Sunday feeling

What colour are my tears?
How can I picture this?
I've had enough of the struggle
I want to give up
move through the terror
give up this exhausting clinging
Societies values, not mine
injested
So I have to struggle on

Can't you take me in your arms
and let my rest my head
forever?
That's all I really need
not double cheese and a cookie
nor a doctor's note - excuse out of everything

My heart aches
in my head

Tears rolling on the inside of my eyeballs

I can't compete anymore
Everything annoys me

This isn't the quiet coach
The quiet coach was too noisy anyway
Journeying towards my lonely home
Safe and warm
and full of fear
(terror of my own neediness
and where it leads me
Terror of isolation and of intimacy)

I hate this
discomfort

I feel trapped

I want to scream
and be wrapped in a blanket
by soft hands and soft words

Kind eyes
Someone to roll my tears over
Take their weight off me

How many calories
Why
How big does that make me now
I only want to be loveable.
Beautiful and loveable.

Too full of emotion
Memories of arms around me
not enough to sustain

Can we swap places please?
Can I hear the music I imagine
In your head
and the silence of content?
Can you work your magic on my
Distress?
Waves of internal waters,
Shrink the oceans to a still pond,
Bright fish gliding through clean water.
Crack my face,
Make the walls crumble,
Help me through,
Let go of my heavy safety,
Face the wrekage gap together,
Build a castle out of warm air.

It's that Sunday feeling
When I'm usually in bed