Letter to the Queen-THE URINATION

Some day/in another/year

Scribble_abc
a place called a letter
Formerly known as Amsterdam

To;Elizabeth the Queen
Buckingham Palace
Hampton Court Palace
Windsor Castle
Numerous other homes with plenty of tax relief

Elizabeth the Queen

I am sending this letter from my tent in Amsterdam where the rain is
urinating down on all of us. You probably know that my uncle Leslie is
a caretaker at Hampton Court Palace, however, beyond him lending me the
palace keys so that myself and several orher of my former homeless
friends can go in for a few days to celebrate you fifty years on the
throne and maybe stay over for a few days this is totally irrelevant to
the very sad reason I write to you. I write on the plight of the
mentally ill people, like myself. Many of us are not villians but
victims of society; despite the image portrayed in the media to most
people including yourself. In fact, on this subject I urge you not to
buy the Sun, not even if it has got a centrefold of yourself in it. You
should remember we do not only have to deal with the fact that we are
sick but also that we are seen as villians who may be possible of any
crazy deed.

I suffered two years of bullying and harrasment by someone who I only
intended to house temporarily. It was than that I began to get the
voices again. These consisted of the word 'Ah' and they can strike me
down at anytime for long periods of the day. This person called Ryan
began bullying me while living with me. He forced be to begin
rehearsing for a band he wanted to form and manage called
THE-URINATION. He than tried to bully me out of my funds in order to
produce some promotional t-shirts for the band, Elizabeth. Ryan bought
me some colouring pens and a sketch pad from from a children's shop. He
than made me draw the Union Jack with the word, THE-URINATION right
over the flag. Ryan than forced me to write several slogans underneath
the flag; PRINCE CHARLES BLOWS UP THE EYESORE BUCKINGHAM PALACE. IT'S A
LISTED BUILDING AND IT IS THE ONLY WAY TO BUILD A BETTER ONE. Ryan than
shouted at me. Give me your freedom pass!!! I will scan it and put the
Queens head instead of yours. NOW WRITE THIS!! WHY DOES THE QUEEN NEVER
USE HER FREEDOM PASS? BECAUSE THE DRIVER WOULD NOT LET HER ON THE BUS.
I am sorry to relate this to you Elizabeth the Queen and I am sure a
bus driver would let you on providing the bus was not full up. He than
started singing that Sex Pistols song that was written about you. Was
it the Sex Pistols that wrote that song 'God Save the Queen?' Did you
or any of the children by that single? Ryan than ordered, WRITE THIS!!
STUART PEARCE GOT SENT OFF FOR SINGING THE JOHNNY ROTTEN SONG 'GOD SAVE
THE QUEEN' BEFORE THE ENGLAND v. ARGENTINA WORLD CUP GAME. Are you any
good at drawing Elizabeth the Queen? I remember when I was in hospital
with nothing I tried to draw a portrait of you as a design for a new
five-pound notes. Perhaps you could draw some self-portraits of
yourself. The present currency show portraits that look nothing like
you. Perhaps you could auction your self-portraits off for charity or
maybe the new five pound notes.

Elizabeth, as a regular visitor to Hampton Court Palace this man made
me mad with his uri-nations. I know he had suffered some police
harrasment but I have too. I once got arrested by the police for
singing the original version of 'God Save the Queen' to loud when I was
busking. The police said you are disturbing the peace. Maybe it is just
the words of the song, I never heard this happen to Johnny Rotten. Has
this ever happenned to you Elizabeth the Queen? Perhaps, when you were
singing that song in French while on your last world tour. By the way,
do you mind me calling you Elizabeth the Queen? Maybe, I should call
you Elizabeth Windsor or maybe just plain Windsor. Anyway Elizabeth, if
ever I get those awful t-shirt designs back off Ryan I will send them
to you, so as to copyright them and perhaps you can go into production
with them and sell the off in the Royal Shop.

After these designing those wretched t-shirts my voices got even worse
and I had to leave my flat. These 'stay' and 'go' voices were terrible
and often still are. I left my home and started to sleep outside
Heathrow Airport. Heathrow Airport is always busy and is no place to
get a good night's sleep and is certainly no place like home. I recall
waiting the twenty or so minutes on the public phone for the homeless
charity Shelter to reply on their freephone number. Another day spent
trying to access a homeless hostel place. I would watch the parade of
outgoing sunseekers with smiling faces and the hugging bodies fo
returning people reunited with family and friends. Amongst this throng
were ragged children. They may of been asylum seekers. They were
sitting outside the airport lounge shouting, 'Penny for the Queen,
Franc for the Queen, Mark for the Queen, Dollar for the Queen.' They
had a stuffed man with them who looked very much like your husband. It
could of been what he was wearing. Is it true that Prince Phillip buys
all his clothes second-hand at the Mind charity shop on the Wandsworth
Road in Lambeth? How come he does not auction off his old clothes off
at Christies for charity rather than giving them to street children to
make fireworks out of?

