Community Service

Meet 26 year old Ted. He's tall and gangly, deep-voiced and loud
mannered, and he lives in Alaska, where you sometimes really have to
kick up your heels to find enough to do. A hard time can hold just as
much adventure as a good time; for Ted it was a matter of
perspective.

He and his wife, Joselyn, have three kids; not that Ted ever wanted to
have three kids, but sometimes things just happened like that. They
often fought, but she was meaner than he, so it never lasted long and
was never violent. One particular day it started in the morning, over
her scratching his car the night before, when she was drunk. It was one
of their louder fights and they knew their loud, cursing voices could
be heard all over the trailer court.

Joselyn piled the kids into her little white mazda and left the house,
screeching her tires out of the trailer park's drive. Ted had to go to
work, but he knew he was too angry to drive his cherried-out orange
Mustang Mach II. It was his masterpiece in restoration and he loved it
about as much as he loved Joselyn, so he decided to walk to work that
day.

The morning was crisp and the breeze was so cold it ate right through
his layers of clothing. Early risers passed him as he shivered his way
down the highway, and he hoped someone would stop and give him a ride.
Only one car did stop; it pulled up behind him, with red and blue
flashing lights. Hopes of getting a ride to work shriveled like his
cold 'guys', as he called them, though he suspected the officer in the
car would want to give him a ride somewhere else. Officers always did,
when it came to Ted, and this day would be no different. But, this time
it spurred Ted to do something he'd never done before, and he began
this journal

"November 11, 1999.
I'm beginning this journal so I can have a written record of what goes
on in my life. I've smoked too much pot to be able to remember
everything, and apparently I need help. Not from my wife's memory,
though! I can't believe what happened to me! Last Friday I was walking
to work after we had a fight and a cop arrested me. Fucked up my whole
weekend! I should have just drove the Mustang and they never would have
caught me. She didn't call the cop, the neighbor bitch did. Fucken
nosey old battle-axe of a neighbor! She's always messing in our
business. I got arrested for yelling at my wife, I still can't believe
it! Just got out of jail, and court is on Wednesday. I didn't touch
her, but the cop had to arrest me until he found Jess at work and got
her side of the story. She was still mad at me, so she let it fly and
even told them about me being stoned in the morning, so they kept me
all god-damned day and night! Bitch. Good thing she was so nice when I
got home, or I'd have had to kick her ass! If they're gonna put me in
jail, I might as well deserve it. I didn't know that yelling is called
'verbal abuse'! When did they start that? They won't even let Jess drop
the charges. Good thing she's going to court with me. She knows I'd
never hit her."

"November 13, 1999.
Man, today I lost my job! I can't believe it! I got fired because I
went to jail instead of to work! I should have used my phone call to
call Bill, but he might have just fired me right then, too. He's pretty
mad at me, this time. How's that going to look when I go to court? I
was counting on that damned job. Better find another one, but not until
later. James and I are going 4-wheeling first."

"November 15, 1999.
Court was a real drag, man! I have to do community service to teach me
a lesson for verbally abusing my wife! I can't believe it! I'm not
doing it, fuck 'em! A man has a right to yell at his wife; especially
if she keys your car's new paint job! What did they expect me to do? I
got 20 hours. Shit. Oh well, I'll smoke a big fatty of killer bud, and
pick up trash or something. It might not be that bad. They gave me 3
weeks to do my time."

"November 18, 1999.
I'm probably gonna get in trouble, now. That asshole John called and
bragged about stealing Old Man Vaughn's cash stash. I like Old Man
Vaughn ~ he's the one who taught me to paint cars and he's a really
cool old dude. He lets me use his tools and shop for free. John ripped
off his whole life savings! Man! I got so pissed, so when we were at
the party last night, I made sure he got good and fucked up. Idiot,
didn't even stop to think I mighta put something in the Jack Daniels!
He knows I don't like him, and he drank it anyway. Serves him right. I
might not have got so pissed if he hadn't bought that nice van and then
bragged about it being free! So this morning while he was sleeping it
off, me and James pushed it into the ocean. It was so perfect! We
didn't even have to get in! I opened the door and put it in neutral,
and we just pushed it down the drive, across the highway and off the
cliff! It was quick and fun, and then we broke all the windows. James
wanted the seats for his van, but I said no. That could be traced if
anyone ever recognized 'em. We're takin' my truck up Whipple Creek
later."

"November 19, 1999.
My right arm is sore from yesterday, man. We started to take my truck
up Whipple, but we stopped at the gravel pit first. We found a Kevlar
vest hanging on the metal frame of a shot-up chair, man! We couldn't
believe it! Stupid cops musta been up there practicing, and one of them
left it behind! We got Jeff and Hooch and we all got our gun
collections. Man, there was only four of us and we had about 30 pieces!
We coulda got in big trouble, but lucky nobody called the cops. We shot
the vest with AK27's M-16's, my 30.06 and Hooch's 270. We shot it with
everything we had just about, and nothing put a hole in it! We took a
smoke break and while Hooch was fillin' the bowl, I took out my .223
just for shits 'n giggles. I shot it about 30 times. When we left,
James wanted to keep it since there was no holes in it, and when he
picked it up ~ it had holes all over it! A .223 will shoot right
through Kevlar! Cops came this morning and asked me a bunch of
questions about John's van. Cracks me up ~ he knows I did it, but he
can't prove it. Maybe he'll think twice before he rips off my friends
again."

