Letter #4

To the Fourth Cat Princess,

If there are words to describe you, then I would be willing to write thousands and thousands of pages it will require me to. There are simply nothing that could describe you exactly. This is because I loved you dearly, with all my heart and soul. I gave you my all to serve you and in the end you ditched me for the fifth time. Remember the times we spent together, dear princess? I spent more each day to serve and take care of you and yet you have never seen my worth. I have had enough of you. What good would I be when I am just trash to you?

Dear princess, even if I convey them, you would never understand my feelings for you.

You never liked me from the start and yet you still wanted to accept me. I thought that you have come to your senses and appreciated me for what I do. You gave me praises and encouragement that lifts me up, but at another moment you brought me down. You gave me comfort, protection and safety yet at another moment you've sworn that you never promised to protect me as my patron. Everything that you said contradicts itself. It is proven now. You promised that we'd stay together until the end, but you left me and acted as if I never existed. I was very happy to know that you cared. You even admitted it and declared "I used to hate this man, but now it is all over. She's my friend now and there's nothing left of that hate" to the public. I was happy that you finally accepted me despite my quirkiness... or was that a lie?

You were also in love with another bard, whom I think is not better than me. I'm better than him and I know so. I was jealous. Jealous that you gave him attention and not I. I want to be treated equally too, if you knew. You loved the other more than you loved me while we are not that different from each other. I can't accept that... and what would it take you to understand that I'm unable to accept it?

What makes you treat her with much love and attention and not I? I'm your friend too, aren't I? And you've spent time with me, had fun and many other things. Yet you wouldn't realize that I really gave my all to you. Even when you wanted me to be there and I can't go, you must have understood it, right? What is with this favoritism? I hated it. If we were just friends, then why didn't you establish it like so?

You treated my as if I was special if others were not around. But I figured that all that... was because you were also jealous of me. Jealous of my talent and my skills. Jealous of how I managed to live with such simplicity while you have nothing else. Your heart was not able to accept me, that was why you try to make me feel alone and despised by others.

You've also said that you've been through hell. What hell? I'd say that is some bullshit you uttered out of nothingness. Not that I don't trust you, but after all that treatment you gave me I really wonder how much fucking truth you dare speak to me. You may attract others by saying things that is more exciting than it actually is. However, is it not a lie that you tell? True as it may be, but is it necessary to make others suffer from that exaggerated fact?

Foolish princess indeed. You thought you knew what suffering meant, but no. You've never been out of your comfort zone; OF COURSE YOU DIDN'T KNOW! I have and I know how it felt. It's time that you learn. Have you ever thought how difficult life is when you get out of the castle? All you could do is command people to your heart's content; an abuse of authority.

and when I mentioned it to you, you blamed everything on me. Spreading rumors about me being a horrible bard, singing lies and untrue feelings for the people. Done specifically just for everyone to hate me. Wrong. You wouldn't know how many people also stayed away from you right? There are also people who stays on the neutral side and some also on mine. They're my friends... my TRUE friends.

Enough. I have wasted my time for someone unworthy. Foolish princess.

Warm regards,
Ruben