Jim's wife

As he quickly removed his coat, he gave her a kiss on the cheek. He did it out of habit, it meant nothing to him, but to her, that kiss was everything. As his cheek brushed against hers she closed her eyes, savoring the affection as her face momentarily felt his warmth, his lips, and then it was gone. Then he was already making his way to the study, "Jim", she had meant to say it louder but the thoughts clouding her mind reduced her call to a mere whisper. The study door shut behind him and as she stood there staring at that door she knew she wouldn't see him again that evening. Her body started towards the study but she restrained herself. She loved him, of that she was sure, but how he felt was unknown.   

His withdrawal had crept in like winter, but this winter was unannounced and unexpected. At first she thought it was stress from work, or strains from seeing his mother's decline. But now she could no longer look to other guilt parties, it was her that was turning her husband into a cold and distant figure. She knew that eight years into marriage sex should still be on the table (or at least in the bedroom, she thought to herself), and Jim eating his meals in his study and leaving the house earlier than he used to - these things could not be ignored.

She had tried. She had cooked his favorite foods, made bookings at restaurants they'd always loved, cancelling the bookings when he was busy or discovered he had gone off Thai food long ago. She had tried to make more effort with her appearance, and had increasingly viewed herself with his gaze rather than her own. Was it young enough? Sexy enough? There was even the time she had got some new lingerie and knocked on the study door, hoping to seduce him back into loving her. He had sighed, "what are you doing? This isn't you. Go to bed, I'll be up soon". He emerged hours later, carefully, making as little sound as possible to avoid another proposition from his wife. Humiliated she never tried to elicit his desire again. 

At night it was the worst. The silence seemed cruel, as she could not rest in the silence, the silence fed the fears that plagued her. Questions she had no answers for, her fear of a life with Jim, and her fear of a life without him, of inadequacy and an overwhelming sense of lacking. She felt like an animal pinned against the wall, who would stay long after the hand loosened its grip. All the while the animal slept soundly beside her.