Dr Spoke and Dr Kelvin Save the World! - Part Five: ‘Journey to the Centre of the Earth (ish)’

 

CAST

Dan AB : Dr SPOKE

Dan H : Dr KELVIN

 

SPOKE : Get digging, Dr Kelvin!

KELVIN : Rightey-ho!

[ KELVIN starts to dig - after two strokes he stops ]

KELVIN : Clunk!

SPOKE : What is it, Dr Kelvin?

KELVIN : I think I have hit something.

SPOKE : The Core of the Earth?

KELVIN : No, it's... [ gets closer to the ground and squints ]... a large pebble.

SPOKE : Do you have a pen knife?

KELVIN : I do not.

SPOKE : You may borrow mine - [ hands KELVIN his pen knife ] - see if you can extract the pebble.

[ KELVIN makes a paltry attempt to do so ]

KELVIN : I cannot.

SPOKE : Use this - [ hands KELVIN a fork ]

KELVIN : Is that a fork, Dr Spoke?

SPOKE : Yes it is, Dr Kelvin.

KELVIN : It has still got pasta sauce on it, Dr Spoke.

SPOKE : Pasta sauce?! We are journeying to the centre of the Earth and you concern yourself with pasta sauce?!

KELVIN : Confounding variables, Dr Spoke.

[ KELVIN and SPOKE look highly confused ]

SPOKE : Dig, Dr Kelvin! Dig like your life depends on it!

KELVIN : Let me just remove the pebble first... [ does so ]... there... [ commences digging - stops again after about five strokes ]... oh botherations.

SPOKE : What is it, Dr Kelvin?

KELVIN : I cannae go any further, Dr Spoke.

SPOKE : Why have you gone all Scottish?

KELVIN : No reason.

SPOKE : So what, precisely, is the problem?

KELVIN : I have hit a UFO.

SPOKE : How jolly inconvenient!

KELVIN : Hm.

SPOKE : Well you can't say we didn't try.

KELVIN : Indeed you cannot, Dr Spoke. Indeed you cannot. And I was getting a bit hungry anyway.

SPOKE : Shall we go for a bacon bap?

KELVIN : What a splendid idea, Dr Spoke!

[ exuent ]