Drugs

(oo-er, scary topic alert)

Imagine, if you will, the following conversation, which will have taken
place between countless thousands of student/parent combinations over
the years and will almost certainly continue to take place for as long
as students exist:

Student: "Bye Mum, bye Dad. I'll phone you when I get there".

Parents: "Bye then, son / daughter."

Seem reasonable to you? Thought so. Happens all the time. However, the
backroom boffins here have managed to produce a system which enables us
to read the innermost thoughts of the people involved. Using this
system, that conversation actually went a bit like this:

Student: "Bye Mum, bye Dad. I'll write when I get there'". ("Bye Mum,
bye Dad. I'll write when I get there".)

Parents: "Bye then, son / daughter". ("They'll be hooked on them drugs
inside of a week, you mark my words").

Yep. For some reason, all parents automatically assume that their
offspring will be drug-crazed hippie dropouts within ten minutes. (In
some cases, they're right.) In the mind of the average parent, student
rooms come with tie-dyed wall coverings, Hendrix at Monterey posters
already on the wall and six hundredweight of joss sticks already
provided.

This is not strictly true.

However, it is worth noting that in the wild and wonderful world of
higher education, anything is possible. You have to remember that there
will be new and exciting experiences lurking round every corner and
yes, drugs will be one of them. Treat them like a kiddie in a sweet
shop with a blank cheque and you'll be in real trouble before you can
say 'detox.' Use a little intelligence, and you'll be a lot happier.
The point being that this chapter is not quite as humorous as its tone
might suggest: drugs can and do kill people and not just the ones you
hear about on the news. I'm not telling you how to live your life -
just bear in mind that of all the new things that you are likely to get
exposed to as a student, these are the ones with the highest likelihood
of putting you in a bodybag.

As the author sits here with a bottle of Jack Daniels by his elbow and
one of many, many Marlboro's stuck in his face, it is easy to see how
drugs become a problem. They are incredibly insidious things. Drugs are
simply chemicals that do things to the way your body works. Alcohol,
caffeine, nicotine, aspirin - all drugs, but not perceived as such by
the Western mentality. The Pandora's box that was opened by the first
caveman who breathed deeply whilst standing next to a particular
burning bush just ain't gonna go away. So get used to it. By way of an
introduction to some of the more common things you are likely to meet,
we present a Cut-Out-And-Keep Guide to Common Substances, detailing
what they are, what they do to you, what you're likely to get sold
instead and what (if anything) the Law has to say about it.

Cannabis

Comes in a bewildering variety of guises, only matched by the number of
different ways of taking it: smoking it, baking it into cookies, or
using the legendary V-12 8-litre Turbo Gravity Bong (on your own head
be it.) Makes you drowsy, giggly, talk at length about nothing in
particular and stare in rapt fascination at the flashing lights on your
stereo. Slows down mental activity, making driving while stoned A Very
Silly Thing. Mixing cannabis and alcohol will make you very sick. You
may be sold henna, herbal cigarettes, butchered herbal teabags or the
brown bit from a child's watercolour paint set instead. Cannabis resin
and grass are Class B drugs so you could be sentenced to up to 5 years
for possession and 14 years for supply. Growing it is also illegal,
with a maximum 14 year sentence. You can get imprisoned for up to 14
years for allowing your premises to be used for smoking or supplying.
Cannabil oil is a Class A drug, which carries a price tag of up to 7
years for possession and life for supply.

Nitrates (poppers)

Currently legal, this is a little bottle of fluid which you sniff.
Available from any outlet of the sex industry, it produces an instant
rush and makes indulgers feel like they are about to have an orgasm
that will register on seismographs in Tokyo. Those who have recently
taken a hit are easily identified by rapid speech and a bright red
face. The rush does not last for long, however and is frequently
followed by a vicious headache. Not recommended if you're pregnant, or
have heart conditions, asthma, diabetes, epilepsy.

Solvents

Oh boy. One to avoid. Since all of these things turn up in other
products, you are taking a whacking great risk by sniffing solvents
since you haven't got a clue what the other things in the product are
going to do to you. Solvents can wreck your lungs and liver function
and that's on a good day. Frequently fatal. It is only illegal to
supply solvents to someone under the age of 18 if it is known that it
will be used for sniffing.

Ecstasy

This one has been touted as the certain cause of the Downfall Of
Civilisation As We Know It. But then, they all have. Comes as a tablet
or capsule, which you swallow. Produces feelings of intense euphoria
and affection towards everyone in the world, or at least in the same
club. Affects the brain, causing you to become locked into repetitive
action. Varies wildly in terms of purity/ content and so fairly
unpredictable in terms of quality or duration of experience. Can lead
to dehydration and (in extreme cases) loss of spinal fluid, causing
heatstroke or death. Just about everything possible has turned up
masquerading as E, from compressed glucose and Warfarin up to cocktails
of speed and smack by-products. E is a Class A drug, so once again you
are looking at up to 7 years for possession and life for supply.

