How Would You Describe Yourself?

How would I describe myself?

That's not an easy task,

I've been told that I'm like many things

From many harsh remarks;

I'm like most pieces of modern art:

Meaningless and shite,

Down the pub I'm called Monopoly

Because I always start a fight

I'm like a diseased badger:

People want me exterminated,

I'm always blamed for heinous acts

And never vindicated

My parents don't like me either

Which is fair, so it seems:

They call me the alarm clock

Because I ruined all their dreams

I'm like a blind man with no limbs:

I don't go out that much,

I'm like a slimy, newborn baby cow:

I'm unpleasant to touch

I'm like a dark spoon in a metal cabinet:

People are confused by me,

And none of my friends understand

Because they're all imaginary

I'm like a picture of a decapitated rabbit:

Children look at me and cry,

I only agree with others

When they tell me I should die

I get unconditional hatred

From everyone I know,

I should have been more like my grandad

And died fifteen years ago

So how would I describe myself?

That's not an easy task,

But I don't want you to hate me too,

So it's best that you don't ask