My Dog Is Made Of Dynamite

"My dog is made of dynamite
His tail a cunning fuse!"
That's what I yell at bus-stops
To get past the dreadful queues.
The people scream and run away -
I climb right on the bus
The journey is quite peaceful
With no bother and no fuss.
Today I caught the 43
To take me to the shops
I sat right by the window
And I gloated at the stops,
Every time the journey paused
I'd look outside with glee
At all the different queuing folk
All wishing they were me
Sitting on the nice warm bus
Not standing in the rain
With fifty Chinese tourists who've just got off the train.
As I watched I shook with mirth
I laughed until I cried
'Cause my dog was made of dynamite
And I was warm inside.
Then suddenly my laughter stopped
My face became dry eyed
As a pensioner walked past the queue
And calmly stepped inside.
He looked at me from down the aisle
Our eyes were locked together
He motioned down towards his feet
Where a dog was calmly tethered
He said "My name is Albert
And I've come to save this bus
I'd like to introduce my dog
His name is Semtex Russ,
Are you going quietly
Or shall we step outside?
Settle this like proper men
Win or lose with pride."
Looking in his eyes again
I stood up nice and slow
And in my best Clint Eastwood voice
Said "Come on then let's go."
We stepped onto the pavement
And we stood ten feet apart,
Our hands upon our dog-leads
And murder in our hearts
He said "Go for your dog!"
And I drew fast as I could
But Albert was too quick for me
His aim was just too good
As I fell down to the ground I gasped
"D'you think I'll go to Heaven?"
And Albert said "Of course you will -
Just catch the 27.
God knows that you're not evil
That you've just been led astray,
And all you ever needed
Was someone to show the way."
I said "Are you an Angel?"
Albert laughed and said "Not quite,
I'm a sort of electrician -
I'm just sent to mend the light"
Suddenly I found myself
Before the Pearly Gates
But my happiness was proved short lived -
A queue! I'd have to wait!
But then inspiration struck me
And I cleared my throat once more:
"My dog is made of dynamite
Let me to the door!"