The Transcending Promise

"He he, really! I heard he slit his wrists before he tried to hang himself."
"OH MY GOD! Are you serious?! Hee he"
"He came to school! I would’ve left."
"Gutsy"
"He should’ve switched schools, dontcha think Allie?"
"Whatever...."
I watched him walk down the hall; his wavy brown hair cut to his shoulders covering his face. He was the most popular boy at school. He had the whole cool look; fifteen, five-nine, 120 pounds, with a small pack (not that I care), perfect lips for kissing (or so I’ve heard). My interest though were his eyes. Normally they were a strange green-gray eyes. I haven’t seen them since the incident, but they were so strange. Staring at them was like staring at a freshly built brick wall with every brick shining, dark emerald green marble. And of course the thin yet even amount of gray holding the beauty of the wall together. The wall that his eyes made always puzzled me. The wall seemed to be hiding the real him. I was right. He had too much going on socially to think of suicide. But what do I know?
"Br-r-r-rrring!"
I have almost all my classes with him. We have similar interests I guess. He doesn’t even know I exist......not that I care. I go to my locker and take out my folder for first period. I stop at the door and flick my hair; as if to put it in a ponytail then drop it behind my back. Maybe I should cut it, it’s almost at my butt. I stop at the entrance to the classroom.
He was sitting there. In my seat. He usually sat in front but now he’s taken my seat in the back. Why my seat?
"Ms. Lexwer, can you take your seat please"
"He is in my seat"
"Mr. Almwin requested a seat change to the back of the class. You, Ms. Lexwer, will sit in his seat. By the way congratulations on being on time today."
I rolled my eyes and sat down. I kept looking back at him. I didn’t stare at him for the whole period but for awhile. I was mostly pissed off but being angry just wastes so much energy. What’s the point. Throughout the whole period he didn’t look up once. He used to be such a loud, arrogant, open, athletic person. It’s like he totally changed.
At lunch, I went to sit at my usually spot, close to the back of the school with my friend Ashtie. Ashtie was a regular type of geek; cute, short, technical. She was from Bangladesh and had long flowing black hair down to the middle of her back. And cute rectangular glasses, with thin brown frames.
Ashtie met me at the back of the school by the brick wall. Beside her was "Mr. Suicidal".
I raised my eyebrow. What was he doing here? Ashtie must’ve invited him.
"I invited him here,"
I relaxed my eyebrow, I knew it.
"He looked like he needed a friend"
"Ashtie, he’s just another one of the idiots that fill this fucking world with shit."
"You know Allie, he’s really nice. He’s not like everyone else, like ‘the rest of the idiots in the world’ he really changed from last year"
"How would you know?"
"I can just feel it"
"Whatever. You’re too nice sometimes you know."
He sat down with us and pulled out his notebook.
"Hey, you doing homework?"
Ashtie is like the only person I know in the whole world other than my mother who actually likes homework.
He just shook his head.
"Oh! You’re writing poetry!? Can I read some?"
He closed the book and took out a jelly sandwich. "Sorry but it’s private."
HE SPEAKS!
"That’s okay. Anyways, I gotta go to math club. See you guys in Science."
"Later" I said as I raised my hand slightly.
I sighed. Stuck with the suicidal kid. I wonder what he writes about in that book. Is it about how he felt right before he tried to kill himself? I wonder if there are bloodstains from when he slit his wrists.
"I didn’t slit my wrists."
"Huh?"
"The rumour about me slitting my wrists."
"How did you......?"
"A lot of people think this holds suicidal notes, letters and thoughts. They think it’s filled with bloodstains and spells. People are so fucking stupid! They don’t get anything."
Wow! He actually gets it. The lack of blood and oxygen to his brain must have shocked sense into him. Maybe he really did change from his cocky last year self.
"I think the same thing."
"It’s amazing how people are so blind to what life really is; they just....."
"Walk through life like the blind, oblivious to what’s right in their face."
"........their face.......umm yeah"
Weird awkward pause....
"Umm....so what do you have in there?"
"If I tell you, your existence would have to be destroyed"
"Destroy away!"
"I’ll tell you if you come with me somewhere."
"Where?"
"Will you come?"
"Where are we going?"
