9

Richard finished his college course and began working. He struggled to cope with working and he became tired and grumpy. He started to have sleeping problems and we began to argue. All of the lust, love and romance had fizzled out of our relationship. Sex was performed on autopilot, Richard would go to the toilet and reappear with a condom on and we just got on with it. One night I went to see him and he was incredibly tired and ratty. I tried to cheer him up but it was no use. He was too tired to have sex so we just snuggled up. Within seconds Richard fell asleep and I waited for a few minutes and then tried to sneak off without disturbing him. I got halfway down the stairs when Richard woke up and started shouting at me for leaving him without saying goodbye. He got more and more wound up so we went back upstairs where I tried to reason with him. He lay on the bed and tried to get me to lie down with him again, but I was a bit shaken from his outburst and it was getting late so I wanted to go home to bed anyway. I very gently and calmly explained this to him but he got even more wound up. Then he stated to kick me and lash out at me. I ran down the stairs with Richard hot on my heels. I threw the front door open and ran down the driveway and as I glanced back over my shoulder I saw Richard at the door. He was stood with his arms and legs spread apart and he very nearly covered the whole doorway, wearing nothing but checked boxer shorts. He was calling for me to go back inside so we could talk about it. I refused to go back inside and through my tears I managed to tell him it was over and I never wanted to see him again! He started to shout and swear at me, it was like a red flag to a bull. I stood at the end of his driveway and shouted as loud as I could that why would I want to go back inside when he was hitting and kicking me! The neighbours started looking out and Richard's face turned scarlet as he begged me not to shout again. This of course made me shout even louder, "What? You don't want your neighbours to know you hit women then!" Richard shut the door and reappeared looking out the bedroom window, just staring at me with no expression at all. Tears streamed down my face as I walked home and I refused to see him after that. At first he kept turning up and begging me to see him, but he soon got the message, (especially when my sister told him to go or she'd break his legs)!

For months I heard nothing! Then on New Years Eve, when I was in the local working men's pub celebrating with my Dad, Richard came in looking sheepish. He offered to buy us drinks and I didn't want to create a scene so I said yes. We began to talk and although the atmosphere was strained, we were okay. He asked to speak to me alone so I took him outside the pub, down the alley way that ran up the side of the building. As soon as we were alone he at first begged me to get back with him but he quickly realised it was of no use. Then he begged me to forgive him and he said he felt awful about what he had done and he had not been able to forgive himself. He hated himself for what he had done and his remorse was not put on. He was genuinely appalled by what he had done and he wanted to make peace. I told him I forgave him, (I did), but it wasn't good enough for him. He took my wrists and started to slap himself around the face using my hands. I pulled away and told him he was being irrational to which he replied, "I will never forgive myself for what I did, I will always live in regret and I deserve a smack for what I did to you. I need to suffer the same way as I made you suffer. I love you so much and you're the most wonderful person I know. You didn't deserve me lashing out on you, but I deserve it now so please hit me!" I pulled away and started walking back along the alleyway. Richard was following me and sobbing. He grabbed my arm and pulled me towards him hard, begging me to hit him and punish him for what he had done. He wouldn't let me go so I did as he asked. I gave him one hard punch to the face and his nose bled. A bruise started to appear straight away and he sank to the floor holding his hand to the cheek saying, "thank you" over and over again whilst still crying. I kneeled down and cuddled him until he stopped crying and I helped him to stand up as he was shaking. We stood there hugging for a couple of minutes and then I said, "It's over now Richard, you can move on and be happy." We were never friends after that but we were always polite whenever our paths crossed. One day we saw eachother in town and started talking. Further along the road a couple were arguing when the man turned around and slapped his girlfriend around the face. Richard ran off without a word and went down an alley way by an opticians. When I turned the corner he was vomiting. I waited for him on the street until he came back out and when I asked him if he was okay he answered, "After what I did to you, every time I see a man hit a woman it makes me feel physically sick because I hate what I did. I suppose you being here when a man is hitting a woman turned my stomach too much, sorry!" He was very embarrassed about it. He made his excuses and literally ran away up the road. I have never seen him again since that day, but I hope he is happy and in love. A moment of anger for a lifetime of regret is not an easy thing to deal with!