Daytime TV

Daytime TV

When you're breaking up with someone
You need daytime TV.
Because no break-up is normal.
You need to learn the moves.
The strategies.
You need to hear the words:
Don't Go There.
Uh-huh. No She Didn't.
You need to miss work.
You need a case of Pabst Blue Ribbon and a super bag of potato
chips.
One of your stoner buddies to drop by.
Laugh at the fat transvestites on Ricky.
You need Blind Date and Change of Heart.
So you can say, My God.
Why would I have ever wanted that?
You need Montel to tell you what your rights are.
Maury, break that woman down.
Make her confess that it isn't his baby.
Make her say that she's a dirty whore.
You need the judges.
Mills and Judy and those other ones.
They know who's being stupid.
You need Oprah to tell you that you're a complete person.
You don't need this person.
Kick 'Em To The Curb.
You need Jerry's Final Thought.
The audience explains everything.
They know who's being ignorant.
Who's being crazy.
Who's being hurt.
The audience lays it all out for you.
So you don't have to waste your time and tears on the decision.
It's all cut-and-dry to the audience.
But no break-up is normal.