LSD

Invented by a Swiss chemist, this is a (very!) potent psychoactive
substance. Changes your perception of the world around you and
especially mucks around with your perception of time. Because it alters
the way you experience the cues that your senses are giving you, it
occasionally produces the 'parallel universe' type of experience
beloved of tabloid hacks. Acid can cause psychotic episodes. Because it
feeds on your mood and feelings, only ever trip with people you know.
Otherwise you can get caught in a mounting spiral of depression and
paranoia - the 'bad trip' - which can be very nasty indeed. Acid
dissolves in the fatty tissues of your body and hangs around,
occasionally leading to flashbacks - most embarrassing if your lecturer
suddenly turns into a six-hundred-pound green duck wearing Spandex
during a tutorial. Complete over-indulgence can lead to a permanently
altered state of perception, which can make crossing a road populated
with fast-moving doughnuts a touch hazardous. You may get sold blotting
paper with nothing on it instead. Acid is another Class A drug: 7 years
for supply, life for supply.

Psilocybin

The active ingredient in magic mushrooms. The effects of mushrooms are
very similar to acid. However, there are a number of very similar
looking fungi which are extraordinarily poisonous, so make sure you
know what you're picking. Legally, mushrooms are a grey area: they are
classified as a Class A drug if they are crushed, dried, boiled or
prepared in any way, but it is not illegal to pick and eat fresh
mushrooms.

Tranquillisers

Tranquillisers relax you and may make you go to sleep. Again, because
they slow down your brain, driving or operating machinery of any form
is a no-no. Prolonged usage can lead to mood swings, anxiety attacks,
paranoia and short- and long-term memory failure. Not recommended
during pregnancy or for people with breathing difficulties like
empysema or bronchitis, 'cos they can interrupt your breathing reflex.
Be very cautious about mixing tranquillisers with alcohol: coma and
death are a couple of the better-documented side effects.
Tranquillisers are generally Class C drugs, which means that unless
they have been legally prescribed it is illegal to produce, sell or
give them away. You can face up to 2 years for supplying.

Speed

Speed is a kind of chemical loan shark. It gives you an intense rush of
energy, leading to hyperactivity and the ability to talk really fast
for 18 hours non-stop. However, speed nicks that energy from where your
body was keeping it for later. Consequently, when you come down, you
feel as if you haven't slept for a month. The knee-jerk response is to
take more, but this is psychological: the evidence suggests that speed
isn't physically addictive. (Your body's got more sense.) Side effects
include psychosis, paranoid delusions, schizophrenia and unpredictable
violent episodes, impotence and constipation. Not nice. In its normal
form of white or pink tablets, speed carries a variable prison sentence
for possession or supply. Crush it up so that it becomes a powder that
can be snorted, which defines it as having been prepared for injection
and it becomes a Class A drug with 7 years for possession and life for
supply.

Cocaine

Called Bolivian Marching Powder, The Devil's Dandruff and a host of
other silly names, it makes you excited, confident, alert and broke.
Assuming you have enough money to support a habit, some of the fun
things you can look forward to are psychotic episodes, exhaustion,
intense paranoia and impotence. Snorting coke regularly also eats away
the nasal septum, giving you a constantly dribbling nose. You may well
be sold virtually any white powder in its place, including talcum
powder, baking powder, or speed. Cocaine is, unsurprisingly, a Class A
drug, leaving you facing up to 7 years for possession and life for
supply.

Heroin

The most notorious drug ever, until the advent of crack. A powder which
is smoked, snorted or injected, it is very addictive. Will very rapidly
lead you to a point where you don't give a damn about anything except
your next fix. Heroin itself does not injure your body, but the things
it is cut with almost certainly will. If you inject and share needles
you are looking at hepatitis, septicaemia and HIV. Decreases the rate
of respiration and leads to hypotension. Overdosing can cause coma and
death in fairly short order. You are likely to be sold almost anything
instead, but you won't give a damn 'cos you'll be trying to find the
cash for another fix - assuming you live through injecting whatever it
was you were sold. Heroin - no shock here - is a Class A drug. That's 7
years for possession, life for supply. Plus a thumping great
fine.

Crack

Fun stuff, this. Not. Combines the effects of coke with the
addictiveness of heroin. The effects (and side effects) of crack are
similar to those of cocaine, since it is derived from it: they're just
faster and more pronounced. Because it has only been around for a
comparatively short time, not an enormous amount is known about its
propensity for killing you. Once again, a Class A drug with 7 years for
possession and life for supply.