Retail

In what is being seen as "a revolutionary step forward in consumer
choice", a new out-of-town Retail Park will soon open which sells only
one product.
Built on dis-used land just outside The Middle Of Nowhere, the Park
will attract outlets from all major High Street chains, who have signed
an exclusive deal to stock just one item.
Early plans for the complex suggest that as many as 25 stores will
open on the site, providing customers with an unrivaled combination of
variety and value.
A spokesman for the parent company behind the project explained the
idea thus: "What the modern consumer really wants is power to make an
informed choice from as wide a range of products as possible. By
supplying up to 25 different versions of exactly the same thing,
Brownwater allows just that."
Further retail news reaches us from America, where this concept has
already been taken one step further: the five biggest brands in the
'Desperately Seeking Cool' sector have opened a mall which sells
nothing. Global manufacturers, and exploiters of child labour, such as
Nike and The Gap, believe they have transcended out-dated concepts like
'selling products', and have now taken to promoting the 'Brand Image'
that surrounds the company.
Shoppers can walk around the virtually empty warehouses and simply
experience the aura, the thrill of being part of their favourite Brand.
Images of their erstwhile products, and the corporate puppets who
endorsed them, confront the consumer, while underpaid Team Members
smile moronically from everywhere you look. Customers are then charged
$99.99 for the privilege.
Many spoke of a feeling of empowerment as they walked around the
store, of being able to leap tall buildings with a single bound. One
particularly gullible shopper told how he "felt so proud to be part of
this organisation which has done so much for both my life and the lives
of people around the world".
A spokesperson for Nike said: "Basically, we got tired of making
shitty little sports shoes and basketball shirts, and having to pay
extortionate wages to keep 3rd world countries' economies afloat. So we
decided to concentrate on the fact that being associated with our
products makes you a better, more athletic person."
Readers should remember that what happens in America today, will be
happening in Britain tomorrow.