Flute has no bottom.

“So then, this is life. It's not quite what I expected" said the one I had decided to call Flute on account of his floaty, melodic voice.

"What exactly did you expect? I asked him.

"Something a lot less ..... colourful. I think that's the word you use for it."

"Is your own planet not colourful?"

"Everything is what you call dark green there".

"That's odd", I said trying to imagine a world of dark green, all algae and regulation knickers at a girls’ boarding school. 

"Anyway sit down and have a cup of tea", I told Flute.

"I can't" said he.

"Why?"

"I haven't got a bottom to sit oh", he explained.

I thought about that statement for a while and couldn't get my head round the notion of not having a bottom.

"What are bottoms like?" Flute asked me.

I sat in silence for another while, never having pondered the notion before. I didn't know how to begin answering Flute's enquiry. I had the required information and knew the function of a bottom, but …..

Flute filled the silence by asking, "Will you show me your bottom?" 

I made it clear that that would not be happening.

"What does it look like?" he persisted. 

"Well I've never really seen my own bottom", I told Flute as I sat on it on the other side of the table from him, firmly on my bottom, creating a buffer zone between us.

"Would you like to see it?" he asked me.

"Not particularly. Maybe if you watch more TV or go to the cinema you'll see a few bottoms there", I suggested, but Flute wasn't too keen on the idea.

"Why won't you just show me yours?" he asked again. "Is there something wrong with yours?"

"NO", I shouted defensively. "My bottom is perfectly normal".

"Then your bottom would be a good one for me to see if it's average", he said, obviously thinking that his logic had defeated my objections and I would have to oblige.

"I said normal, not average Flute. And no. We don't show each other our bottoms and that's the end of it", I said a bit crossly, hoping to close down the conversation.

"But people on TV show their bottoms you said" he replied looking genuinely confused.

"Why won't you show me your bottom? I've never seen a bottom”.

"Oh sit down Flute", I ordered, losing the little patience I had left. 

"But I don't have a bottom to sit on".