Fruitless (a parody of 'LazyTown')

"Someone's in trouble," said Fartacus, as he wiped grease from his chin and reluctantly swallowed the last mouthful of the second of three custard doughnuts that served as his breakfast. He switched off the flashing insignia on the belt buckle that stretched a little too tightly over his paunch, leapt up from his seat, belched and instantly regretted this sudden burst of activity, the like of which, more often than not, tended to result in a prolonged and none-too-fragrant session on the porcelain throne. Said business concluded, Fartacus ordered his airship to fumigate with a blast or three of Zen Tranquility, picked up a tennis racquet, shrugged, swapped it for a marginally less cumbersome ping pong bat, then considered the most energy efficient means of travelling to the town below.

"Glider," he said, upon which numerous mechanical arms appeared from nowhere, took hold of Fartacus and dropped him into the glider attached to the airship.

Fartacus had a little nap during the six-and-a-half minute journey to the ground. He woke, bleary-eyed, then broke wind magnificently, as Stephan, the muscular young lad in pink leotard and tights, cartwheeled, skipped and parkoured up to the glider, which had come to rest in the middle of the Aldi carpark.

"Where have you been?" said Stephan. "My poodle has been stuck up this tree for twelve minutes!"

"I am very sorry, Stephan," said Fartacus, "but one does need one's sports candy before one sets about rescuing errant canines."

"Sports candy?" said Stephan.

"Custard doughnuts," said Fartacus.

"Stop!" said Bob Not-Too-Pleasant, who was disguised as a dog warden.

"What is it, Bob?" said Stephan.

"I am not Bob, I am a dog warden!" said Bob.

"Do you really want to play this game?" said Stephan.

"Yes!" said Bob.

Stephan sighed. "Ooh look, Fartacus, a dog warden," he said. "What do you suppose he wants?"

Fartacus shrugged.

"Your dog," said Bob, "is too smelly and too noisy - and so I must take him away!"

"Be my guest," said Fartacus, as he indicated the poodle whimpering in the high branches of the tree and cracked open a can of Coke.

"Um," said Bob; "could you please rescue him first?"

"I would," said Fartacus, "but I don't want to get in the way of official business."

"Official 'dog warden' business," said Stephan, as he did the double-quotes thing with his fingers.

"Oh alright," said Bob, "I am not a dog warden!" - he removed his moustache and hat - "But that beast of yours has been driving me demented!"

"If you don't like all the noise and whatnot," said Stephan, "why don't you just move somewhere quieter?"

"I hadn't thought of that," said Bob, as he scratched his enormous chin; "I shall pack my bags immediately!" - and off he went.

"So then," said Stephan.

"So then, what?" said Fartacus.

"Poodle?" said Stephan.

"Oh yes," said Fartacus, who then rescued the poodle.

"Thanks, Fartacus, you're the best!"

"You're welcome. I'm off."

"Can I sing the Bing Bang Song first?"

"If you do, I'll have to kill you."

"Fair enough."

And that was that.