Diary 2

Hi, trust you are well. Not a bad week for me so far, the dog has found a new game pulling the washing off the line. Now if I can get her to wrap it up and bring it in that's a result, as long as she can darn the holes she's putting in everything.
Haven't heard from my wife in four months but got a high octane 'your a liar and a cheat' text last night so I guess she was enjoying her party.
Following my separation the female input in my life comes predominantly from my daughter. 'Oh my god dad don't tuck your shirt in' and 'its five pound for a taxi into town, five pound out, and thirty pound for pictures, popcorn and a few drinks'.
I also receive some input from my mother. 'Clear your plate or you'll get no pudding, don't pull faces because if the wind changes you'll stick like that'.
It's no wonder all the women I take to dinner seem to think 'He seems thoughtful with hidden depths'. In truth I'm wondering if I tucked my shirt in when I visited the rest room and will my mum find out if I leave my greens.
It took me six months from when my wife left to realise I attract the attention of women easily. This is not vanity, believe me I do not know what any female would see in me but I know they see something.
Having recently been invited in for coffee by the 27yr old instructor from the gym when I dropped her at home. It was only when she returned with the drink I noticed she had her dressing gown on. As she handed me the drink and the gown slipped to the floor to reveal underwear with more tassels than a maypole I panicked. Thank god the wind didn't change because the look of horror could have been etched for eternity..
All married men 30's, 40's, 50's thinking, 'your mental, a twenty seven year old blond vixen ready for the taking. Just do it' and believe me she is gorgeous, let me explain.
Two children five and six in their bedroom. The older child says 'think its time we started swearing, lets go down to breakfast and start'. They agreed got dressed and went down. Their mother asked the eldest what he wanted and he replied ' You know what mum I don't give a shit but give me cocoa pops'. Thwwwack the mother beats the crap out of him and turns to the youngest child 'What about you?' she asks. 'I don't know' he replies, 'but it won't be fucking cocoa pops!'
Your peers can tell you what you should do and you may unquestioningly believe it. You may actually do it and still not realise you have done anything wrong people may place the facts of your wrong doing in front of you and believe me you will blame the cocoa pops. When you take a step outside the box its then you realise just how funny it is and how stupid you've been. Believe me not tucking my shirt in will never make a 42 yr old 27.
So I made my excuses, got slapped across the face and left with a gun in my pocket but my newly found self esteem intact.
Its the work outing next week and you know I'm going to give online dating a go. Watch this space.