Boris: The Boredom Monster

Allison stared at her computer screen, watching the cursor mock
her.
Blink. Blink. Blink.

Her head pounded, her eyes were starting to blur, yet she was
determined to write. If only the cursor would stop blinking for two
seconds maybe I could think straight, she though to herself agitated.
Her muscles in her neck and back ached, she yawned for the third time
in the last ten minutes. Fatigue was setting in. It was midnight, and
she still hadn't written anything. She yawned again; her eyes drooped,
and closed. When she opened her eyes again she saw a giant gray and
yellow fur covered 'thing' in front of her.

The thing could only be described as a monster, but monsters don't
exist. This one apparently did. Its gray and yellow fur, looked soft in
places, and sharp as needles in others. The pattern that the two colors
made looked similar to a tabby cat's. The gray color in some spots were
long sprouts, those were what looked sharp like needles. It looked
almost like a strange upright porcupine. It's face looked like a
bulldog's, it had two bottom teeth protruding from its bottom lip. It's
ears looked like horse's ears. It had two horns, one was yellow and
curved upward, and the other was gray and curved downward. If Allison
weren't so scared right now, she would have laughed at the sight of
it.

Allison swallowed as the monster walked closer and closer to her. The
monster bared his teeth, and a growl escaped. Allison was about to
scream, when the monster swooped down and caught her feet in its mouth
and started to swallow her whole. Allison thrashed and thrashed,
hitting and grabbing. She grabbed and hit the monster, hoping that she
would render it unconscious. Instead as the monster swallowed her bit
by bit, her world started to turn gray and dull.
Then when she was waist deep in the monsters mouth she only saw tiny
bits of color.

Maybe if I tell the monster jokes it will spit me out. Alas, I cannot
think of any joke; not even any about chickens crossing the road.
Perhaps the monster has a soft spot and if I tell him that I have
people I love in the world, especially one in particular person named
Aaron he'll let me go. Allison thought to herself, trying to figure out
ways to get the monster to let her go.

Nothing seems to work though.

"What do you want?" She asked breathless, and dazed.

The monster pointed to her phone, with his long clawed paw.

"You want to make a phone call?" Allison asked not believing what she
was seeing.

The monster growled and shakes his head, which causes me to slip
further into his mouth.

"You want me to call someone?"

He nods and I slip out of his mouth a little.

"Whom am I supposed to call?" She says.

The monster, which Allison has nicknamed Boris; just continues to
point.

"You want me to call my mother?"

He shakes his head.

"Annoying Matt?"

He snickers, Allison slips out a little, but he shakes his head then
she slips back down.

"Andrea?"

He shrugs his shoulders.

"Ok, hand me the phone and I'll call her."

He shakes his head.

"So, you want me to call someone else?"

He nods.

"Um&;#8230;Amber?"

Shakes head.

"You know if you just take me out of
your mouth and tell me who you want me to call this would be so much
easier."

"Grrr." Boris growls, causing Allison to feel the vibration from head
to toe.

"Ok, stupid suggestion."

Who else is in my phone book? Allison thinks to herself. My mom's best
friend Colleen, but I call her for emergencies, Tom's mother (shudder),
Ashley (bigger shudder).

"You want me to call Aaron don't you?" She says after she goes through
the list, and Aaron was the only logical possibility.

Boris nods enthusiastically Allison practically falls out of his mouth.
She is dangling by her feet now. Surprisingly, Boris's mouth was dry
and not slobbery and wet; although Allison's clothes were dull in
color. So instead of a bright pink shirt and jeans, it looked like a
grayish blue, and pink.

"Um&;#8230;Allison and phones do not mix."
Boris growls.

"Allison does not make sense on phone...not that I make anymore sense
on the net, but it's my blankie."

Boris continues to growl.

"Let me call Andrea, she'll do all the talking. Let me call annoying
Matt and he can tell me that I'm a halfwit and bring up embarrassing
stories.

He still growls, he will not give up.

"Just swallow me already Boris."
He laughs.

"Boris, come on this is getting a little crazy. I'm hanging out of your
mouth like I'm a mouse in a cat's moth."

Boris starts to growl again.

"And would you stop that, I don't believe you for a minute that you are
really mean and terrible."

He starts to laugh again. I am shaking in his clutches, almost falling
out of his mouth,and onto my head.

"Please, Boris. I'm a silly girl I know it, but I hate the telephone.
Well I don't hate it; I hate trying to be coherent on the phone. If you
make me call Aaron, you're just asking for me to be like&;#8230;
'well, uh&;#8230;how are them there purty pictures of yers?' I drop
at least 20 IQ points. I mutter nonsensical things&;#8230;it's not a
pretty picture Boris. Do you really want me to do that to
myself?"

Boris nods.

"You are a very stubborn monster aren't you?"

He laughs.

"How about a compromise. Can I e-mail Aaron about calling?"

Boris Shrugs.

"How about I tell him to call me?"

Boris nods.

Aaron,
So here I am, feet still in Boris's mouth. He's a very relentless
monster. Do you realize how hard it is to type when you are dangling
five feet in the air upside down? Your blood rushing to your brain, you
start to feel yourself becoming lightheaded. He's growling at me again.
Be quiet so I can get this e-mail done. So Boris will not be happy
until I make this compromise will you Boris? "nog" (Boris talk for
yes). So make this monster happy and give me a call. You have my
number, I'm sure you can dredge it up from the far reaches of your
brain. Boris is laughing at me! Oh I did what you wanted will you
please behave! I think he likes me&;#8230; he's nodding, HELP ME!!!!
Now he's growling at me again. Boris! Ouch! He just spit me out and I
practically landed on my head. He's still in my room. What am I going
to do? He's looking over my shoulder. "yhg sges ngh!" Boris says
pointing to me then to the screen. "I something computer?" Boris growls
at me, shaking his head at me. He won't leave me alone Aaron. I don't
have time to play charades with a boredom monster. How come he can
understand English, why can't he speak it? He's laughing at me again.
He's a very bad monster. He's making a nest out of my blankets on my
bed and is going to take a nap! Well since Boris refuses to translate
for me, because he's a very stubborn monster I will have to go. He's
growling again. No Boris I'm not going to talk anymore. More growling.
Good night Aaron. Ergb negs, that's good night in Boris talk
apparently. I think he's going to let me sign off now. Boris is yawning
and curling up on the corner of my bed where he made his nest. It's
pretty sad when you bore the boredom monster. I'll talk to you later
then. He's snickering at me. Boris, just go to sleep.
Love (Snickers) BORIS!!!
Allison and Boris

Allison signs off the computer after she sends the e-mail laughing.
Aaron is going to think I have lost it. Who's ever heard of a boredom
monster named Boris? Or any monster in fact. Allison looks at the
sleeping monster on her bed and decides can't beat them join them, so
she gets into her pajamas and gets into bed.

She slept well considering that there was a 7 foot tall boredom monster
snoring on the corner of her bed stealing the covers all night. She
didn't ask why he was still there. She did however; give him some of
her slim Jims to eat. He really liked them. Aaron called later that day
laughing at the e-mail.

"Allison, you are an odd one."

"I know."

"Where did you ever come up with that story of a Boredom
monster."

"Um, just crept up on me I guess."

"So, you want to meet for dinner tonight?"

"Sure."

"Ok, I'll see you around 5 then."

"See you there."

"Bye, bye."

Allison hung up the phone and went over to where Boris was sitting and
hugged him. "Thank you, Boris!"

Boris reluctantly hugged her back. Boredom monsters were supposed to
strike fear into human's hearts not make them happy.