Suki Sings

By Silver Spun Sand

Sun, 27 Oct 2013
  • 1990 reads
16 comments
 

 A sudden squall –  soon passes over,

as you sit, cross-legged, on the lawn,

ox-eye daisy spotted; painting a smile

on my face – the sky, red with your rhymes,

and the grass, blue with your tune.

 

But, child, only hush a while...Just listen

to the raindrops dripping from the leaves

putting your song – however lovely, to shame –

even though you sing the sky in a hundred

different hues of heavenly.

 

So – you want to be famous, one day?

Who am I to say it might never happen; thankfully

I don’t own a crystal ball.  But put down

your guitar, and hear what you’re missing.

 

Let them all – the sun, the trees, and the birds,

speak for themselves...for, remember,

the greatest song ever written 

is the one without words.

 

Certificate U
Poem
Inspiration Point (work that responds to our weekly writing cue)

Comments

Submitted by Art of the Diver on

Masterly witten and delivered... thank you for your talent... Rob

Submitted by Silver Spun Sand on

Cheers, Rob;-)

 

Submitted by Bee on

Hi Tina.

Very nice flow of words here. If there's one thing we can do for them, it's to wake them up to the beauty they might otherwise miss while they are looking for it from the inside. In the first couple of lines, are the tenses mixed, or is it intentional? I loved the gentle humour in this piece. 'the blue sky, red with your rhymes, and the grass, blue with your tune.' - that's original and wonderful.

 

Bee

Submitted by Silver Spun Sand on

Hi there, Bee, and a very good morning to you;-)

Speaking of 'squalls' one has just passed over here, with worse to come, so they say.  I see what you mean about the mix of tenses in the first stanza.  It had been intentional, but it reads better putting it all in the present, so have duly edited.  Many thanks for pointing it out.

So pleased you enjoyed this one, and thanks again for your wisdom.

Tina

 

Submitted by luigi_pagano on

Tina this is what poetry is. I could never equal your lyricism; I am envious.

Luigi xxx

 

Submitted by Silver Spun Sand on

Many, many thanks, Luigi...and hang on tight to your hat with the imminent storm, and all;-)

Tina xxx

 

Submitted by the unfolding head on

I really liked this one, lovely ending. 

ddf

Submitted by Silver Spun Sand on

Thanks, tuh;-)

 

Submitted by lisa h on

Hi Tina, I love spending a little time with your poems. You never disappoint. The part that made me think the most is not wanting a crystal ball. Me, I'd want to know the future, and then probably regret having the knowledge. Made me stop and think a while...

Lovely read, thank you. :)

Lisa x

Submitted by Silver Spun Sand on

Thanks so much for taking time to read this, Lisa.  I really do appreciate it with your more than busy schedule.  Glad you enjoyed;-)

Tina x

 

Submitted by Rhiannonw on

Hi, Tina, I liked the way you used the IP phrase in a sort of twist!
And as Bee said, your gently pushing the composer to look, observe and think the more to feed his/her composing talents. Rhiannon

 

Submitted by Silver Spun Sand on

Thanks, Rhiannon, so very much.  So pleased you enjoyed, and most certainly understood the intended message;-)

Tina

 

Submitted by The royster on

Me again Tina.  Two words.    Love it.   Roy

 

Submitted by Silver Spun Sand on

Thanks, Roy.  You're a star;-)  Tina

 

Submitted by Linda Wigzell Cress on

I love your idea of a song without words - and this is a lovely poem Tina.

Linda

Submitted by Silver Spun Sand on

Thanks, Linda.