Every Toenail Tells A Story

D.N.A.' s a nightmare
For us nice well meaning crooks
It's the type of thing you can't ignore -
You HAVE to read the books
But in case you haven't got the time
To sit around and read
I've prepared a little summary
To stand in reading's steed
It's a little rhyme that I've composed
To help you get away
From those nasty little lawmen
And prevent a penal stay
So be sure to learn it off by heart
Then things won't go amiss,
It's my ode to evil D.N.A.
It goes a lot like this:
Every little bit of you
Contains a tiny map
From the folicles within your hair
To pieces of your crap
It's a map of what you look like
And the way you feel and think
It's a map that tells them who you are
And if your armpits stink
Each drop of moisture on your skin
Contains this little atlas
So always wear your gloves at work
And never go round hatless -
If you leave the smallest bit of you
Behind when you've been stealing
Then they'll know exactly who you are
And probably how you're feeling
'Cause this tiny map is D.N.A.
The scourge of all our kind
It's the tiny little squealer
In each bit you leave behind
Every toenail tells a story
Every dandruff flake a tale
Every bit of your excretion
Tells them if you're dark or pale
Every fingerprint is fatal
Every footprint leads them on
Every bit of fluff you've touched
Could tell them where you've gone
So be careful fellas - wear your gloves
And keep your hat on too
'Cause the merest bit of D.N.A
And they'll be on to you!