Bareback and Blue.

I don't know how,
or why it happened and,
to be honest,
I don't really care.
But yesterday,
I went to the fridge
and damn me,
the red Smeg was bare.
Now I know that they say
about men and their hearts,
but really
this just isn't on.
The amount of food
you must have consumed,
I'm aghast that you
don't weigh a ton.
You've waded your way
through a weeks worth of shopping,
all manner of things you have ate,
sausages, eggs, stilton and prawns,
tomatoes, mushrooms and cake.
So now as I sit here,
eating ryvita,
the dog snoring loud in the sun,
I wonder what he can have for his tea,
some fat bastard has scoffed
all his chum.