Queenie - a letter to Lizzie

Dear Queen Lizzie,

It is with deepest regret that I write to inform you that the position
of Monarch, which you currently hold, is to be made redundant as soon
as possible.

As you are undoubtedly aware, there has been a great deal of discussion
surrounding the discontinuation of this post, please be assured that
this was a decision that was not taken lightly. After a great deal of
deliberation it has been decided that the position of Monarch is simply
no longer tenable in a modern society.

I would like to take this opportunity to thank you for your efforts
through the years. Particular gratitude is due for your devotion to
such duties as 'waving', 'ribbon-cutting' and 'carriage riding'. I
would also like to acknowledge your sterling efforts regarding the
stamp and banknote portraits.

The findings from the various discussions surrounding the
discontinuation of this post were, unfortunately, conclusively in
favour of a total abolition of the Monarchy.

Those results were as follows:

a) Discontinuation on the grounds of sectarianism - It was found after
close scrutiny that the Act of Settlement (1701) contained a sickening
example of sectarianism against members of the Roman Catholic Church.
As you are fully aware, the said act expressly forbids any member of
the Roman Catholic Church from becoming Monarch. Shameless
discrimination against people of any race or creed is not something
that we feel should be encouraged in the twenty first century.

b) Discontinuation on the grounds of sexism - We feel that it is no
longer acceptable to continue to support an institution that shows
blatant sexist prejudice towards females. The passing over of female
members of the house of Hanover, and later the House of Windsor, in
favour of the male members is no longer acceptable to a modern
nation.

c) Discontinuation on the grounds of equality - Unfortunately we have
decided that we can no longer defend an institution that for so long
has prevented equality of opportunity. We strongly object to the
ridiculous situation where some people are thought of as superior
simply because of status at birth. Inherited class stifles the
progression of our nation and unfortunately can no longer be tolerated.
As an aside to this decision you may be interested to know that
inherited peerage is also to be abolished forthwith.

d) Discontinuation on economic grounds - For a long time now it has
been argued that the Monarchy has paid for itself through attracted
tourism. Closer scrutiny by our Accountants has now shown that the
Monarchy is undoubtedly a loss-making entity. Overindulgence in largely
unoccupied property, staffing levels, travel, security, pomp and
ceremony etc, has placed an unacceptable strain on the public coffers.
It has been decided that similar level of tourism could be sustained by
the conversion of Buckingham Palace into some sort of 'Royal Memories
Themepark' or a similar scheme!

e) Discontinuation on the grounds of nepotism - It has been noticed
that large numbers of your extended family are currently employed in
various 'Royal Jobs' which are largely funded by the public purse. We
the public are no longer willing to fund their extravagant lifestyles
without a return for our money.

As you can see Lizzie, the case for abolition of your position is
undeniable. Please be assured that every opportunity was given to those
who wished to defend your post, unfortunately none of them could
present any reasonable grounds for continuation.

On a personal note I would just like to wish you good luck in your
search for alternative employment - please feel free to submit your
application for the newly created position of President. As you know
Lizzie, I am a female, working 'class', Roman Catholic, tax paying
'commoner', but I am not a vindictive person. I take no pleasure
whatsoever in having to convey this news to you, unfortunately the
decision was inevitable.

In closing I would like to remind you that all regalia, including such
as crowns and sceptres, should be returned to the people of the nation
forthwith. I would also ask that you be kind enough to avoid any
further strain on the public purse by ensuring that you switch off all
lights on the way out.

Yours in deepest regret,

ScotGirl (on behalf of common-sense)