"December 19, 1999
I haven't written for a while because I just got out of FUCKIN' JAIL! I
didn't do my community service, so they hauled my ass in! Now I got 40
hours and a month to do it. I checked at the Salvation Army and the
Thrift Store ~ you know they'll only let me sit behind the cash
register or pass out food to the needy between 2 and 4, and only 3 days
a week! Only the guys IN jail pick up trash along the highway. Fuckers,
they get their laundry done and they get the cool jobs. How am I gonna
get this done in time? Oh well, James picked me up from jail and we're
getting drunk tonight."

"December 21, 1999
Man, ever since got out of jail, Joselyn keeps naggin' at me to get my
hair and beard cut. She thinks it'll help me get work, but what does
she think, we're in some big city? Everyone has long hair and a beard
here. Bad enough I'm doing time 'cause I yelled at her, now she wants
to make me 'clean cut'. The only thing I like clean cut is my coke, and
she don't put up with that in the house. And we had to get presents for
the kids today, what a hassle! The only one big enough to notice
Christmas is Lottie, and that's only 'cause she goes to school now. The
other two would never miss it, but we had to get them all presents.
Being out of work at Christmas sucks, I mean how am I gonna afford Jack
Daniels for Christmas Day? The charity people gave us some good
presents, though."

"December 26, 1999
Christmas was alright, we ate good. The kids liked their stuff, but the
two youngest ones liked the packaging better I think. Joselyn's mom
sent us a box and I got a new stocking hat. She even got me a black
one, finally a good score from that woman. I got Joselyn a new
carburetor for her little beater, and she's mad. She needs a new carb,
what's up her ass? Maybe 'cause it's hot. Bitch hasn't talked to me for
2 days, and forget about sex."

"December 31, 1999
I have to write now 'cause I won't be able to later. We're gonna go out
with James and Elaine, we got two cases of beer and a bottle of Jack.
PARTY! James is bringin' a nickel sack too, but the girls don't know
it. Josie's drinkin', so I'm gonna get laid tonight. A guy's gotta have
his fun. We're gonna build a fire at the lake, and I'd better get the
winch on the Bronco."

"January 3, 2000
Man, that was a bad hangover. Just feeling better today. I don't think
I'm gonna drink again, unless I eat first. Josie shoulda made dinner
first, but what am I gonna do? Yell at her? That reminds me, I'd better
go find some community service to do tomorrow. After me and James get
back from 4-wheeling. I still haven't made it up to Whipple Creek
yet."

"January 4, 2000
Me and James took the truck to Whipple Creek. Asshole bet me I couldn't
get my truck up it. He thinks his rig is bad-ass just 'cause he drove
over a rock the size of a washing machine, and he says NO rig can make
it up the creek. I showed him! I not only made it up, I scared the shit
outta the guys on top! I thought they wanted to fight me 'cause I
sprayed 'em with mud when I came over, but hell I couldn't even see 'em
until my nose came back down! I couldn't just stay on the edge, I had
to go past 'em. The big guy came up to the truck and I got my crowbar
out, but he wasn't mad. They said no rig has ever been up the creek
before. I KICKED ASS! Then just to rub it in to Jame's face, on the way
down I saw a rock as big as a car. It was even shaped like a car,
kinda. So I drove over it ~ I KICKED ASS AGAIN! Shoulda bet the
mother-fucker some cash. Gotta get new U-joints."

"January 10, 2000
Still no work. Oh yeah, I have community service to do, too. I just
feel bad today 'cause James fell out of my truck. He's in the hospital,
man. We tried to take my truck up Whipple again, but I got up on 2
wheels and James fell out. Man, fucked up my door pretty good, too,
asshole. I shouldn't have to tell him to buckle his seat belts when we
go 4 wheelin'."

"January 14, 2000
Man, I gotta get my community service done. There's nothing that will
let me do it and get over it; it's all weekends or just a few hours a
week. Gotta call my lawyer today, I'll never get it done before court
next week. Been kinda boring around here since James is laid up. Baby's
sick, Josie's takin' him to the doctor today."

"January 20, 2000
Got picked up for having a tail light out on the Bronco, and dick-heads
took me to jail again! Man, this is startin' to really piss me off! Why
can't they get it ~ I only yelled at her! I don't see why I have to do
this. I've been in jail longer than my community service already just
from getting arrested for not doing it! Shit! Josie's really mad at me
this time. Someone in jail told me I could get on at the dump for 40
hours a week. Maybe I should check that out. Now I got 80 hours and 6
weeks to do it in, or I go to jail."