Br-r-r-r-rrring
"You’ll see! If you come that is."
The rest of the day dragged on. I occasionally thought about why he would want to take me somewhere. I told Ashtie about it. She said that he obviously has a lot of secrets and that he just needs a close friend to talk to. He probably trusts me and thinks that I could be there for him.
"The whole school has rejected him. That book could be like a diary to him when he needs to talk to someone."
"When you said you wanted to be a shrink you weren’t kidding were you?"
"Nope."
"I don’t get it though, why me? You were the one who brought him into our group of rejects."
"Maybe he sees something in you he doesn’t see in me. I don’t know. Anyways I have a club after school."
"You know Ashtie, ever since we both got out you been pretty busy.....and well.....I don’t see you as often. I thought that we’d promise to be together everyday."
"You’re right, sorry. Tonight we’re having a sleep over okay?"
"Okay"
Br-r-r-rrring
School’s out and I’m gone.
"See you tonight, Al."
"Kay!" I yelled.
He was waiting by my locker, writing in his book again. Small groups were forming around him. I walked to my locker, opened it, dumped my bag in it and slammed it shut.
"Are we still going or do I have to watch these idiots stand around and whisper around my locker for the next 24 hours?"
He got up and started walking. As we walked along side each other out the door you could hear the whispers getting louder and shocked ‘oh my gods’ and giggles. We walked and walked. Left 6 blocks, right 2 blocks, turn into an ally, okay weird. Jump a fence, walk 3 more blocks, turn onto a one way street..............WAIT!
"We’re on a one way street?!!!"
"You’re not really taking me to the...."
"Yep, the cemetery."
We swerved through many different tombs and jumped over graves and past a empty grave. We stopped at a grave that had a couple patches of grass on it. He touched it and put a few flowers there. I didn’t even realize he had flowers.
"Who is this?"
"My mom. She always wanted to meet all my friends."
He told his mom about his day and opened his book.
"Do you do this every day?"
He nodded. He read a poem. It was sweet and about love. Nothing dark at all.
"That was nice."
"I was always good at writing. My mom gave me this book and made me promise never to stop."
He talked to the grave some more. He talked about how nice me and Ashtie were to him and how stupid the other people at school were being; even the teachers. He got up and began to walk.
"Hey where are you going?"
"You wanted to know what was in the book right? Now you know."
Freak. What does he take me for some idiot like the rest of the world population.
"Hey!" I ran and caught up with him. I went in front of him to stop him. He was crying. I sighed.
"Don’t blow me off okay? I understand I know how you feel."
"How the fuck could you know how I fucking feel. You’re just some weird gothic freak. You have no clue on what my life is like, so just FUCK OFF!"
"WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE! You think you know my life so well you can tell me if I know how someone who lost someone they care about feels! You don’t know shit!"
He stopped, turned and faced me.
"Sorry. I just....."
"I know. Honest I do."
I started walking. He followed.
"I lost my mother too. She died of a stroke. Doctors said too much stress."
"So you live with your dad?"
We stopped at my mother’s grave. Buried beside her was my father, and beside them 3 of my grandparents.
"No, I never knew my dad. My mother told me he died before I was born. He killed himself. He was schizophrenic. "
"So who do you stay with?"
"No one. Live by myself."
"I wish I could live by myself. Go somewhere else."
"Why would you want that?"
"I’d be happy to live with someone in my family."
"Even if the person you’re living with was considered innocent of killing your mother even though you knew he did it."
"What? Why didn’t you say anything."
"Couldn’t my dad shut me up before trial. I was.....I was scared. I saw him beat my mother to death. I was scared."
He was crying again, but he quickly stopped.
"You know umm.....today I’m having a sleep over at Ashtie’s house but if you really want you could maybe.....live with me......if you want."
"What?!! Really?!"
"Yeah, you’re dad sounds like a total asshole, no offense or anything. If you really want to get away then just bring your stuff."
"Wow Allie, so you guys are living together already!"
"Yeah. I know it seems weird but I think that I’m starting to like......well.....I have a soft spot for him sorta......welll not really........"
"YOU LIKE HIM! It was always hard for you to share your feelings. Heh heh"
"I don’t know...... Hey Ash, you kinda look pale-ish. Are you okay."
