Hello Dolly!

Today, I went shopping for birthday gifts
I searched, but found nothing to buy.
Then suddenly there were my dreams in a box
and I'd found my ideal guy!
A blow-up husband! What a brilliant idea!
The loo seat would always be down-
he's someone who'd know to be nice to my friends
and my mother could always come round.

He wouldn't sit there and wait to be fed
then pick at my iffy cuisine.
He'd have no laundry, no smelly socks
and his Y-fronts would always be clean.
He wouldn't spend fortunes on football strip
then sit, watching the game on telly
or procrastinate about household chores
and develop and unsightly belly.

He would always finish the DIY
and never forget my birthday.
He'd turn up on time, with a smile on his face
and keep the lawn mown, fit for croquet.
This perfect man would not burp or fart
nor partake of too many drinks.
He couldn't extol HIS virtues at all-
if he did, I'd deflate the sad gink!