"January 22, 2000
I'm doing time at the dump! Went down there to sign up for community
service, and I'll get my 80 hours done in two weeks time! Started
today, sweeping up and sorting recyclables. Feels kinda good to be
workin' again, even if it is community service at the dump. Real tired,
gonna have a few beers and go to bed."

"January 24, 2000
Man, today I almost pissed my pants! I was sweeping out the shed at the
dump and I opened the big doors since it was so nice out. I'm standing
there sweeping and two cop cars come charging up to the doors and
screech their tires a little. Show-off pigs. They got out of their cars
and they each had a white box in their hands. They both looked straight
at me, man! I thought oh shit, here it comes, I'm going in again! They
both slammed their car doors without changing where they were lookin'
and then they started walking over to me. I looked around and saw an
easy escape route. First I'd use the broom handle to punch 'em good and
knock him into the other one, and then I'd jump down in the bay and run
out the other side. I glanced back at them, and they were coming
straight for me still, looking right at me. I pretended to mind my own
business and kept sweepin', and I figured, if they get close enough to
jump me, I'm down in the bay and outta here. They kept coming, closer
and closer, and then just when I was ready to jump, one of them pigs
smiled at me and they took a sharp left! Assholes, they probably
thought it was real funny, too. They went over to the incinerator and I
watched them take out bags and bags of coke and weed, and throw it in
the incinerator! Man, what a waste! I wonder who got busted? I wonder
why they didn't sell the drugs, that's what cops always do with stuff
they confiscate. They wouldn't even let me watch it burn up through the
little glass window, man! They stood guard, like I was gonna reach in
the incinerator. No, I'm not a cop ~ I have brains! Asshole pigs. Alot
of stuff you wouldn't think of goes on at the dump. And man, do they
rake in the bucks!"

"January 25, 2000
Almost got in a fight today at the dump. Asshole thought he could tell
me what to do, and he ain't my boss. I ain't doin' the shit he don't
want to do just because he's been there longer. Made the boss real mad,
he told me to shove off, but I think it was so he could talk to
asshole. I don't care, I got half a day off out of it. Man, people
throw away the coolest shit. One guy pulled up in his brand-new truck
and he had on $80 jeans and a sweater that musta cost him 2 bills. He
asked me if I'd unload his trash because he didn't want to touch it!
Man, I could refurnish our house with the nice stuff he threw away! I
asked him why he was tossin' it all, and he said 'cause he got new
stuff. Blows my mind! I took out what I wanted and put it in my Bronco,
and then I threw out his stuff. There's people there making a living
off what they find there, man! They go through the trash, find good
stuff that rich people throw away, and then they sell it on ebay!
Who'da thunk it? Man, they take in alot of cash at the dump. These
idiots pay $40 and up to unload their shit, and alot of it could be
burned. There's always a car at the shack and sometimes there's even a
line of cars waiting to get in. I want some of that! Wouldn't it be
funny if the dump got robbed? Asshole said the cops burn drugs every
Wednesday, if they have 'em. I want some of that, too."

"January 26, 2000
Asshole sparked a bowl with me at lunch today! Man, I didn't know if I
should smoke with him or not after yesterday, but he said it was a
peace pipe, so I did. Good weed, too. Josie's mad 'cause she thinks I
stole the desk and stuff I brought 'er yesterday. Bitch. Gotta work the
fuckin' weekend. Getting drunk tonight anyway. Fuckin' community
service!"

"January 27, 2000
Man, I hate workin' weekends! They didn't tell me I'd be workin'
weekends, or I'd have told them to fuck right off! Fuckin' community
service! Asshole started another fight with me today. Dick-head, what
does he think? I ain't there to be his slave. I don't get paid, so I
ain't takin' no shit offa nobody! Saturdays are real busy, I didn't
even have time to go through the shit and find good stuff. I bet 100
cars came through just while I was there! That's 4 grand in one day. I
could use that money! Fuckin' community service."

"January 29, 2000
I can't believe my life! They kicked me out of community service at the
dump! Asshole wasn't running the backhoe right, he's a total idiot!
When he was at lunch I got in and started shovin' that shit the right
way and he got really pissed. Jumped in the cage with me and tried to
wrestle me out. Stupid fucker wasn't watchin' it, and the backhoe
rolled off the pile. Nobody got hurt, but then asshole narc'd on me for
smokin' pot at lunch! He's gonna die! They kicked ME out, and not him!
They don't even believe me that he was the one with the bowl! That
don't settle easy with me. At least I still have some time to finish my
community service. Fuckin' community service. Asshole better not forget
my face, 'cause I'll see him again! Josie's really pissed this time.
She might leave me. Going out to get drunk with James."

"January 30, 2000
I didn't even notice when I got home last night, Josie's gone. Kids
too. She left me a note that says she can't take it anymore. Fuckin'
community service! If she didn't scratch my car none of this woulda
happened. Today James and I are gonna look for asshole when he gets off
work. He's gonna die today."

