Caesars’ court. Amphorae of wine on demand...
So as I was saying, I find things. Whether it’s your car keys, your wife or your marbles, I’ve found it all! I’ve even found a mammoth graveyard! You know, like thier descendants the elephant, when they knew their time was up they would walk alone to one specific place and die. You should have seen the place, gave me chills for a week it did. You’d be surprised at how easy it is to find things. You don’t need a silver thread that only you can see or a yellow brick road. Although some would have you believe that there is a complex procedure or algorithm or what have you. They say it’s the demand which is A, multiplied by need which are totally different things. This is B squared then you minus... No, hold on a minute. Oh I would remember this if I had a least one scotch by now. Anyway that’s not important. They just give that to the new recruits so that it takes longer for them to meet their quotas. They’ll never get special cases like you at the start. You don’t even know what you have lost or that you’re even looking for anything. But I assure you, I have wondrous news for you. You see, I have found you an opportunity.”