A Cut Above

I sat in the chair (I'd gone for a trim)
"Coffee or tea?" she enquired with a grin
That grimace should have warned of malicious intent
But no, as a lamb to the slaughter I went

I was swathed in a gown like some sad crusader
Hair dripping wet, I just couldn't evade her
She got out her weapons: scissors and comb
That's when I should have got up and gone home
Instead I said "Please cut no more than an inch"
Her very first chop made me shudder and flinch
I'd had hair past my shoulders, when I went in
But now on the right it was above my chin

"AAaargh!" I exclaimed - my face had blanched white
We were going to a very posh 'do' that night
There was really no choice but to let her proceed
"I think that's better!" she loudly decreed

Her humble opinion cut no ice with me
I wanted a drink and I don't mean just tea
Eyes on the mirror, I stayed stoically silent
I tried to ignore her - I was feeling quite violent

When she'd finished I had lost most of my hair
What remained was spiky, with patches of bare
She asked for my money and I tossed her some cash
What would I do about that evening's bash?
My friends would laugh at my poor mangled locks
I kept looking in windows to deaden the shock
Perhaps it wasn't quite as bad as I feared
But all hope expired as nightfall neared

With tickets like gold dust, I couldn't not go
But one son, when he saw me, wailed "Mummy! Oh No!"
I needed to think, to come up with a plan
A shaved head like Beckham? What do you think I am?

I put on my best dress, strode out to the Jag
And over my head I wore a brown paper bag.