Wrinkleskin

It had been a long time. A very long time.

My memory has no space for dates anymore. My days are spent resting, remembering things I do not want to forget.

I like to feel the warmth of the sun on my body. The clothes I wear are loose, old and voluminous around my thin frame.

Below me I can see my home. I can remember evenings when I would return and the weight of loneliness pressed down on me. As I set eyes on the place I had built, I would question my sanity in continuing.

But I would keep going.

I can still remember the day they started to come.

It was Keisha and Riaz first, dragging what little they had on a makeshift plastic sled. They were so tired, and very wary of me at first. Gradually their wariness faded as they realized I was no threat to them and they began telling me the story of their journey.

More people came many nights after Keisha and Riaz. They all told similar tales; they all wore the same anguished expressions on their faces and they were all searching for something.

As I look down now upon my home, it is harder than ever before to make it out, dwarfed and swamped by the dwellings that have thrived in its vicinity.

I often wonder about the foolishness of the way I am. I mean, I crave these times, when my body allows me to climb the incline and settle here, resting and watching, finding myself needing the loneliness I felt before Keisha and Riaz arrived. And yet, I know back then all I wanted was the company of other souls as lost as I was.

I remember the anger I felt when they first started telling me about their nightmare.

I hope we can all build something different here now. It is different, and always has been, but I want to know that when I’m gone, what remains will be enough to ensure hope for all those who follow.

I know my time is close. I know I am old. I was someone else when Keisha and Riaz arrived, but now I am Wrinkleskin, the elder of our group and completely different.

I became Wrinkleskin many years ago now, when a little girl in a red dress caught sight of me as she entered the settlement for the first time. Her name was Autumn and she was accompanied by a rag-tag band of people, bound only by the desire to find something better. I was trying to recover from injuries of battle at the time, injuries I am still fighting. The battles I still fight in my head. Autumn saw me sitting outside the house where Agi, the only person with medical expertise at the time, would treat my wounds.

Autumn had probably never seen anyone as old as I was then. I am still the oldest person in the settlement now.

The name stuck, as others found it funny and I decided to keep the name, choosing it as a way out from where I was, or who I was. Agi had been telling me for some time that I could not go on fighting and that I should leave it to those more able. I knew it too. I could no longer continue the onerous duties of leading this community, nor could I risk being captured in battle and being made a focal point for our enemies.

But it took a little girl like Autumn, standing in the sunshine with the light bouncing off her golden hair, her red dress tattered and stained and her bare feet bleeding in places to see me as I really was.

An old man.

“Wrinkleskin!”

I hear my name being called and turn my head. Riaz is running toward me, carrying something in his arms. The object he is carrying seems heavy, but then Riaz has grown into a bull of a man, and he carries his load with little effort. He is far stronger than I ever was, and I am glad I named him as my successor.

“Wrinkleskin,” shouts Riaz again, stopping short about two metres from where I sit. “It was right where you said it should be. We found them. We’ve done it.”

“Slow down Riaz,” I reply. “Catch your breath for a moment.” Riaz has been away with the group of volunteers he requested for many days now, but I want a few more moments of reflection before we start the next chapter in the history of the settlement. “Okay Riaz, tell me.”

Although he is the leader now, I am still revered by him. Even though he was by my side for many of our battles and raids, much of what he thinks of me is still myth and legend rather than cold brutal fact. Perhaps this is why I find it so hard to let go of my hold over these people, because in some way, while I still have their destiny in my hands, I am part of their thoughts and yes, their affections, and maybe I am not as lonely as I would like to think.

“We went in the direction you told us to, for ten nights. Carl can truly take us anywhere, his tricks for showing us where we are really work. We found the metal fences and the grey buildings, just as you had described.” Riaz pauses. He loves to tell a story. “It was hard work getting inside until Clara worked her magic with the plastic explosive you gave us. There was so much stuff inside, I had to leave five people there to guard it all until I can go back with more people and bring back some more.”

Riaz lays the object at my feet and I lean forward to look upon it. All I see is death. A multi-purpose rocket, guaranteed to do more damage than the crude implements we have been using up until now.

