Zodiac Profiles

ARIES
March 21st to April 20th
Born March to April, these folk are dynamic:
assertive, aggressive, they aren't prone to panic.
A FIRE sign, they 'go for it', treading on toes -
they're extroverts, who don't listen to woes!
Sir Henry Royce, who built the posh cars
and Edgar Wallace, who embraced the bizarre.
Anna Sewell and Henry James
plus Jeffrey Archer, of dubious acclaim.
They're focused and channelled to their special goal-
you'd better watch out, if they're on a roll!
Overconfidence can breed enormous flirts:
when it comes to boasting, they're the experts!
Wordsworth, Charles Chaplin and Dudley Moore,
old Adolph Hitler you couldn't ignore!
The Titanic sank, Concorde cut a dash,
Driving Tests introduced, VAT took our cash.
Fiery, conceited, these RAMS use their horns:
whatever they be, they are never forlorn!

TAURUS
April 21st to May 21st
Will Shakespeare was born on St. George's Day
and, sadly, chose his birthday to fade away.
The folk of this EARTH sign are patient, but greedy
and would not, as a rule give much to the needy,
They are very possessive, with a demanding air
Charlotte Bronte was one - she wrote Jane Eyre.
The Queen's real birthday, the first May Day
Amy Johnson flew solo to Oz (in her plane)
The Pennine Way was opened to ramblers
the first Derby was run, encouraging gamblers.
Turner the painter, the Penny Black stamp
Elizabeth Fry who gave gaols a revamp.
Stable, dependable, BULLS can be a bore-
the Wheel Clamp was 'born' to make parking a chore!
Captain Blood did his best to nick the Crown Jewels
(dressed as a vicar, he thought the guards fools!)
Mafeking was relieved, the four-minute mile
Mutiny on the Bounty in the Friendly Isles.

GEMINI
May 22nd to June 21st
Gemini persons are lively, but nutty:
the sorts who cannot keep their mouths shutty!
They are cunning and witty, but sometimes unstable-
you don't want to sit with them, when you're at table.
George Stephenson, destined to patent the Rocket
Beau Brummell who first wore trousers (? with pockets).
Two sides to these TWINS, although they don't clash-
they communicate well - not dot-dot-dot-dash.
Anne Boleyn at this time got the crown on her head
(although soon she would lose it and end up stone dead).
Conan Doyle was born to write Sherlock Holmes
and Yeats to compose his poetic tomes.
Broadmoor Asylum opened it's doors
as did London Zoo, amid lions' roars.
Max Aitken, who evolved into Lord Beaverbrook
Ian Fleming who wrote 007 books.
An AIR sign, these people can be a right pain-
when invited to parties, they devise stupid games!

CANCER
June 22nd to July 23rd
Cancerians are born to a complex sign:
you meet them, they're friendly and you think all is fine,
but upset them and you will be out in the cold-
they never forget how you hurt them of old!
As CRABS they are moody, but loving as well,
inventive, artistic, secretive as hell!
Edward VIII, born not to be king
and Henry VIII - wives were his thing.
WH Smith- the man, not the stores
and Euston Station opened it's doors.
US Independence, French Bastille Day
Princess Di, William Makepeace Thackeray.
Element: WATER (bright, but loopy)
whilst some will be leaders, they are more often groupies.
The Battles of the Boyne and of the Somme
Inigo Jones and Richard Branson.
Their self-sacrifice can wear a bit thin:
be they ever so 'umble, to one's chagrin.

LEO
July 24th to August 23rd
Leo, the LION and king of the beasts
'neath this sign lurk people who are stepped on the least.
Self-confidence oozes from their every pore
and arrogance carries them through every door.
Pompous, impressive; the traits of this FIRE sign-
they think that out of their bums comes the sunshine!
The Princesses Margaret and Anne, George IV,
not forgetting the dear old Queen Mother, of course.
Ted Hughes, Robert Southey (Poets Laureate two)
and Percy Bysshe Shelley, their lines to pursue.
Morris Minors were launched to drive up and down hills
Jack the Ripper struck terror with his very first kill.
The Great Train Robbers committed their crime
and the Speaking Clock started telling the time.
John Logie Baird and Sir Walter Scott,
then Parcel Post helped us out a lot.
Leos can patronise to make us feel small
and the Official Secrets Act baffles us all!

VIRGO
August 24th to September 23rd
The Zodiac VIRGINS, one of the EARTH signs-
solid, dependable, pain in the butt kinds.
Fastidious, they spend their time being precise
boring the pants off us - their lives have no spice.
Mary Shelley, who wrote the Frankenstein books
Denis Healey, whose eyebrows give us funny looks.
The Flying Squad became a part of the Met.
and John Buchan was born to write Thirty-nine Steps.
There's none as pedantic as these Virgo folk-
you're wasting your time, if you tell them a joke!
The Prom. lights at Blackpool threw beams to the sky
and we started to ride the Victoria Line.
Krakatoa erupted and lava spilled over
the first Test Match ever was played at the Oval.
Gibbs SR Toothpaste - the first TV ad.
and car MOT's mad mechanics real glad!
Sir Winston Churchill wed the love of his life
and Doc. Crippen was found guilty of killing his wife.

