Divine Comedy

A Students room on an unidentified university campus. Late evening.
Raining. Candles burning. Books and papers strewn across the floor.
Three empty wine bottles on the coffee table. Smell of marijuana in the
air. Two students lie naked on the floor beneath a soiled duvet. Cheap
stereo plays good jazz music. Dialogue alternates between James and
Lisa.

LISA; "Lasciate ogni sperantza chi entrate!"

JAMES: "I think you'll find that should be 'Lasciate ogne speranza, voi
ch'intrate!'"

LISA: "Whatever! You know what I mean. Pedant!"

JAMES: "Died of Malaria you know."

LISA: "Who?"

JAMES: "Dante."

LISA: "Mr. Alighieri to you."

JAMES: "September 13th or 14th if my memory serves me correctly."

LISA: "Yeah, right!"

JAMES: "1321. To be precise."

LISA: "You even know what time he died?"

JAMES: "Ho Ho!"

LISA: "Abandon all hope, ye who enter here!"

JAMES: "Not according to Dorothy L. Sayers"

LISA: "What?"

JAMES: "According to her translation it reads 'Lay down all hope, you
that go in by me'"

LISA: "Heart failure"

JAMES: "Eh?"

LISA: "Died of heart failure. The 17th December, 1957, if my memory
serves me correctly."

JAMES: "Who? Dotty?"

LISA: "Yes"

JAMES: "Smartarse"

LISA: "She liked people with two initials"

JAMES: "Like who?"

LISA: "T S Eliot, C S Lewis. Big pals."

JAMES: "Lovers?"

LISA: "Doubt it. Dotty seems to have been a very proper lady. 'The only
Christian work is good work, well done'."

JAMES: "Bullshit! I bet they spanked each other in the library."

LISA: "You've never spanked me in the library!"

JAMES: "You never asked."

LISA: "Come to think of it you've never spanked me at all."

JAMES: "What's this obsession with spanking all of a sudden?"

LISA: "You brought it up!"

JAMES: "You want me to spank you?"

LISA: "I'm hungry."

JAMES: "Pizza?"

LISA: "Don't they have one called Firenza? I'm in a Dante kind of mood
this evening."

JAMES: "Do I look like a walking pizza menu?"

LISA: "You're lying down."

JAMES: "Do I look like a 'lying down' pizza menu?"

LISA: "You're about as exciting as one."

JAMES: "What's that supposed to mean?"

LISA: "Well you don't want to spank me. Do you?"

JAMES: "And spanking is your idea of exciting is it?"

LISA: "Well it's better than lying here talking about dead
people."

JAMES: "Dead Poets Society"

LISA: "A collection of pious platitudes masquerading as a courageous
stand in favor of something: doing your own thing, I think."

JAMES: "Not a very interesting film, being, as it is, so incredibly
spankless!"

LISA: "Piss off!"

JAMES: "Nice!"

LISA: "I'm going to write it above your door."

JAMES: "What?"

LISA: "'Abandon all hope, ye who enter here'. It's an appropriate
warning."

JAMES: "Warning? For whom?"

LISA: "For any girls looking for a good time."

James stands up, goes to the desk, picks up a napkin and puts it on his
head. He also picks up a wooden ruler. He then moves to the chair and
sits down.

JAMES: "Lisa Spelling! You have been found guilty of being beautiful,
naked and under the influence of drugs. As punishment for these crimes
you will lie across my knees and enjoy a most interesting
spanking!"

LISA: "Oooo, James! You're right; I have been a VERY bad girl!"