The world is such a beautiful place

I really must get some sleep my eye lids closing like squeezed out half lemons

Burning from the noxious fumes and swirls of the last cigarette before I hit the sack

I felt like I’d been up for months, resting only once in a while to rejuvenate my

Frazzled exhausted brain. Taking the odd drink of water, more of as a medicant than

A tonic.

This journey is hard I thought…I’m in middle age and still burning the candle at both ends

Work during the day, then my nights consumed with trying to type up reports and schedules

For the coming year. There has to be more than this…an endless sea of work and no play.

I light up another cigarette. I’m smoking so much more now than I used to.

Still surprisingly I still feel strong…my muscles wont relax, tense from midnight trips to the gym

To try and change the scenario.

Then it’s back to the grind…more water and cigarettes…can’t remember the last time I had a home

Cooked meal…I go to the fridge and nearly trip over overflowing bags of rubbish…

Has my life really come to this…endless nights and days of fatigue but unable to sleep.

And cupboards begging for food and a sink full of takeaway trays and stained coffee cups.

Life goes on outside downtown…I’m living in the city but the life escapes me.

I wish I was married, if only for my wife to say “turn it in now darling, your side of the bed is getting cold.”

And what of me being single without children to garnish my bachelor pad? Running and screaming

Reminding me of how I once was…I should be in a different place now. A place in my life where I’m slowing down, with past references and landmarks to remind me of the age I am now.

Thankfully I have my nephews to give me some hope of acting out being a parent.

My sister brings them down every now and again so I can see how they are growing.

Was I once that young? That carefree? That interested in everything and the world

The time we spend inspires me and I take snapshots on my phone camera so I have a lasting memory of how special they are…then real life kicks me in the guts…that’s probably how I developed

This peptic ulcer…more sips of cool water and I promise myself a last cigarette.

Close my laptop and have a military style wash…before turning in for an hour on the cold side of the bed…without my wife by my side.  Life sucks.