"February 1, 2000
Man, asshole kicked my ass and James just watched! I lost a couple
teeth and it hurts bad. Lost my teeth, lost my wife, lost my job, and
lost my friend. James ain't no friend if he's gonna watch someone kick
my ass! I shoulda kicked his ass too, but I'm too sore. Got me a bottle
of Jack and I'm gonna sit here on the couch and drink it. Fuck
community service!"

"February 3, 2000
It's Saturday and the dump is gonna be busy. I'm gonna get me some
money. Me and Hooch are gonna show up just after it closes. They can't
go to the bank until Monday. It'll be dark by then too. Fuck that
community service! Then I'm leaving this sorry-ass hick town!"

******************

"February 5, 2000
Well I got my community service straightened out. I get to do the trash
pick up on the highway. Had to trade 2 packs of my smokes for a
notebook to write in, and then give up my watch for a pen I gotta
return to the dick-head. Fucking assholes! At least I have time to
write now. I got alot of time for stupid shit like this now. They
wouldn't let me out on recog this time. I gotta do my 30 days for
yelling at my wife, plus whatever the judge gives me next week. Me and
Hooch went to the dump after it closed and we broke into the shack.
They don't keep the cash there all night, so we wrecked the shack and
went to get some stuff to bring back. Josie left everything in the
house, but I didn't wanna leave empty-handed, not after what those
assholes did to me! Maybe I coulda found her something real nice. I
miss Josie. I wonder if she'll come and see me? Anyway, I guess the
dump has motion sensors for the bears. Started doing that when they
capped the food trash and started sending it by barge down south. They
want the bears to find their food somewhere else, and I got caught.
Fuckin' bears! Scared the hell out of me and Hooch when the cops came.
I guess asshole came up when the sensors went off and he saw us and
called the cops. Fuckin' asshole! When I get outta here, he's gonna
die! Cops snuck up there, too. We didn't even hear 'em coming. They
came in herds and we shoulda brought our pieces with us, but we left
'em in the Bronco. They took the Bronco too. Fuckin' community service!
Got my free work, got my Bronco, and my best assault rifle. Who cares
what Hooch lost. Asshole didn't help, he confessed right there in the
dump! Boohoo, big fuckin' baby! I kicked the cop in the crotch and ran.
The hand cuffs made it kinda hard to climb up to the bay shed roof, but
I did it. Man, those assholes couldn't find me and they brought in the
dogs. The dogs couldn't find me either. Stupid dogs. I waited until I
couldn't hear any noise and thought they all left, and when I peeked
over the edge to see, there was two cops and a dog down there, and the
fuckin' dog saw me and started barkin'. I went to the other side and
jumped down, and there was a cop car, motor runnin', door left wide
open ~ it was too perfect! I hopped in and took off. Almost made it
too, but the fuckin' hand cuffs caught on the turn signal when I was
spinnin' out on a corner, and I crashed into the other cop's car and
they got me. Well, gotta run. I gotta do fuckin' community service
today. Might as well get it done. Fuckin' community service!"

"February 7, 2000
This place sucks, man. I fuckin' hate it here! The guards all pretend
to be your fuckin' friend, so do the workers, but then they pretty much
gotta. Won't last long if they don't. It takes a long time to figure
out who you can trust and who you can't. We picked up trash along the
coast highway today and Josie went by. I sure do miss her. She'll get
mad if I call collect. Maybe I'll write her."

"February 9, 2000
I was too tired to write last night, I worked hard. Keep my fuckin'
mouth shut and work, is all I gotta do when we're out there. Asshole
crew boss is just a pig like us, but he's 'trusted', and he don't
fuckin' like me. Bad enough they make ya look like a target in those
fuckin' orange jumpsuits, then they got a monkey out there yankin' your
chain, too. Can't get in a fight, I got fuckin' court tomorrow. Today
I'm goin' to the library, gonna email Josie. Gotta go to work
first."

"This place is a fuckin' soap opera! Two cells down they had a lover's
quarrel and they got separated, a snitch in the can got his teeth
kicked in, and Asshole crew boss pretends to be a 15 year old girl on
the internet chat rooms! He left me alone today at work, but I had to
wait for him to get off the computer in the library. He took too long,
man, I couldn't wait all day. I saw what he was doing and he got
pissed. Told me to keep my mouth shut, and I'm gonna. Sure is funny,
tho'. I hope Josie checks her email tonight."

"February 10, 2000
Asshole really pissed me off at work today! Fucker better watch it, or
he's gonna get a surprise. I want outta here, man. This really sucks.
Court sucked. Josie didn't come. Judge gave me 60 more days, so I got
90 all up, but my lawyer says I'll be out in a month. I hope he's
right. Ran outta smokes so I'm a cranky fuck. Gonna email Josie
again."