I didn’t want this to happen, but now it seems it is inevitable. Some other bright spark out there had some of the old weapons and was using them to reverse some of the advances we had made. I suddenly feel the cold even though the sun still shines gloriously.

“Riaz, please come and sit down.” I move my arm to indicate the space next to me. My eye is caught again by the bronze plaque screwed into the back of the seat. IN MEMORY OF JOHN CAINE B. 1922 D. 1983 A MAN OF FAITH AND CHARITY.

“Is something wrong?” asks Riaz.

“No,” I reply. “Please, let me have a moment.”

Riaz nods his head and says no more.

There is no other way. I have been over this again and again in my mind, and the outcome is always the same. If we don’t have an advantage, or at least an equal chance, the people in the settlement will be thrown back into the pit of hopelessness they tried desperately to escape. The Collapse of society was bad enough, when things like water, electricity and gas stopped coming through holes in the wall and the pipes in the ground. When everything that we had all relied upon came crashing down around us and no one could see the way out. When people we loved were lost in what used to have been the most un-threatening of ways, yet we never stood a chance because of our naivety. Poisoned water. Poisoned food. Fights over tins and bottles resulting in murder and butchery. The very worst of the human spirit laid bare for all to see, while those without strength or ability died where they lay. These are memories I want no more, but they come back with such ferocity as I contemplate the future of our settlement.

I know a great divide must have existed before the Collapse, but it is only since then that I have realized its true extent. There are those who only wish to live their lives in peace, without trying to harm anyone else. Then there are those who see others as weak and mistake peaceful intentions as an excuse to subjugate them to their will.

Anarchy is a place for the best and the worst.

This is why I decided to escape the cities and towns; to escape the arbitrary rules of human nature championed by those only intent on causing destruction and harm. This is why I made my home here, lucky as I was to find somewhere so protected. By the standard of those living before the Collapse, this is an isolated place. To me, it is somewhere I feel safe. It will not last if we cannot defend it.

And sometimes defence is the best form of attack.

I hoped to have left death and destruction behind all those years ago. I had not thought they would seek me out and entrap me in their games again. These people who came here – guided by something none of us ever talk about – came here for protection. They told stories about the worst possible deeds, done by humans to other humans, and eventually we decided to settle the score. Perhaps I was wrong to advocate such a path.

Now it is up to people like Riaz to defend those who are unable to defend themselves.

“Riaz.” I turn to him as I speak. “You must move the settlement.” I see the look of astonishment in his eyes.

“What? Right now?”

“Yes Riaz. It is the only way. You must move the settlement further north, further into the cold. You must use the advantage the cold gives you against those who seek to destroy us. You must take with you all that you might need to build an army of the cold. You must rely on every individual to do their part. And, you must leave me here.”

I can see the effect my words are having on him. I am barely able to say them myself. But I must. I have to see the face of my enemy one last time. I know they are coming. I still have enough strength left for one more battle.

“We cannot leave you here,” says Riaz, and I am embarrassed for him when I see the water gathering in the corners of his eyes. “I need your guidance, your counsel.”

“You are ready, Riaz, no matter what you think. You have already shown great courage and leadership. These people need you. So will others who will come. For as long as I remain here I will send them on to you. All I ask in return is that someone makes the return journey every year to bring news of the settlement.”

“It’s not right, you are an old man. You need people looking after you.”

No amount of his arguing will persuade me. He knows I am right about moving the settlement, and he will lead the people well.

I remind myself of the day Riaz presented me with the park bench we sit on now, having dragged it back from where he found it. I can remember the effect it had on me. Such a rare yet ordinary treasure, brought back from another time and serving to remind me that there will always people wanting to sit down to enjoy the peace.

I don’t know what brought these people here to me. I know they want somewhere safe where they can live their lives as best they can. I want them to have this, but I don’t want it to cost as much as I know it can.

“It is time.” I look up to him and nod my head. “You know I am right.”

“I know Wrinkleskin,” he replies. “I just wish it could be different, that’s all.”

I watch as he walks away to lead the settlement to its new home.

Peace and loneliness will soon return to me.