She grew silent. And looked away. I turned down the T.V. and faced her seriously.
"Ashtie, seriously. We’re the same aren’t we? You look bad."
"It’s nothing. Just too many clubs."
"Ashtie I know when you’re lying to me."
"It’s okay really."
"Ashtie Padmatie Amin you’re getting worse aren’t you!"
"Don’t worry about it."
"Ashtie." I tried to hold back my tears.
"DON’T WORRY ABOUT IT! We hate tears and sympathy we promised we wouldn’t cry over each other."
"We also promised to die together!"
"I’m sorry, I can’t help that."
"I love you, you’re all I have."
Her mom walked in the room. She hugged us both and gave us cookies.
"I’m sorry Aljanelina. I just thought it’d be better if she told you. If you need anything. Call on me I’m always here."
She left before she began to cry. I hugged Ashtie tight. We slept after laughing ourselves to tears with jokes about my "new love", the movies we were watching and life without one of us in it. Yeah the world would just DIE! We fell asleep hugging with tears in our eyes.
I woke up to an empty house, with a note on Ashtie’s bed. Turns out her mother came to check on us in the night. I ran out of the house as I was. Bed head, pajamas, bare feet and tears streaming down my face like a broken water fountain. I ran to the hospital. Through the doors and straight to the receptionist. A old man was talking to her and I didn’t want to be rude but if Ashtie died I would kill myself. My heart hurt so much. I pushed the old geezer out of the way and yelled where my friend was.
"....SHE’S SORTA INDIAN AND SHE.....S..SHE WAS TAKEN HERE LAST NIGHT....." I didn’t care about breathing I needed to know.
"Calm down..."
"I CAN’T CALM DOWN! SHE’S ALL I HAVE! SHE’S MY BEST FRIEND! DON’T YOU REMEMBER US WE WERE HERE 2 YEARS AGO!"
"I can’t help if you’re screaming like this. Look, this man was before you. You can just push peop......"
"WHAT’S WRONG WITH YOU!"
I could feel my face turning purple from lack of oxygen. That’s when I saw Ashtie’s mother. She was crying. I ran to her as fast as I could. My tears were still flowing. I gasped and spoke.
"W....where is she? Where is she!!"
Her mother wouldn’t answer. I got frantic. Irrational. I grabbed her and squeezed.
"WHERE IS SHE!!!! WHERE’S ASHTIE!!!!"
Mrs. Amin just kept crying. I let go and stared. That can’t mean. No, she’s not. I ran down the halls looking in every room. Up the stairs down to the hall we were when we met.
"Hey, you’re new aren’t you?"
"Yeah"
"I’m Ashtie. Haven’t I seen you before?"
"Yeah we go to the same school. You’re with the geeks the most even though you’re one of the most popular girls there."
"Popularity is stupid. Judging people like that. Hey, is that a smile?"
"No!"
"So what do you have? Oh,same as me?"
"You know there’s no treatment for us. It’s too late. The others back there can have surgery. They’ll just give us dates and tell us to live the best we can."
"So why are we here?"
"We’re just staying here for a couple days to do some tests. I came here 3 days ago. I’ll be gone in a week but I’ll visit you for the few days after if you want."
"Yeah okay!"
We had so much fun that week. And she visited after like she said she would.
"I heard about your mom; I’m so sorry. You want a hug?"
"Uh huh. Doctors said it was stress. Probably because of this stupid....."
"Hey! Don’t even start thinking it’s your fault."
"B...but...."
"But nothing!"
"Hey I’ll always be here for you okay?"
"Promise?"
"Only if you promise not to cry anymore. Here use a tissue."
"Only if you promise not to give me anymore sympathy."
"I promise."
Room 238, nothing. I stop running and walk quickly looking in more rooms. Room 259, right beside to morgue. I saw her. She was paler then pale. I slowly walked into the room. No one was there to keep her company.
"A...Ashtie?" I touched her. She was a weird kind of cold. A cold I had never felt before. She was colder than anything. Imagine this. You standing in a 4 day blizzard. Serious snow storm. Your hands out of your pockets for the whole time, night and day. You get inside, they’re practically frostbitten if they’re not already. The coldness of your fingers are warmth to her skin now. But it’s not yet ice yet.