"February 14, 2000
Man, you'd think I asked 'em to slip me a fuckin' file or somethin'!
All I wanted was my notebook, but they gotta make such a big fuckin'
stinkin' hairy deal out of it. My cell mate got it for me. Too bad he
didn't get me a smoke, too. Asshole's buddies had a go at me in the
can, and now I'm in the infirmary. It may not be today, maybe not
tomorrow, but that fucker's gonna know me intimately before I'm outta
here! Broke 3 ribs and my nose, and I got lips the size of hotdogs,
man. My head is all bumped up, they say I got a concussion. I'm gettin'
my hair cut, man. Don't leave 'em nothin' to grab and hold me by. I
told the guards I didn't see who it was, and they don't believe me.
Hell, maybe I just don't remember after having my fuckin' head bashed
in. But I know who it was. I wish I had a smoke. And my Josie. She
always took good care of me."

"February 15, 2000
Getting out of the infirmary today! I don't know why it makes me so
damned happy, but it does. At least I'll get to leave this fuckin'
room. I wonder if Asshole's done with me, or if I'm gonna have to watch
my back more. I got somethin' in mind for him. GOD I WANT A
CIGARETTE!!"

"First thing I did when I got out of the infirmary was go to the
library and log on to the internet. Asshole's password was easy to
guess! It's pitboss! What a fuckin' stupid idiot! I wanted to copy the
history from the chat room, but I couldn't find it. I found something
much better, instead! Emailed love letters from the teenage boy that's
in love with Asshole! I love it!! Fucker's gonna be sorry he fucked
with me! I made copies of 'em and passed 'em out all over the place!
Everyone's hootin' and hollerin', and when he gets back, he's gonna
shit! I love it! Man, I wish I had a smoke!"

"February 20, 2000
At least it wasn't so hard to get my notebook this time. They said I
was out for 4 days, nearly died. Musta been a good one, 'cause this
time I got a real hospital room! My own TV, no assholes around me
coughin' up shit. My head hurts, man. Real bad, this time. I wonder if
Josie'll come and see me. They took out the phone or I'd call 'er. I
miss 'er real bad. Man, I can hardly stay awake."

"February 21, 2000
Asshole's down the hall here, too. Man, I don't remember much of
anything, but I put him down, so I musta done alright! 'Guess he didn't
like his love letters bein' read by everyone else. Serves him right,
butt-fucker! I can tell, we ain't done yet. Man, this stuff in my IV
keeps me real sleepy."

"February 22, 2000
They let Josie in to see me last night. Man, I miss her! Why did I have
to fuck up? She says Ronnie is sayin' dada now. Sure, do it when I'm
gone, little shit. Ronnie's my favorite one, the other two I didn't
even want, but they're ok. Brought me a carton of smokes, a bic lighter
and a new toothbrush. She doesn't know if she wants me back when I get
out. Said it would have been different if I'da just come here and done
my time and got out, but I've been in a little trouble. Stupid fuckin'
asshole! He's gonna get it when I'm well!"

"February 23, 2000
I got interrogated today; they gotta get the fight all straightened out
before we can go back to jail. I told 'em I didn't see it happen to me,
and they said that's what asshole says too, so I don't know. I aint
talkin', I'll tell ya that. It's one thing to fight, but to be a snitch
is death in jail. I hope they give me pain pills to take with me,
'cause I still hurt pretty bad. "

"February 26, 2000

I got mail today! I was all happy, hopin' it was from Josie, but it's
from the judge. He says Josie wrote him and said she was afraid I'd
meet my old buds in here. Now I gotta go to church on Sunday. I'm
willing to do it for my Josie! I can't wait to see her again! Judge is
gonna let her pick me up at 8 a.m. on Sunday and I gotta be back by 6.
Church don't last that long ~ Cool! Maybe she'll go out to the trailer
with me for a little while. They won't let me pick up trash on the
highway no more. Fuck that community service anyway, never caused me
nothing but trouble! Got out of the hospital at noon and someone stole
my fuckin' blanket."

"February 27th, 2000
Man, this place really sucks! I'm so fuckin' bored! I almost wanna get
into a fight for something to do, but I'm too sore still! Gotta stay in
my cell 'cause I looked up at the fuckin' windows in the TV room. What
a stupid fuckin' rule! If you look up at the windows, it's the same as
fuckin' off. I wonder what they don't want us to see up there, and if
they don't want us to see it, why do they do it in front of a fuckin'
window? First time you gotta stay in your cell, second time you get
solitary. Five more days till I see Josie, I can't wait."

"March 1, 2000
Last night I was havin' this wet dream about two lady cops friskin' me
when something woke me up. Some asshole was trying to take my pillow! I
woke up and hit him, and then I found out it was Dave! No wonder Josie
wrote to the judge. She never did like Dave, and he said he saw her
before he went to court. He says she's real mad at me. I haven't seen
him for quite a while. He's here because he didn't pay a fine for
having a campfire in a restricted place. Dumbshit reason to land in
jail! I'm glad to have his company, tho'."

"March 3, 2000
Got a different community service job yesterday. Now I'm painting the
yellow lines on the streets and curbs. I hate this fuckin' place, man!
Tomorrow I'm leaving. The crew boss on this job ain't shit, and he
don't even keep an eye on us. I'm takin' my notebook and my smokes to
work and I aint' comin' back! Fuck this place! Fuck community service!
Only thing that made it easy to get through was havin' Dave there. He's
goin' with me."

