Gazump!

MR GAZUMP'S NEW HATS
Mr. Gazump had a bump on his head,
He covered it up with his cap,
It was tight, so he put on his trilby instead,
For people might laugh at the bump, which was red,
What a tragedy, what a mishap!

Mr. Gazump hoped the bump wouldn't grow,
But it did, and he had to take care,
He covered it so that it wasn't on show,
He bought a top hat, (they're quite tall as you know),
And a bump of that size is quite rare.

Mr. Gazump bought a ten gallon style,
To cover his five-gallon bump,
Ten gallons contained it, at least for a while,
And then it became such a hideous pile,
It was more of a hump or a lump.

Poor Mr. Gazump was almost in tears,
There were no bigger hats in the shop.
`I'll invest in a dustbin which covers my ears,
And to prove I still have some inventive ideas,
Shove a periscope out through the top.'

One day he felt ill at the front and the back,
He suffered a splitting head-ache,
He covered his lump with a giant ice pack,
And everything shook with a terrible crack,
And his cranium started to break.

Mr. Gazump had a pleasant surprise,
Which some might have thought a disgrace,
For out of the lump of inordinate size,
Hatched a little green dragon, with tears in her eyes,
And a dear little sad little face.

The ordeal was over, the head ache had passed
The dragon curled up in his lap.
The lump had diminished incredibly fast
And Mr. Gazump looked quite normal at last,
So he went out and bought a new cap.