Salvation History, Part 1

Salvation History: Step One, The Downfall of Man, Exiting From
Eden

When your personal safe haven-
the universe you created with self-perception
shatters
like mother's favorite china pattern-
as it comes crashing down, an inevitable outcome-
shards of once whole things now just disjointed elements-
nothing real- all end up scattered along a hard-wood floor.

Then, you are amazed that you have conceived
of this strange place in your head full of
half-truths and unapologetic deception.

You stand bewildered,
as an appropriate, half-hearted sprinkling of rain
grazes the rooftop you contemplate dancing off of
in one of those fleeting, panicked, ritualistic moments
you believe it is far more preferable to face an end,
than to deal with the beginning of life in this reality.

---And you will notice this will happen too when you see more than
you
saw before---

Your heart will quicken, becoming erratic, it's as if you have
pushed
yourself beyond physical limitations- boundaries all seem broken
now

Or merely-(and ironically) this could remind you of an orgasm.

Your breath will shorten-
come in quick, sickening, desperate gasps-

Then the chills-
uncontrollable quaking-
damp, clammy hands, burning forehead
and this urgent, demanding nausea
that holds you, vice-like, in a state
of suffocation-drowning-sinking
lower
into this dark, hopeless place that you know, intuitively,
is much worse than what lies at the outskirts of a rainy rooftop.

And you run so much over in those slightly unstable, chaotic
electric impulses that rush around in your mind like so many
disjointed
events-
never coming together but all lying in this same, general space-
forced to connect unnaturally, which probably explains the
confusion.

But you avoid the event itself, of course.

Focusing, rather, on what your reaction will be when he meets you
here-
for the final time-
on the first step to his floor.

You imagine the expressions-
yours and his-
as you ask calmly, bewildered, shocked, traumatically-
Why???

And you know there is no real answer-
or it least one that will satisfy
or erase the past hour-
but you ask anyway. It seems you must.

And before you know it,
he ascends-
looks into your eyes
and sees the end of all of this (except your pain)

God, you thought tragedies were so sad before,
but never out of empathy.

But now you understand, don't you?
Because now you join a majority,
though you still feel so alone right now.

And all you can do is let yourself be led away
to think about how all of this
will end up looking on a piece of paper,
a commentary- in retrospect-
when the darkness has enveloped you completely-
it will not be a pleasant story.