"March 5, 2000
Got away too easy yesterday. Went to the trailer, but Josie won't talk
to me. Said she's gonna turn my ass in. Bitch! To think I couldn't wait
to see her! I wonder who she's fuckin' now? We robbed the Mini-Mart and
hopped the ferry out of town. I ain't stayin' there any more. Got no
Josie, so I got nothin' there. We're stayin' at Dave's friend's place.
Man, this girl is a real coke whore! She'll do anything for a line! Got
laid the first night here! She ain't no Josie, but I wouldn't turn her
down.

Me and Dave hopped into a limo downtown and Dave pretended like he had
a gun. We had that asshole drive us all over town before we ditched
'im. Then we met these two girls and they had good drugs and a car.
They were real nice, and took us to a party at their friend's place.
The part was a dud, but they had lots of drugs and we stayed until they
were all gone. Then those two bitches started treating us like dirt, so
Dave asked them to just take us home. I didn't know where he meant, but
they made us sit in the back seat together, and he told me his plan. He
picked out a house and said to drop us there. When the girls let us out
of the back seat, we grabbed their arms and tore 'em out of the car!
Then we hopped in the front seat and took off! It was so funny, those
two bitches just stood in the street with their hands on their hips and
their mouths open! I wonder what we'll do tomorrow. I wonder who
Josie's fuckin' tonight. Bet she didn't go to church."

"March 7, 2000
I can't believe our rotten luck, man. We went to a party last night and
we got so high! I've never been so high that I just wanted to come down
like that. Some asshole traded us some muscle relaxers for the rest of
our coke, and me and Dave took the pills. About three hours later the
party died and everyone left, including Dave. After everyone left, I
started getting pains in my side, then in my neck. Then my head started
turning to the left and I couldn't move it back, like my muscles were
straining to turn my head all the way around! Then my body started to
twist and it scared me bad, man, I didn't know what was going on! Dave
came back in and I told him I thought I was OD'in or something, but he
took the same pills and he seemed fine. We took about 8 of them. He
took me to the ER and I had to try and look through a book-ful of pill
pictures to find the ones I took. When I found it, the doc said it was
a muscle relaxer for people with spastic problems, and anyone else who
takes it gets the opposite effect. Fuckin' dope-head that gave it to
me! He probably knew! Anyway the doc gave me a shot and my muscles
relaxed, but when me and Dave was driving back to the house, he started
twisting up! I had to take him in, and the same doc gave him a shot,
too. Then, when we got back to the house after that, I started twisting
up again! Fuckin' shot wore off, man! I was just gonna wait out the
pills, but it hurt so much I thought I was gonna die! Dave had to take
me back into ER again, and the same doc gave me another shot. He acted
like it was funny at first, but he wasn't very nice the last time.
Asshole! I ain't takin' no more pills unless I know what they are, from
now on! Those fuckin' druggies coulda killed me! The worst part was,
after all that I was so fucked up on the shots, that when the coke
whores and Dave came in to have a four-some, I was crashed like a
truck! Damn! They fucked on the bed right beside me, and I woke up in
bed with all of 'em! Dave said it was the best time he's ever had.
Fuckin' drugs!"

"March 8, 2000
I'm startin' to think I shoulda stayed in jail. I'm hungry, man!
Assholes in this house never have any fuckin' food in the cupboards. A
girl should do the shopping! Bitch, just wants another line. My stomach
hurts bad. maybe all the different drugs I took yesterday."

"March 12, 2000
Me and Dave went camping with some of the guys around here. It mighta
been fun, but everything went wrong. First we got a flat and didn't
have a spare, so we had to wait in some hole-in-the-wall town to get it
fixed. We lost our cola, and that made this one guy really pissed! I
thought he was gonna wreck the car with his fists! Fucker. Then when we
were almost to the camp site, he hit a big rock on the road, not
watching where he was going! What an asshole! Good thing it isn't my
car. Man, I wish I had my Bronco! I hate getting rides from all these
jerks. They never wanna go where I want to. When I was fishing, the
cops came to the camp site. I guess we weren't supposed to camp there
at night ~ good thing the cop never saw the fish I brought up, or asked
for my ID. Stupid pig! He found our pipes but not our weed, and Dave
told him we smoked it all, already. Then I came back from fishing and
at first I didn't see the cops, coming up from the woods like I did.
The cop was telling everyone why we couldn't camp there, and I walked
over to put the pole and tackle in the back of the truck, and picked up
my coat. Out falls the weed. Some asshole idiot hid it under my coat!
The cop picked it up and I said, what's that? Stupid pig, he dumped it
on the dirt and ground it in with his foot. Then he said if we pay the
fine for camping on restricted land, he'll forget about the pipes and
weed. We didn't have no money, so he just gave us a ticket for camping.
The weed was already gone, not much he could do to prove we had any.
Fuckin' pigs. He never found the Jack Daniels either, so at least we
got drunk on the way home. Then it was like a stroke of luck ~ when we
got back to the house I pulled out his phone book so he could look for
more cola, and our big rock fell out! It wasn't lost, we just forgot
it! Sure made our day end better."

