F-LTA Chapter 7

We finished the pizza and I put the dishes in the sink to be washed
later that evening. I sat back down on the bed and put my feet up, but
I wasn't quite comfortable so I kept on readjusting myself. He noticed
what I was doing and gently grabbed my legs and put them on his lap. I
smiled at him and went back to watching the movie. After a few minutes
Aaron started to tickle the back of my knees. I started to giggle,
which only made him tickle me more.

"Hey, no fair!" I said trying my best to tickle him back but he blocked
me.

"I want you to tell me!" He replied tickling my side.

"Ah, I see you butter me up, then when that fails you go back to the
torture tactics."

"Yep, so?"

"Nope."

"Not even a hint?"

"Not even a glimpse of a hint."

I looked at Aaron's face and laughed, he looked like a little puppy
dog; sad eyes, and pouted lips.

"Ok, I'll give you a deal. I'll tell you if you go to the Fall Ball.
However, I won't tell you until then." I said thinking of a way to make
both of us happy.

"Well, ok. I was definitely going already. I am after all a senior this
year and want to go no matter what." He said taking his hands away to
stop tickling.

"So do we have a deal? We go to the dance and I'll tell you what you
want to know. And you won't bother me about it before then." I said
sticking out my hand
for a handshake.

"Deal." He said shaking my hand firmly.

"Ok, let's go back to watching the movies before I was rudely
interrupted." I said laughing.

"Hey now!" He said offended.

"What I certainly didn't ask you to tickle me now did I?"

"Well, no. Sometimes, you just have to. If you the opportunity arises
you have to take advantage of it."

"Ugh, you just reminded me of something Tom once said to me. I guess
it's true then, men just don't have any self-control when it comes to
women."

"Ok, now that is a little low. Just because Tom was a total asshole
doesn't mean all men are. I happen to have a lot of self-control,
especially lately." He said sitting on the bed so that he was facing
me; his last few words seem to hang in the air.
I sat there looking at him not sure what to do next. On one hand he
just called Tom an asshole, which is always a good thing in my book. On
the other hand he made me feel really small because he caught me making
a ghastly assumption of all men. On the other hand (which makes me have
too many hands) I was really confused of what those last words actually
meant. I was torn between anger and hope. Which meant I was torn
between wanting to hit him and wanting to kiss him. I went for the one
in the middle, which was to apologize.

"I'm sorry." I said dropping my gaze.

"Allison, look at me. I didn't say that to make you upset and
apologize; I just wanted you to realize that not all guys are the
same."

"It's hard for me. I was in love with Tom. I thought he was going to
give me the moon and the stars. But I was the one who ended up giving
him the moon and stars. I spent most of my high school and college
years giving him everything that I could. He was sweet emotionally, and
sometimes give me some really nice things. But I was the one who stood
by him when no one else would. I could count all the times he stood by
me on one hand. I don't want to be anyone's guardian angel. I don't
even want anyone to be mine. I want to be with someone and we're
equals. I want to give and get something in return. I want to be able
to take the person I am in love with home to my mom, and have her love
him too. I used to laugh at those stupid TV shows where the parents
forbade the daughter from seeing the 'boy from the wrong side of the
tracks', until it actually happened to me. I spent most of my time and
energy trying to convince my mother that Tom was a nice guy, that I was
blind to the truth. After all the times Tom and I have broken up I was
always hoping there was this glimmer of another chance to be together.
Now it is much different, I don't want that hope. I don't want Tom
anymore, at least as a boyfriend. A friend perhaps, but even then he
would find ways of making me fall over myself to help him. In short I
am over Tom and what he meant to me. I want to move on with my life.
With people like you in my life I think it is possible." I said getting
everything that I felt about my life out in the air. Well almost
everything.

Aaron sat there the whole time silently nodding. When I talked about
Tom, I noticed a stormy look in his eyes and face. Then when I got to
the point where I was talking about moving on and finding someone who
was my equal I saw the stormy clear away and a light shown through
instead. A look of hope, or at least that's what I hoped it
meant.

"Allison, don't you ever give up on love and life. This is just another
bump in the road. A small one compared to the many others you have
encountered." He said putting his arm around me. "Who knows when the
next chance might come?"

A chill went down my spine when he said the last part. Is there a
hidden possibility? I was going to hope, but not too much just in case
it wasn't true.
Aaron is my friend, and I love him both as a friend and more, and if
blurting out my feelings for him meant losing him then I'll just keep
it inside for a while.