"ASHTIE!" The tears were about to flow. But I remembered the promise. I didn’t cry. A nurse came and tried to take me out of the room. It was weird. It’s like they botoxed the smile she had last night. I could still see it. Not a lot but it was there. It looked like she died happy. I was frozen stiff but somehow I smiled. I moved. Just a step closer. I hugged her.
"I love you, Ashtie. I hope you’re happy. I’ll visit you everyday, I promise."
A male nurse picked me up and took me outside bent down and mumbled some stuff. I didn’t hear a lot of things after that.
I went to school at lunch. My eyes were still pretty much blood shot. Teachers, students, and ‘Mr. Not-So-Suicidal" were staring at me. Maybe my face was still purple. While in class the principal called me and gave me some weird speech. Point was he wanted me to go home for a couple of days ‘cause I was spacing out. I told him I was fine so he suspended me for 2 weeks. Two days later I went to Ashtie’s funeral and said a speech. I remember sleeping for a long time. I would sit up thinking about her and would sometimes talk out loud realizing no one was talking back. So I slept some more. My appetite lessened, and I vomited a lot. I didn’t care. I got weaker and paler. Then he came over.
"Hey how are you doing?" I looked at him. He had bags, lots of bags.
"You run away?" I was speaking in a whisper. I don’t know if he even heard me.
"Yeah," He was whispering too. "got in a fight. He hit me, so I left. You look like shit."
"So do you."
"Heh, yeah I guess I do. I’ve been worried about you. Have you eaten since she died?"
"Straight to the point aren’t we?"
"Have you?"
"I don’t remember......I don’t remember a lot of things." He went through my cupboards in my fridge. I heard the opening and shutting of objects. Him scanning what he can make for me. I felt too weak. I tried to stay up; to see what he’d get me. I just needed a small rest. He came back.
"I made you a sandwich, I hope that’s okay?"
"I........I don’t feel so well" And yeah I puked.
"Oh my god, are you okay!!!!!!"
"I.........iiiiiiiihhhhhhhhhhhhhhh aaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh my HEAD!" He dropped something and ran towards me and knelt down. "I...I have to tell you something."
"Hey, wake up!!! Hey, oh my god! Allie!!!! Get up!!" Heh, guess that’s when I blanked out. I was out for awhile. He was beside me when I woke up. There was blood on him and all over the floor.
"Mmmm huh?"
"Hey..."
"Oh my god you're up thank god. Your nose started bleeding like crazy, and you fainted, I was so scared. Allie, I love you and you scared me to death."
"Sorry,.....wait you LOVE me?!!!!!"
"Yes."
"Ummm...."
"You don’t have to say anything if you don’t want to."
"I love you too but I’m hurting so much I don’t know if I can handle this right now."
"That’s okay, I’ll wait for you."
"You can’t do that...."
"Why not?"
"You just can’t okay! Too much is happening right now. I’m confused."
"It’s okay, you have me."
"I need.....I need space right now. Just to think."
"Okay."
For the next 3 days we didn’t speak. And I got weaker. He would bring me food and water. And I admitted my love for him.
"I love you"
"I know" he said as he kissed me on the forehead and went to school.
The day’s lasted long and I grew more sleepy. One day he came after school.
"What’s happening to you? I know your sick but you’re so pale and you’re not eating anything. You look dead."
"Really?"
"Yes, I’m getting really worried."
"It’s nothing."
"I should take you to a doctor."
"I SAID IT’S NOTHING OKAY! Just leave it alone."
"What the hell is you’re problem! I’m fucking worried about you here. You look like Ashtie in her coffin, just whiter."
"DON’T FUCKING TALK ABOUT ASHTIE! You didn’t even know her!"
"What the hell is wrong with you! You have been up tight and especially secretive since Ashtie died. WHAT AREN’T YOU TELLING ME!"
"NONE OF YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS! Look just leave me alone okay?! Please just leave me alone!"
"Fine! You want me to leave you the fuck alone? I fucking will! You don’t want to tell me shit, you’re problem. I don’t give a flying fuck anymore. You’re not the only one going through pain because of Ashtie’s death you know. I talked to her every night. I miss her too."