"March 13, 2000
Shit, the cops came over here today! They were lookin' for some
asshole, but not for me and Dave. We went out the back door anyway, we
didn't know. Better to be safe than sorry. Man, I miss my Josie. I want
to go back and see her again. Maybe she'll let me talk to her now.
Fuckin' bitch, sure is independant. I hope she's not fuckin' somebody
else yet."

"March 14, 2000
Man, today I'm staying inside this house. I'm tired and the fuckin'
heat is on us. Gotta find another place to stay, these coke whores are
gonna get us busted! Josie won't forgive me if I get busted for drugs
again. Almost got me busted by my own fuckin' self, yesterday. I was
coming out of the store after stealing some smokes and there was this
real nice bike ~ with the key in it! Right in front of the fuckin'
door, man! I hopped on and took off, I guess it was the guy at the pay
phone who owned it. He started running after me, almost got me too,
then he ran back to the phone. I pulled out onto the street and there
musta been a pig with ESP, 'cause as soon as he saw me, he turned
around and came after me. I turned down one street, then another, and I
coulda out ran him easy, but it was all snowy out and I didn't want to
dump the fuckin' bike trying to get away. Then I went around the block,
and so did the pig, so I went around it again, and so did the pig! I
went around it again, and I just started laughing 'cause the pig did it
again! I laughed so hard I almost dumped it then, too! I went around
the same block about 7 times! Asshole pig! Then I turned left instead
of right, and turned on the gas. I went around a bunch of corners, and
the pig was always about a block behind me. I got tired of the chase,
and when I saw a house with the garage door open, I just drove right in
and shut the door. I watched the cop go by, then I just walked back
here. What an idiot that pig was!

I'm going to see if Dave wants to bag this town. We can rob a store or
something and get some bucks to go. I'm tired of not having a car,
tired of being hungry, tired of being broke, and I can't work 'cause
I'll get caught. I'm even gettin' kind of tired of drinkin'! And, I
miss Josie real bad. I want to go see her. I wonder if she'll turn me
in."

"March 17, 2000
We went to these guys' house a couple of days ago. They are crazy
fucks, man! I'm not stayin' here another night, too risky! Yesterday
they took us down by the river to get drunk. It was cold out so we
built a big fuckin' fire, it was nice. Then these guys came down there
in a beat up toyota and started spinnin' their tires. They sprayed
fuckin' gravel all over the one guy's nice paint job, and he got
pissed! Him and two other guys ran to the edge of the road and hid in
the bushes, and when the toyota got near them, they jumped out and
dumped two huge rocks on the windshield! It was fuckin' funny! One of
the rocks just rolled off and stayed on the hood, and the other one
stopped for a second when it hit the glass, then went right through it!
Shattered that fucker into a million pieces all over the assholes
inside. Everyone started laughing and then they stepped on it, and just
when they got on the bridge, his tranny gave out. But the funniest part
of that was, they got out and started walking across the bridge, and
then they started fighting between each other! Throwin' punches and
yelling at each other. Man, it was funny! We all laughed out loud and
cheered 'em on. They took off runnin' when they realized we all could
see 'em! God, I laughed my ass off!

But these guys are nuts, man. One guy, Hal, doesn't EVER take off his
hat. When we came over the first time, it was almost midnight and he
was sleepin'. He answered the door in nothing but his hat! Then he took
a bath, and I'm just sure he kept that hat on! This guy has athlete's
foot so bad, when he put his feet on the table, they had like, holes
and colors on the bottoms. Fuckin' gross! His teeth look about the
same! It's St. Patrick's Day, so today he wore a green hat.

Then, yesterday after we got back from the river, there was this girl
here. She was tellin' us about these guys that were buggin' her alot,
and it made this guy named Bill really mad. He got up and got in his
van and took off, and then everyone else got in their rigs too. The guy
who lives here grabbed his pistol before he followed 'em. There was
about ten of them, and me and Dave rode with Hal in his truck. We went
to this guy's house, and I guess it was his dad outside when we got
there. Bill got out and told him he wanted to talk to the guy's kid,
and the old man said no. His wife and two teenage fuckers came out on
the porch and started yelling, and the old man told them to shut up and
go back in the house. He kept looking at Hal's pistol real worried
like, and studderin' his ass off. Bill told him to tell his kid to
leave Sherrie alone, or he'd be takin' care of the kid himself. The old
man just kept saying okay, and Bill told him, if his kid sees Sherrie
in a store, he'd better take another aisle, and if Sherrie tells him
any different, then the old man would be responsible for what happened
next. The old man just kept saying okay, holding his hands up, and we
all left. I'll bet he was pretty intimidated with ten of us standing
around waiting to jump in if we had to! Then we made alot of noise
leaving, spinning our tires, and Jeff's hog is real loud, too. I think
the neighbors were watching us. Then we came back and Sherrie made us
some food. Finally, a meal cooked by a woman! It was good, too. Chicken
and baked taters and a salad. I love salad. Josie's salad. Sherrie
reminds me of Josie in a way, she's got pretty hair and soft lookin'
lips. This guy has a fridge turned into a keg cooler in his living
room! Cool man, we got drunk. I got one of Hal's pieces and put it in
my pack, and even Dave don't know it."