"Thanks again for letting me vent. I really wish it were an Olympic
event because I certainly would win a medal. I mean I seem like I'm
always venting. Geez, I'm now venting about venting. I'll just be quiet
for now. Can I rewind the tape some since we missed most of it because
of my venting?" I said leaning on Aaron.

"It's not a problem. I actually like to hear you vent. I think it's
interesting."

"You're an odd person did you know that."

"That's what people tell me."

He nodded and I pressed play on the tape. I felt all of the tension
that was all around me just go away. I was relaxed and comfortable and
it was all because of Aaron. I leaned my head on his shoulder and
released a sigh.

"Are you tired" Aaron asked.

"Not really. Just happy." I said smiling.

"Good." He said and we continued to watch the movie in silence.

Well after the movie was done Aaron stayed and we flipped through the
channels and would comment and joke around about each of the shows we
watched. Our favorite victims were the dating shows and the
infomercials.
An hour passed and it was time for Aaron to go. We were both reluctant
to leave the comfortable bond that had formed.

"It's 11:50 I should get going."

"Oh come on, we still need to find out who the fifth wheel is. Ten more
minutes, I don't think they'll have a conniption if you're down there 2
minutes late."

"Ok, ten more minutes then I'm out."
"Why can't you just live on campus it would make life so much
easier."

"Yeah, but even then we would have to worry about
'cohabitation'."

"That word is used too much around here. I'm really starting to think
they don't even know what it means. I meant they accuse people of
watching 'objectionable' material in mixed company as cohabitation.
It's kind of hard to take them seriously sometimes." I said rolling my
eyes.

"You sound a little bitter."

"Well, that's over and done with."

"Do you think if Tom wasn't banned from campus, would he be here
instead of me?"

"I still think things would have been over between Tom and I. It might
have taken a little longer but things were strained between us. There
were a lot of unresolved issues from the last time we broke up. I think
we were kidding ourselves that we were ready for the relationship that
we had. I think the main reason we kept on getting back together was
because we had a history together. Everyone saw us as Allison and Tommy
super couple. He knew what made me sad, and knew what made me happy. So
we were lazy when it came to each other, and even more with new people.
It's like we just didn't want to give anybody else a chance. All of the
guys had no idea what kind of past I had. The moment they wanted to
know, I would gloss over the parts about my sister and my dad. Now
though, I actually know who I am without Tom. And if I was to go into a
new relationship I know I would be ready. Of course you know all of
those guys are just lining up for their chance." I explained getting
slightly wistful.

"You'd be surprised." He said quietly.

"Oh, do you know something I don't?" I asked looking him in the
eyes.

"I might," he said replied leaning toward me.

"Oh really? Care to enlighten me?" I said raising my eyebrows.

"Sure, when you tell me, I'll tell you. "

"You're such a pain!" I said exasperated.

"Takes one to know one."

"Ok, that's it! You're out of here!" I said pulling him up by his arm
and gently pushing him to the door suppressing my laughter.

"We're still on for the dance right?"

"Yes! Now go before I change my mind." I manage to say with a straight
face.
He left my room with a smile on his face. When he turned the corner to
get to the elevator I heard him laugh. I closed my door and leaned my
back against it and burst out laughing. After the fit of laughter was
over I got ready for bed. The smile on my face never left. I noticed
that I've had plenty of days like today, especially when Aaron was
around. Right before I went to sleep I looked out of my window and
thanked my three lucky stars.

The next morning I woke up and decided to work on my story until I had
to go to class. I set my alarm for 10:45; fifteen minutes before I had
to go to class. Knowing me and how intently I work I would keep going
well past when I should. I pushed play on my CD player and went work.
The next thing I knew my alarm went off. I saved the story and checked
the total pages: 50. I just wrote 10 pages in an hour! Oh, well, I
don't have any time to celebrate. I think I'll only have a few pages
left; maybe I'll finish it when I get back to rehearsal with Aaron
tonight. Right now I have class to attend.

Classes went by, I'm not sure if my brain absorbed anything or not, or
even if there was anything to be absorbed. One class seemed to bleed
into the next. Finally 5'o clock rolled around and I was done learning,
or at least going through the motions of learning.
I went to dinner with friends, it seemed like my life was finally
getting back to normal. Normalcy seemed such a foreign concept to me.
Was it less than a week ago that I had all of my meals with Ashley?
It's all so far away now. Now is a new routine. Hopefully, soon I'll be
having dinner with Aaron too. My mind wandered at the thought of Aaron.
Was there actually something there to look forward to? Whatever way it
goes I hope I'll still have him in my life. I looked at my watch and
realized I had to be down at St. Mary's to meet Aaron for rehearsal in
10 minutes. I said my goodbyes and ran down the hill. I went into St.
Mary's and ran up the stairs so I wouldn't be late. I opened the
breathless.

