It Still Ticks

it still ticks in my mind, though i smile and say i'm happy now,
it's still here screaming in my head. i'm never free of my memories,
they'll always be a part of me and who i am. i'm made up of my past,
each tear shed and each scar. they will always be there, reminding me -
this is who you are. my mind is haunted by my thoughts, my heart leads
me to happyness, but my head is dragging me down into this pit of
distruction. pulling me down to my knees. each step feels like a lead
weight. i'm tired, my bodies exhausted. i'm so close to giving in, my
heart thumps in my chest, it's tired too. of taking second place to my
torturous mind. i wish it could all end, all of it, forever. it would
just leave me and let me be happy. it hurts me that you can't see my
fear, the stains of my tears, my shaking hand. i'm still hurting, and
you said you could see. but your not helping me. are you watching me
drown or do you not know me well enough to see into my eyes and see
what i'm thinking? i can't ask for help anymore.