Heart breaker

My dry tears -
trainer trouser soaking puddle splashings
Walking on with my life

Open the door
See the chair
where
You sat
See the things
You saw
Change them
Rearrange them
Make this room mine
again

Dry my legs

Put your memory in that Schuh box
Pile it away
Safe in the corner I am turning

-------------------------------------------

Not for reminders.
I bet I bet he won't...
I wish I wish he would...

Come to your senses man!
Don't let me slip away!
Helpless, me, waiting

Puddle splash tears
trainer trouser soaking
- Dry my silky legs

Put his memory in the Schuh box
in the corner
I am turning

--------------------------------------------

"I can't do this"
As I crashed.
Meaninglessness.
Suicidal quiver.
What a fool
My heart stranded.
I only saw you as you
Special, unique
You saw me as bits of her
special, similar, familiar
"Honest"
You said
"Aren't you going to say anything"
You said
Self pity, my embarrassing reply
and delete, delete, delete, delete
delete them all
I don't want my sometime other lovers
any more
any...more...?
Silence and space
honour to you
to me
us.

My angel
My saint
Don't you know I can give you space
That you have a place
in my heart bumping
Life Snippet?
You were distant,
clinical
Quality
not quantity my mute reply.
I hear
Your attachment to me
Your fear
Your cognition your pain
resurfaced -
Your lonesome heart alone with her absence
You 2 us 3 you one
My presence shut out.

I want to talk and persuade you
But I heard the key in the lock
and I can do
nothing
But hurt and be sad
Longing
Life - dull
Gloomy drizzled
Carry on carrying on
for the next corner
for the yellow to follow this grey
Hoping for the day
You hold me again
Knowing that
My life
Brim full of unexpected evolution
Will bring
....something
a smidgeon
of hope
in change is all we know

but love is the most important thing
and the measly offerings
I get
Beset Regret

My alone lone reality.

You gave me a feast
filled my corners-

I am trying to be grateful
Gracious
But I am grey, lost lost
starving

...Something
a smidgeon
yellow bright corner light
Oh let it be you!
Let it be you

----------------------------------------

Weave wait
cosmic prayers
trust
'the universe will provide'
I showed you enough.
He and She
Both fools
He for me
She for him
Us three
intangibly
heartstringlinked
You do know me
I am not her
Ah strange attraction made

I fell

bump
ouch
bandages, nurse
of dogcatfur and rust sawdust
Whilst I scratch your back
Paint in my fingernails
You twist my choker
my life

Did you treat me or her so well these weeks?
Who was I to you?

--------

And I remember that day
I thought I'd die perhaps
Everything right
In it's place
fully loved
Calm
happy
at peace
End on a good note
I thought
Shocked
at myself
never
the less
and then that familiar feeling
dark
When you said those familiar words
no thoughts
a plummeting death feeling glimpse
no question,
articulation
bounce up angry-strong
and then gracious
You do what you need to do
Keep my number
I enjoyed it all
every minute
thankyou