"March 18, 2000
Dave's gonna go with me to rip off the fuckin' liquor store tomorrow.
We need money, and I'm outta this fuckin' town! I wanna call Josie so
bad! Maybe just to tell her I love her. Maybe just to tell her I'm
comin' home."

"March 19, 2000
Fuckin' asshole kicked my ass but good, last night. Tried tellin' me
that Josie's shacked up with someone else by now, and he don't even
fuckin' know her! What does he know? He said all women are sluts when
it comes down to it, and he might be right after what I've seen in this
town. But shit, he don't know my Josie. Got another tooth kicked out.
He kept kicking me and kicking me when I was down. Fucker don't fight
fair. He's fuckin' lucky I didn't bring out that piece I got. Gotta
leave tomorrow. I hope I heal a little before Josie sees me. God, I
miss her. I'm horny, too."

"March 20, 2000
I'm on the ferry, going home. Fuck, the weather's bad! I called Josie
from the liquor store we robbed. Man, it was nice talkin' to her again.
Assholes, they can have the long distance bill! If they didn't want it,
they shoulda had the phone restricted! Idiots! The shit-head at the
cash register started to cry, man! What a big fuckin' baby! He was
shakin', I thought he was gonna piss his pants! I was laughin' at him,
he probably thought I was a crazy son of a bitch! Dave kicked him
around pretty good before we left. Gave him somethin' to cry about, and
didn't want him runnin' to the phone just yet. I ripped out the one in
the store. I can't wait to see Josie again. I kinda miss the kids,
even. When I called she sounded kinda mad still, but she didn't tell me
not to come. In fact, she said if I go anywhere, come home. Sounds so
nice, I can't wait to sleep in my bed again. Oughta be pullin' in there
in about 6 hours. Better get some sleep now, 'cause Daddy's gonna be
busy when he gets home!"

"March 21, 2000
Fuckin' bitch musta called the cops. Three cars were waitin' for me
when we got to the ferry terminal. I saw 'em from the deck and almost
pissed myself! I thought about stowin' away but the steward said it
wasn't leavin' again for 14 hours. Josie would give up on me, if I did
that. So I thought, maybe they aren't there lookin' for me, I should
just try to walk off. Then, as I'm coming down the ramp, I see the
pigs, two on each side of the gates, checkin' everyone out. I saw one
of 'em look up and see me down the gangway. I looked back, and some of
the crew was standing at the entrance, probably to keep me from goin'
back on. I didn't see no way out man, so I took out my piece and shot
'em. Stupid fuckin' lady, stupid, stupid fuckin' lady, man! She just
had to turn and see who was shooting, and she stepped right in front of
me. I shot the kid. Splattered his little head all over the front of
that stupid bitch! I bet I killed her, too. I didn't wanna kill them,
fuckin' bitch! I wish I didn't see it, I keep seeing it and seeing it,
no matter what I'm looking at. It's dark in here and I see in on the
dark! Change my mind, I wish I had a bottle of Jack right now! Asshole
fuckin' cops! They got a few good rounds out before they went down.
Assholes never expected me to have a piece. Josie wasn't no where, man,
she musta called 'em. Turned my ass in. She told me she would before.
Josie always keeps her word, man. She's so good. Fuck, I'm bleeding
pretty bad. It hurts, too. I probably should get me a doctor. I got a
piece, they'll do what I fuckin' say. Nearly knocked me out, I don't
even know how I managed to get that cab and get away and then run all
the way here! These little concession stands sit here all winter,
empty. I seen a homeless guy comin' outta one once, and I looked in
after he left. He was using it for a home, and I never forgot that.
Good thing he moved on, man. Shit it's cold. I won't be sleepin' in my
own bed again. I don't have nothin'. I don't have shit, just my
notebook and mostly empty pack. Maybe I should use the straps to try
and tie off my arm, I'm really bleeding here. It's practically pumpin'
out of me. Who am I kidding? I can barely write, I think I lost alot of
blood. Man, I probably just need some sleep. I'm tired, I've had a long
day."

****************************

There was standing room only at the policemen's funerals, and Josie
attended each one. A homeless man found Ted's body after noticing the
odor surrounding the small metal concession stand in the park. It tore
Josie up inside when she found out he'd died as a result of her turning
him in. She mourned the man she once loved, remembering the man she
fell in love with, and not the one he ended up being. She felt loss for
her children's father, and sadness that it even had to happen at all.
Her life was changed forever that day. She did what had to be done,
though she never imagined what would come of it. There was no memorial
for Ted, just a quiet burial, as all his friends were really just
people he knew. Josie went on to raise her children in a safe, drug
free home. She'll tell them about their father, some day. When she can
figure out what to tell them about him.