I had to save my money to give to the Samaritans because of these
wretched voices I get; 'ah, stay, go etc. I could not give these poor
children any money so I sung them a song, 'Buddy can you spare me a
dime?' Maybe you could spare me a few pennies Elizabeth the Queen, send
a postal order to the address I give at the bottom of this
letter.
I did ask how they became asylum seekers. I thought maybe I could go to
another country to claim my rights as an asylum seeker, Holland maybe.
One of the youngest girl told me how she used to survive.
"I used to go busk, sing on the Underground trains at Hammersmith. I
like a lot, people like too. One man told me thank you very much. It's
dangerous and expensive to go visit your country."
I asked the girl,"Why did you stop busking?"
"It was the Underground police, they stop me. So I start to sing
Christmas carols outside Hammersmith station. They are the only English
songs I know. Than an Amnesty International group moved me on. They
said I was stealing their pitch. They gave me good money though and
invited me to sing at their party."
"Where did you get the idea for the Guy?"
"We met some English children who taught us. We taught them some
reveloutionary songs in return."
"Do you know your guy looks like Prince Phillip?"
"We made the Guy like this man in the newspaper. I think he was called
Prince Phillip or Prince something. We used the newspapers to stuff
him."

That evening, I called the Samaritans and asked them how I could claim
asylum in another country as a way out of my situation. They explained
that it is possible, however, you will need crime reference numbers and
perhaps any details of interview with homeless advice workers or other
key workers. Or maybe, even a letter from your doctor may help." I
asked about my voices and was told that you could go to hospital in
another country. They said perhaps you ought to just go home. This man
has harrassed you but he has not hit you or you hit him. Go home and
get some help with your situation.

Well, Elizabeth the Queen, I returned home. The situation between me
and Ryan remained unchanged. He continued to bully me to sing for his
band THE URI-NATION. He made me sing this song, 'We are the Queen, we
call this treason.'

Do we throw spears at our brother's tribe
No we have no reason
We throw spears at the Prince's crimes
Because we call this treason.

I am the Queen, I call this treason
We are the Queen, we call this treason
It's treason without reason
It's treason without reason.

Will we all be slanty-eyed
You better ask are children
They are green-eyed twinkle eyed
Your England's only dreaming.

We are the Queen, we call it treason
We are the Queen, we call it treason
It's treason without reason
It's treason without reason.

Do we mime "God Save the Queen?"
No we have no reason.
We shout "God Save the Queen?"
Yes, this is out anthem.

We are the Queen we call this treason.
We are the Queen, we call this treason.
It's treason without reason
Treason without reason.

Well, Elizabieth it really hurt to be forced to sing this uri-nation by
that man.
He shouted, "If you do not sing this song I will make sure you get
nowhere in the music business and no supper." The funny thing is
Elizabeth, the voces improved after that. Perhaps, the song gave me a
chance to let off steam. My home life continued as such; Ryan bullying
me into becoming a punk pop star in order to make trolley loads of cash
for himself. He than forced me into becoming an anti-royal poet when
your mother, the queen mum died giving me the title "Queen Mother,
Suicide Bomber" and sending me off to write the poem in the condolences
book in Windsor Castle. Is there any such poem in Windsor Castle,
Elizabeth the Queen?

Queen Mother, Failed Suicide Bomber

Better luck next line
Red writing on royal walls.
The Queen Mother of the people
Misses the people's will.

Leaves sweat for no tears
No bread and no roses
No will for royal speeches
No public holiday remebrance.

For teachers
For workers
No day off for teachers
No day off for workers
No day off for for children
No day off at the races.

Better luck, next Windsor
Queen Mother, failed suicide bomber
Let me toast your daughter
There's time for another
Another and another
Another and another
So better luck next Windsor
Better luck and no lines.

I cannot understand what he was getting at. He was ranting on about the
Queen Mother leaving nothing in her will about wanting her death and
life to be marked by a public holiday. I can't understand why he does
not write a song or poem about David Beckham taking six weeks off work,
than playing in the World Cup and than not suggesting to the British
Public on television that they bunk off work when England are playing.
It is OUR WORLD CUP!!! Come to think of it I would not mind watching
all the nations play, even the ones that did not qualify. Anyway, as a
part Asian person and so a qualified doctor I reckon they should of
amputated David Beckham's foot.

