Alan's human desires (ABC IP)
By Not All There
Fri, 27 Sep 2013
- 2791 reads
9 comments
“Alan?”
“Barbara?”
“Can I have a wee word?”
“Don’t see why not.”
“Excellent. I just wanted to ask a few questions about how you’re finding life at Fluffywuffy Teddies Ltd.”
“Fire away.”
“Great, well, that was it really. How are you doing here? How have your first few days been? Are you happy?”
“Happy? Well, I wouldn’t go that far. I’m okay. There’s a few things that could be better. One main thing really; about the internet access. Every time I try to get to my favourite sites, I get a message saying they’re blocked ‘due to inappropriate content’. I mean, they’re not even the most extreme ones. Just a bit of online slap and tickle, you know?”
“I see. I suppose it’s too much to hope you are joking?”
“Joking? No, I don’t really do joking. Never quite got the hang of it. People do sometimes laugh at me, but I’m not sure why. I mean, is there something funny about me?”
“Kind of. But back to these websites you mentioned.”
“Like to know more, would you?”
“More, yes, but for professional reasons, not for personal ones, I assure you.”
“No? Oh well, suit yourself. I hear there’s sites out there for everyone, even for a classy sort like you.”
“Oh, really? Look, I assure you I am not interested in what sites there may or may not be and to whom they may or may not appeal. I just want to be absolutely clear to what you are referring when you talk about ‘inappropriate content’.”
“Porn, of course. Good healthy porn. Nothing wrong with a single man like myself enjoying a bit of harmless fun. We’re all human, aren’t we?”
“Quite, but I think it more suitable that you restrict your, er, human desires to the comfort and privacy of your own home.”
“Right. Okay, well if you think that’s best. I suppose I can manage that. Although my internet connection at home is a bit slow. But I do appreciate your honesty. You seem a good sort. Actually, quite attractive in your own way. I reckon you could be on one of them sites. There’s a certain kind of man would find you very sexy.”
“Sexy?”
“Totally.”
“Unbelievable. My face is up here, if you don’t mind.”
“Very impressive equipment you’ve got, if you get my meaning. And I think you do. I can just picture you in some triple-X action.”
“What exactly are you saying to me now?”
“X-rated movies? You never considered it? You should. Make a few bob on the side.”
“You’re fired, Alan. I suggest you clear your desk and go and find another job.”
“Zero chance of that, Babs. I’m taking myself to the library before the computer room gets too busy. Bye.”
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Comments
This is the height of comic
Permalink Submitted by CrazyCutter on
This is the height of comic brilliance. Congrats!
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This has quite simply made my
This has quite simply made my day. Brilliance.
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They have porn on the
Permalink Submitted by hudsonmoon on
They have porn on the internet? First I'm hearing of it. This was a lot of fun to read. Very clever.
Rich
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I agree brilliant made me
Permalink Submitted by prettyrose on
I agree brilliant made me laugh, well done.
Take care
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Keep Writing xxx
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