LIBRA
September 24th to October 23rd
Librans are out for a quiet life-
they'll keep the peace to avoid any strife.
They do have their moments and they act the fool
but generally speaking, they are calm and cool.
They are diplomatic and so good with prose
John Lennon, the Beatle, everyone knows.
Maggie Thatcher would swing her handbag of steel
whilst Barnes Wallis bounced his bombs with zeal!
Pinewood Studios opened to shoot
and Oscar Wilde gave not a hoot.
The first floodlit football - played in Yorks.
and Lady Peers took their place in The Lords.
The sign of BALANCE and also the SCALES
Elizabeth Gaskell, born to tell tales.
The element of this lot is AIR
(the bowler was made to sit on one's hair).
TS Elliot, Eamon de Valera,
Postcodes in Norwich made addreses clearer.

SCORPIO
October 24th to November 22nd
Beware the SCORPION - there's a sting in it's tail!
Their devious minds may well land them in jail.
A WATER sign, they're intense, nay fanatics-
when they have the floor, they are very dramatic!
Blackbeard the pirate (born Edward Teach)
popped his clogs off a Carolina beach.
Elizabeth I got her bum on the throne-
after that, Protestants felt safe to come home.
Howard Carter discovered the tomb of King Tut
and the Gunpowder Plot fizzled out with a 'phut!'
Mysterious Scorpios can self-destruct -
they are masters of the weirdest conduct.
They are intuitive and off the wall
(Prince Charles does talk to his plants, after all!)
Thomas Cook was born to travel a lot
George II, Robert Peel and George Eliot.
Lord Lucan chose this time to do a bunk
and the first Woolworths opened to sell us all junk!

SAGITTARIUS
November 23rd to December 21st
Adventurous Saggies, energetic and pushy -
the sort you want to punch in the mushy.
Although they are tactless, they can also be wise-
a FIRE sign, they puff themselves up to great size.
Jonathan Swift, Sir Henry Tate
a 3-day week - the UK in a state!
They're ARCHERS - no, not the radio show
but the type that shoot arrows, by means of a bow.
Jovial folk, they yearn to be free
Dame Judi Dench, Sir Humphry Davy.
The Mousetrap had it's opening night
The Times newspaper disappeared from our sight.
Perkin Warbeck was hanged by the neck
the Boston Tea Party meant all hands on deck!
The first Co-op opened, Boris Karloff was born
and ladies at Greenham Common poured scorn.
Public 'phone boxes appeared on the scene
and Coronation Street hit our TV screens.

CAPRICORN
December 22nd to January 20th
Disciplined and careful, these GOATS can be geeks-
they're dependable, staid with a strong callous streak.
An EARTH sign, they are solid, not much of a laugh
(a bank manager, who is mean to his staff!)
This time includes Christmas and the New Year-
we eat, drink and be merry, then wish ourselves cheer.
Lord Haw Haw was hanged (William Joyce was his name)
Income Tax was imposed - life would ne'er be the same!
AA Milne was born to write Winnie the Pooh
number plates for cars, Old Age Pensions too.
One Joseph Hansom patented cabs,
the first Postal Orders came up for grabs.
Sir Anthony Hopkins, David Lloyd George
Charles Darwin set sail, his theories to forge.
The South Sea Bubble burst with a bang
Sir Isaac Newton, J Arthur Rank.
Scott belatedly reached the South Pole.
Sickness Benefit and also the dole.

AQUARIUS
January 21st to February 19th
Detached Aquarians fixate their minds:
objective, they're unemotional kinds.
They are nutty professors and often a pain-
the type you want to leave out in the rain!
An AIR sign, they may communicate well
but will they love you? You cannot tell.
Catherine Howard was relieved of her head
Decimalisation - the tanner was dead!
We declare secret love on Valentine's Day
the first convicts were shipped to Botany Bay.
Samuel Plimsoll - the line or the shoe?
Queen Anne, Nell Gwyn and James Joyce too.
Shergar was stolen - his stable was free
Sir Francis Drake was buried at sea.
This is the sign of the WATER CARRIER,
the folk who will put up mental barriers.
At this time, George III was declared insane
and Charles Dickens was born to find literary fame.

PISCES
February 20th to March 20th
A WATER sign, these people are FISH
they like to impress and can be a bit swish.
Show-offs, they're impractical - sometimes confused
they latch onto others whom they later abuse.
Thomas Arne - Rule Britannia was his greatest score
Crufts first Dog Show took to the floor.
Henry Jones gave us self-raising flour
Samuel Pepys wrote diaries, hour after hour.
Pisceans are emotional and not all bad-
if someone's upset, it will make them feel sad.
Harold Wilson, Dame Vera Lynn
the Krays got thirty years for their sins.
Lord Baden Powell, who formed the Boy Scouts
and Prince Edward, who stamps feet and pouts.
Elizabeth Taylor (she's married eight times)
poor old Gladstone was forced to resign.
Sir William Herschel, who discovered Uranus
the composer, Handel, who still entertains us.