Ryan urged "Write, write, write on brother. You could be the next poet
laureatte or the next suicide poet laureatte. What about poems about
the NHS stealing the Queen Mother's body for transplants for their
patients or even selling her body for that body works
exhibition."
I said, "You poems are very cruel and very stupid. You are also making
fun of me as a person with a mental disability and so prone to
self-harm. Perhaps, you are also putting me at risk of being arrested
as well." The voices than started to get worse. I would hear 'star,
star.' I used to perform my poems a lot and now I do not because of
these voices and the fact that Ryan has rumoured that I wrote that
wicked poem in the condolence book at Winsor Castle. There was little
the services could do about Ryan or the voices. They do not have the
resources to keep me in respite care or hospital for long. Solicitors
wages for legalaid cases are frozen and so evicting Ryan became more
difficult. Housing in the public or social sector is stretched to the
limit. Perhaps this is why that man was bullying me into singing songs
against you Elizabeth the Queen. He had problems too.

I told Ryan that you or the other Royals have little say as to what is
happening in the country and that your speeches must be either written
by a New Labour spin doctor or an Old Tory like Geoffrey Archer who is
in prison. I told him now Tony Blair invites the Queen in for tea, at
his home in Downing Street. Ryan than got mad,"You can get cash off the
government to sing protest songs and set up as a self-employed musician
and make us both loads of money. There is a government scheme to do
this if you have a mental disability."
"You mean protest songs against you," I mumbled.
Ryan shouted,"Sing this, sing this" and handed me this scrap on
paper.

MUGGED BY GOD

I got mugged by God I am the Sunday People
I was passing church, I was passing steeple
Never stepping up the steps to drink the wine
Just going down the pub with me and mine.

I got had by God when I had one penny
I got had by God when I hadn't any
God had my faith, Got had my hope
He never had my head, he never had my heart.

Don't want to be that God
Don't want to sing that God
Don't want to be that God
God save the Queen.

Don' t want to be that God
Don't want to be that God
Don't want to be that God
God save the King.

It's our Golden Jubilee
It's out Golden Jubilee......

At that point I broke off because of the voices, star in my head.
I bawled at Ryan, "Those grants are for younger people with
disabilities."
Ryan sneered back,"I you sure they are not for people with learning
disabilities?"
The voices got worse than ever than and I can only remember being in an
ambulance. I think Ryan called the ambulance.

I wonder, Elizabeth the Queen, do you ever get voices? If you do what
do they say? 'God save the Queen' or 'The Queen is in her counting
house?' Well Elizabeth, I am out of hospital and far from that man Ryan
in my tent in Amsterdam. I still have to suffer my other disabilities
of contorted shoulder and disabled right foor. Tony Blair will probably
force me to be a star soon which is crazy as I cannot perform properly
becuase of the voices I get --Star? It will all just cost more money. I
once got the voices 'stay' while watching you on television. Do you
ever get the voices 'go', Elizabeth the Queen?' I showed this letter to
my social worker. She thought it a very strange letter to send to the
Queen.
I said, "Don't be silly Julia, the Queen probably gets lots of strange
letters from her relatives and from Tony Blair."
Do you get lots of strange letters Elizabeth the Queen? Would not such
a collection of strange, funny and wonderful letters make an excellent
book. Would it not make a brilliant book for charity Elizabeth the
Queen? Does this letter to you copyright the idea? Do you have any
strange, funny and wonderful letters that could be published in a book
for charity Eliabeth the Queen? In fact if anyone reads this letter who
has copies of strange, funny and wonderful letters, even ones that they
are about to send to the Queen could they please send them off to my
social worker at Scribble C/O Julia(Social Worker), Springfield
Hospital, Teak Tower, 3rd Floor, 61 Glenburnie Road, Tooting SW17
marking the envelope scribble_abc. Past, present or future letters can
be sent. Than my social worker together with an editorial group and
printers can form a social company and produce a series of books based
on this for children's charities and mental health charities. Send some
on yourself, Elizabeth the Queen.
Maybe this is just the sort of compassionate capitalism and protest
that Prince Charles was aalmost talking about when I saw him on
television a few years ago. Perhaps any musicians can write to me as
well and I can send your letters on to Ryan. Mark the letters eeither
musician or letter to Queen in brackets.
HAPPY GOLDEN JUBILEE TO US ALL
SCRIBBLEXXX

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