I fell asleep after that I think, or passed out; either way everything went black. I remember being so thirsty. My lips felt chapped and my tongue was dry. My eyelids were so heavy I couldn’t lift them; so I squinted. I didn’t see him anywhere. He left. I missed him so much and I was so sorry I yelled.
I didn’t open my eyes after that. The sharp pains in my head was like a slap of unconsciousness. The hardest one put me out.
Behind me was always black, but around me was the life I was once in. I could see me and him. I saw the note he was reading.
My writing must suck so much ‘cause I can’t really see shit. My eyes are like practically closed so sorry for the sucky writing. I know you see what’s going on and I’m so sorry for yelling at you. You’re right. I should tell you the truth. Secrets hurt people I know that. Truth is two years ago, Ashtie and I met in the hospital. We both had the same degree in growth in the tumor in our brains. We took tests for about 2 years and were sent home. The tumor was beyond surgery for the both of us. We promised we would die together, but she left before I did. I miss her so much but I knew I was leaving soon after her. I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you before. I didn’t want you to be in pain. I thought if I caused a fight you’d be so mad you wouldn’t care; but you’re not like that, are you? I know you love me a lot and I love you too. I’ll miss you but I don’t want you to miss me. Live the way you think you were supposed to.
Love,
Aljanelina Meya Lexwer
"A brain tumor! She had a brain tumor. Oh god! Aljanelina wake up! Please Allie don’t die! Hello 911? Please my girlfriend needs an ambulance A.S.A.P. Uh huh......uh huh...she fell asleep and she’s not waking up. No she’s not breathing. Thank you. Come on Allie get up!"
I watched him stay by my side as I was in the hospital. He cried so much. I entered the room I saw Ashtie in. I saw them cover my face.
"Hey Allie!"
"Huh? Who’s calling me? Ashtie? Oh My God I didn’t think I’d ever see you again!!!"
"You’re in the wrong place Allie."
"Really?"
"I’ll take you to the right place, come on. We have to go up."
"What about him."
"It’s okay, he’s supposed to be here soon. We can wait."
"Soon?"
"It’s okay, he’s still going where we’re going. I’ll wait with you."
"Thanks."
"What are friends for?"
I watched him take his savings and by a gun off the streets. It’s weird I have a feeling I know what he will do. Suicide. But I still feel he might go after the doctors to avenge my death. I watched him clean the house. Stop eating. Give a speech. Bury me. Put flowers on my grave and change the ones on his mother’s and Ashtie’s. And I watched him go back to school.
There was an assembly held this time because two students have died of brain cancer. This is when it happened. He slowly climbed up onto the stairs. He pushed away the principal.
"You don’t know fuck!"
"Excuse me! Look here Mr. Almwin, I know you were close to these particular people but that does not excuse you from....." People started laughing in the audience.
"SHUT THE FUCK UP!!" He pulled out the gun "YOU ALL JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP!!" He raised the gun and pointed it to the audience.
" I remember when most of you were my friends but since I tried to kill myself none of you were there for me. You didn’t even give a fuck to know why I did it. You just spread stupid fucking rumours that don’t even make sense. All the people who ever cared about me are gone now. None of you gave a shit about me. Even when you all saw I was close to a person I lost you still whispered behind my back not giving a crap. I though you were my friends. I was wrong,...." He pointed the gun to his head.
"....but how much you want to bet most of you will show up at my funeral." And just like that he was with us. All that was left on earth, in life, was a limp body with a hole through it. Brains were splattered all over the stage and some even reached the wall. Some even caught the principal heh heh.
"Come Allie."
"Huh?"
"Bring him and come, it’s time to go."
" Almwin come, we have to go now."
"Allie! It’s so good to see you! Where are we? Where are we going?"
"Somewhere wonderful."
"Ashtie!!! You’re here too! That’s so great! I missed you so much."
"Come."
"Okay!"
I grabbed his hand and held onto Ashtie’s and we rose. In the midst we could hear the faint screams and shock of the students in our school. Even days after you could still hear the whispers.
"He he really?! I heard he slit his wrists before he shot himself!"
"OH MY GOD! Are you serious?! Hee he"