Forgotten

By Shannan

Sat, 23 Aug 2014
  • 1416 reads
6 comments
 

Forgotten

-

I tried.

I tried to keep in contact.

I tried to express my unconditional love

by being completely honest with you.

I laid myself bare,

Naked emotions raw and bleeding,

For you to close and heal,

Or leave,

To bleed

Out.

-

I tried.

I tried to show you my real self.

I tried to open the way to build a relationship

based on truth, honesty and genuine care.

I opened the door for sincere

Spiritual, holistic growth,

Real, accepting love,

You didn’t want it.

You slammed

The door

Shut.

-

I tried.

I tried to be the best I could be.

I tried to step up to better you and I.

I remembered your soul desires,

I made every effort to see you,

Understand you, know your soul.

I tried to converse,

Talk, communicate.

You ended the conversation,

Abandoned me,

Left me.

Forgotten.

Certificate U
Poem
Poetry
Love

Comments

Submitted by celticman on

ouch,  I tried.

 

Submitted by Shannan on

I did indeed Celticman.... I did indeed

 

Submitted by Bee on

This flows so well and expresses the emotions so well after trying but not getting a positive result. I'm left feeling at the end that in the same position, I'd have a slight consolation of knowing that at least I'd tried. Love your poem, Shannon.

Bee

Submitted by Shannan on

Yes, in the end that's all that there was "I tried"... I feel better that than not taking responsibility and slamming doors. I reckon it is always better to converse and leave the option there than slam the door in someone's face... but we all see things differently. Keep well

 

Submitted by Geoff Smith on

I really like it. Personally I would prefer it without the third stanza. the duality I feel would reflect the two sides of the relationship I suppose. It would certainly sound sharper. I have a bit of an aversion to the word 'soul', but that's my problem not yours.

I loved the way the sentences swell before contracting sharply.

Thanks.

Thanks for reading. I am grateful for your time.

Submitted by Shannan on

I read you, but I'm one of those people big on "Three"s... like Macbeth's witches... Body, Mind & Soul... Father, Son, Spirit... Ego, Id, Superego... solid, liquid, vapour... 3 denials of Christ etc. Then I literally did try 3 times with the person the poem was written about. :-) I'm a SOUL lover ;-) The difference between those people with cold, shut eyes with 'curtains' of matt colour blocking all passion out and those with open 'curtains' and a light that shines from an entire cosmos of beauty within them - SOUL :-D Love it... heh heh, but yes sir, that's just me.

Thanks - I was going with 2 possible concepts, the pulse of the heart in the relationship and/or the inhalation and exhalation of breath on each try...

Keep well $