Refund

When I returned to an antique shop, the owner was stunned.
He was outraged when I demanded that he give me a refund.
The vase that I bought was supposed to be a ming vase but it was made in Taiwan. 
I paid five Thousand for that vase but when he sold it to me, I was being conned.
When it came to giving me a refund, I told him that he'd better hustle.
He called his man out of the back room who has very big muscles.
I kicked that man in the nuts but that didn't do the trick.
I expected him to fall but he turned out to be a eunuch.
When that didn't work, I hit him in the head with an antique candle holder.
He was out cold, the S.O.B. couldn't have been knocked out any colder.
I beat the crap out of the owner and took five thousand from his cash register.
That vase was supposed to be for my wife but I ended up disappointing her.
My wife is big and mean and she can do a great deal of harm.
When she learned that I couldn't get the vase, she broke my legs and my right arm.
I told her that I would have to buy her something else instead.
She knocked me down the stairs, I'm amazed that I'm not dead.
I decided to divorce that wicked witch when I didn't die.
I'm divorcing her and you're dumb if you're asking why.
I have some advice for married men and they'd better listen to me for sure.
If your wife is as big and mean as my wife, you'd better not disappoint her.