"On time with 10 seconds to spare." Aaron said laughing.

"I think? I just?broke a record?for running down that hill." I said in
between heavy breaths.

"You know, you could have been late coming down here."

"I hate to be late though."

"Yet, you're constantly late for class."

"Well, I'm always getting up late in the morning. Morning classes are
like my worst nightmare for me."

"Ok, let's stop procrastinating and actually get to work. We only have
one more coaching session, and then we perform."

"Ugh, don't remind me." I said plopping down on the step.

"You hate doing the scene that much?" He said sitting next to me.

"No, of course not! I love doing the scene. I just don't want to
perform it."

"What part of the scene do you like the best?"

My head seemed to spin; did he actually just ask that? Of course I
couldn't tell the truth and say the kiss. So I replied in true
diplomatic fashion. "I can't pick a part. I like the whole
scene."

"Are you telling the truth?"

"Why wouldn't I? What's your favorite part?"

"The part right after the 'frozen skinny lovers' part." He said, which
meant the part leading into the kiss.

"Oh." I replied after a short silence had fallen. "Well, let's stop
chit chatting about the play and actually start rehearsing."

"Wasn't that what I said a few minutes ago?"

"Yeah, but then you distracted me."

"You get distracted very easily you know that."

"Yes, because you're very distracting."

"Whoa, that was cryptic. Care to translate?"

"Nope, add that to the list of things I'll share with you at the
dance."

"Ok.Scene."

"See, very distracting."

Eventually, we did get to our scene. I was surprised that when it came
to the kiss, it still sent shivers down my spine. Either we're really
great actors and we effect our partner, or something real was
happening. However, I wasn't going to do anything about it until the
dance. Then, it will be the two of us, with no acting going on. No
scene to be played, just two people living life.

"So, do you want to do the scene again?" Aaron asked, his arms still
around my waist.

It took me a while to figure out that he meant the scene, and not the
kiss; I merely nodded. Two more days left until performance, I don't
want it to come. Of course the sooner we finish up with this scene the
sooner I will know what is fact and what is fiction.

"Earth to Allison."

"I did it again?"

"Yes. You know I think there's a word for what you are?"

"Is there really?"

"Of course. Chronic Daydreamer."

"Is that a bad thing?"

"Depends. I mean if you can't tell the difference between when you're
dreaming and when you aren't, then you can't distinguish between fact
and fantasy."

"I already have that problem." I said sadly.

"Should I just add that to the list?"

"Can we call it a night?"

"Yeah, of course. Are you okay?"

I shrugged and sighed heavily. "Yes and no. I'll be fine as soon as I
crawl into my bed for the night."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah."

"Do you need a ride up?"

"I guess. I just don't want to walk up that hill by myself at
night."

"You know, I'll walk up the hill with you, and I'll just get my car
later."

"Are you sure? I don't want you to do something that you don't want to
do."

"Allison, I don't mind. If you want to walk up the hill at night, but
you don't want to walk alone I'm here."

"You sound like a Hallmark card."

"When you care about sending the very best."

"That's just frightening."

"Signs that tells you, that I watch a little too much TV."

"Only a little?" I smiled.

"See, I know I could cheer you up."

"How do you do that?"

"Comes naturally I guess."

"One minute I just want to crawl into bed
and wanting to forget the world for the night. The next you say
something and I don't want to leave."

"Split personality?"

"Ha ha. No, I'm just saying I'm so used to dealing with stuff on my own
it becomes a reflex."

"Translation, when you're upset you just want to be alone."

"Not exactly. I'm just so used to being alone when I'm upset, it
becomes the only way I know how to deal with it."

"Just because of someone like Tom?"

"A bunch of 'someones' like Tom."

"Well now you have someone like me."

"Uh-oh, big ego warning."

"So you're denying the fact that because of me you don't want to be
alone?"

"Neither denying, nor confirming anything."

"Just the truth." He said quickly.

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing and everything."

"You're making my head hurt."

"You started it."

"I did no such thing." I said poking him in the ribs.

"Now you are in denial. Do you want me to tickle you?" He said
preparing to retaliate.

"There's a question that has no right answer. If I say yes, you'll
tickle me, if I say no you'll tickle me even worse. So why bother?" I
said backing away quickly.

"To give you a head start." He said then started to chase me.