I- An Intellectual Ignoramus

I have resolved to read the papers cover to cover every morning over
my tea and toast, like a responsible adult. I am tired of having
political opinions and being unable to express them because I cannot
remember the names of the people involved or the exact dates, and
agendas of various public demonstrations.
"Oh I saw an interview on BBC about two weeks ago, I think, in which
the representatives of various political parties had been invited and
one of them?what was his name?...can't remember, anyway he said the
entire blame for the failure of democracy in Pakistan was on the
shoulders of the army and that is so stupid isn't it? Someone gave a
very smart reply but I can't remember what it was!"

This is what comes of picking up the papers only to flip forwards to
the cartoons, or tabloid sections. Letters to the editor are also very
entertaining. There is always the verbal equivalent of a fistfight
going on.
"I am writing to express my disgust and indignation at the racism and
narrow mindedness expressed by Mr. -----, in his letter to the editor
which appeared on ------ in your paper."

Perhaps this is the reason that my opinions of our politicians are
still based on much the same logic, as they were when I was nine. At
that time, I developed an intense dislike of General Zia-Ul-Haq,
because his face resembled a hawk or some such bird of prey. The
disapproval expressed on my parents' faces whenever his name came up
may also have contributed to my prejudice. When he was killed in an
airplane crash, I was consumed with remorse and guilt.

I liked Benazir Bhutto when she was first elected because she was the
first female Prime Minister in Pakistan. I soon grew to dislike her
because of her loud, uncouth voice and because she wore horrible
tailored jackets over shalwar kameez. The two do not go together and
never will!

I fell in love with Nawaz Sharif's cute, shining, round, baby bald
head. I was very impressed when he was filmed visiting the
poverty-stricken inhabitants of various villages that had suffered the
effects of some kind of natural disaster (was it a flood, or drought,
or a dam bursting?). When he was overthrown by General Pervaiz
Musharraf, I realized he was a greedy worm that had embezzled huge
amounts of money. Exactly how he did it and what he did with the money
I don't know.

I have now concluded that it is useless trying to decide whether you
like a particular political leader or not. You always end up with egg
on your face. It is wiser to say you dislike him/her because then when
he/she fails you can say, "I told you so" much more easily. I cannot
however, bring myself to say I dislike General Pervaiz Musharraf, even
though he is a dictator. He hasn't yet done anything much worse than
our democratically elected leaders. So I think I'll say
"I know he'll get caught out one of these days. Just wait and
see!"

What about Imran Khan? I preferred him as a cricketer. He wasn't quite
so wrinkled then.