Dr Spoke and Dr Kelvin Save the World! - Part One: ‘Going Below Zero’

 

CAST

Dan AB : Dr SPOKE

Dan H : Dr KELVIN

 

[ Drs SPOKE and KELVIN enter from opposite ends of the stage, whereupon is arrayed a selection of Scientific Props. Drs are wearing appropriate Scientific Attire – lab coats, goggles, etc – and have appropriate Scientific Hair ]

KELVIN : Morning.

SPOKE : G’morning.

KELVIN : Shall we get started?

SPOKE : Yup.

KELVIN : Do you have THE THING?

SPOKE : It’s in here somewhere…

[ SPOKE delves around in a Cooler Box… throws out various random things – e.g. Heart, Toy Car, etc… eventually finds THE THING – a small box containing an unspecified item ]

SPOKE : Got it!

KELVIN : Remind me, Dr Spoke… what are we doing again?

SPOKE : Well, Dr Kelvin… the purpose of our experiment is to endeavour, presently and forthwith, to lower the temperature of THE THING, such that it is colder than anything has ever been before, in all time, in all space, forever and ever, Amen.

KELVIN : Amen, Dr Spoke?

SPOKE : I am sorry, I have a cold.

KELVIN : Interesting.

SPOKE : Let us begin!

[ KELVIN brings out an Enormous Thermometer ]

SPOKE : Take the initial reading, Dr Kelvin…

[ KELVIN sticks the Enormous Thermometer in the box containing THE THING ]

KELVIN : Minus two degrees.

SPOKE : Kelvin?

KELVIN : Minus two degrees.

SPOKE : No, what is the temp-… never mind.

KELVIN : Can we go colder, Dr Spoke?

SPOKE : Let us see, Dr Kelvin… what’s the weather like?

[ KELVIN goes to window, opens it and puts hand outside ]

KELVIN : Frosty, Dr Spoke.

SPOKE : Perfect! Put THE THING outside.

[ KELVIN holds THE THING outside… shivers… looks at watch, counts to 5, brings it back in ]

SPOKE : Temperature?

KELVIN : [ takes temperature ] Minus four degrees.

SPOKE : [ shakes head ] We need to go colder – blow on it!

KELVIN : What?

SPOKE : Blow on THE THING – but suck an ice cube first!

[ KELVIN takes an ice cube out of the Cooler Box – suck it dramatically… blows (dramatically) on THE THING ]

SPOKE : Temperature, doctor?

KELVIN : [ takes temperature ] Minus 5 and a half degrees.

SPOKE : Not cold enough! Go outside!

KELVIN : What?

SPOKE : [ shows KELVIN the door ] Out you pop!

KELVIN : But it’s freezing out th-!

SPOKE : Do it for science, Dr Kelvin!

[ KELVIN takes THE THING, shakes his head, goes outside… shivers, whilst alternately sucking an ice cube and blowing on THE THING ]

[ SPOKE and KELVIN shout to each other from either side of the door ]

SPOKE : Temperature, Dr Kelvin?

KELVIN : Minus 6!

SPOKE : Colder, Dr Kelvin!

[ lots of blowing, waving THE THING around, shoving it along the cold ground, packing it with snow, etc ]

SPOKE : Temperature, Dr Kelvin!

KELVIN : Do I have t-?!

SPOKE : For science, Dr Kelvin!

[ more of the above, and then… ]

KELVIN : Botherations!

SPOKE : What’s up!

KELVIN : [ comes back inside ] Dropped it.

SPOKE : What?

KELVIN : THE THING! I dropped it in the snow.

SPOKE : Oh for goodness sake… come on…

[ SPOKE and KELVIN go outside and start searching for THE THING ]

SPOKE : Found it yet?

KELVIN : Nope.

SPOKE : What about now?

KELVIN : Nope.

SPOKE : Found it now?

KELVIN : No! It’s too dark! We’ll never find it out here!

SPOKE : Hang on, I’ve got a torch…

[ SPOKE gets out torch, searches around for a couple of seconds, then… ]

SPOKE : [ picks up THE THING ] Found it!

KELVIN : STOP!

SPOKE : Wha-? Oh… [ looks at THE THING ]

KELVIN & SPOKE : Melted.

SPOKE : Shall we have a snowball fight instead, Dr Kelvin?

KELVIN : Good plan, Dr Spoke!

[ exit KELVIN and SPOKE ]